To expect an invite for DD?

[Rainraingoawayagain]

My DD7 has a best friend at school who lives relatively close by. I have had best friend over for tea several times and over to play,she's a lovely little girl and enjoys coming here.
Anyway.. on more than several occasions they will both run up to me (at the school run) and say they want to play today but it's ALWAYS at our house!
They will run up to the other mum (best friends mum) and ask and she says oh we will have to arrange for DD to come over but has NEVER followed through. I seen her at the shops the other day and she said "
my DD really misses your DD will have to get them together soon" I said yes absolutely I then receive a text saying what date And what time shall I drop DD to you ? I haven't replied as I really think it's rude not to return the invite! AIBU? Me and other mum get on absolutely fine always friendly etc. Can I also mention that my DD WAS NOT invited to her party a few weeks ago my DD is very well mannered so I'm so confused as to why she's being treated this way.

il def have her over now and then but on my terms and I'm certainly never asking again about DD visiting

YANBU OP. Have her to play when it suits you and don't take it personally- it's not you it's her

fine with having the friend round to play now and then on your terms, but I would make sure it is not every single time that the girls run up and ask you after school.

I agree

If they do run up to you in the playground asking to go to your house you could always answer with 'not today darling, I think it's your turn to go to 'friend's' house next' & let the friend pester HER mum for a change.

Practice your responses in case your cornered in the playground. No sorry I am busy, hmmm we will have to arrange something (be vague), it's your turn to host now (user mum), mini Rainbow wou,d love to play at her best friends house for a change.

I think you're on a hiding to nothing with this. She is happy to use you for free childcare, but is not going to reciprocate. I agree with turning the pestering back on her though and telling the kids it's 'her turn'.

Yes! Kids are hot on turn taking.. 'It's your turn to have playtime at your house. Ask your mummy to text me'

Op I have dd same age and I'd find this odd and yes, a little rude too.

The garden party also.

Seems very one way traffic and I would turn it around on next off to 'drop at yours'

I wouldent put it passed her to have her cliques friends kids round, she only invited them for the hot tub party at at her house., this woukd really put my back up. I would have no. Qualms about saying no to her, to have dd over for a couple of hours at your convenience, not when she wants a babysitter for her dd.

I think this mom must host the clique and maybe her DD never gets return invites from them? So she see your invite as 'a return favour' even though she isn't doing you the favour in the first place? Hasn't given it any thought?

Maybe she's like PP who 'don't host people they don't know'

Either way, leave it open and let your DD pick her friends. Manage the situation in the playground. I wouldn't stop them asking.

I am having a similar with another Mum who seems to enjoy excluding my (also v well mannered) DD (6)) and I have also been the host to a number of play dates. The Mum invites other kids but not DD.
I have come to the conclusion that the Mum doesn't like me and is taking this out on my DD. I have no idea why she should feel like this about me but ultimately DD's friendship with her daughter won't thrive if it's not supported by her mother so I have come to the v sad conclusion that there's nothing I can do except encourage the friendships which are likely to be reciprocated. It's v hard though because like your DD my DD sees the other girl as her v close and special friend.

Kids will start to pick up on it, and might affect the friendship. If mum is not supporting the friendships its not going to work. There is only so much op can be a doormat without saying no note eventually.

No more doh

As much as I find the other mum very rude I would not stop the little girl coming here but from now on it will be on my terms and suggested by me. If they run up to me and ask for my DD to go to their house I will say clearly that " I don't think DD is allowed " so the other mum can deal with the explanation to that as I have tried

Good plan Op

Yes good plan, bring it back onto her.

Yes definitely sounds like she prioritises her friendships and doesn't want to have a friendship with you. I know you're not wanting that but maybe she thinks you do. Their garden party will have been her friends and their daughters so it would have been strange to invite your dd so don't ask about that.
Why do you want your dd to go there so much? If they get on well just have her round to your every time, it doesn't matter does it? If the other mum is a bit cliquey best to have your dd with you anyway.
I've always had kids round mine if my dc want them. They are often invited back, yes, but I don't keep tabs on it.
I practically lived at my best friend's house growing up.
It's easier to just drop the idea of who should be doing what.

I'd be really encouraging other friendships
I don't think the mum likes you either but it's not fair her isolating your daughter because of how she feels

Ohcrepe
I'm not wanting DD to do there so much.
I think I have a problem with having her DD for sleepovers taking her on day trips,having her for tea at least twice a week, having for play dates every week. Having the door shut on me after taking DD to an adventure playground with us 10am-4pm. Being told the tap upstairs in bathroom is broke so DD shouldn't really come over today
Having her tell me and her DD that it's ok to go to mine every time they ask to go to hers. Like I have said on several posts I don't care it's the principle right? I may think to much of it as my daughters mother.but at least I'm not rude
I have friends of my own.

I'd probably reply "Yes let's arrange a day for them to get together. DD is free on these dates . Feels like I've had DD and our DD at my house for the last couple of play dates. Can you suggest a suitable date to recepricriate at your house? Thanks lovely."

The day I took best friend to playground with me I picked up her up at 10am. After a great day I dropped her home around 4pm the little girl ran in the front door. The mum opened the door for her to run in. I waved to them both but she just shut the door without even acknowledging we were there not even "how was DD today " I haven't taken her on a day trip since this. I don't care about the cost etc I don't care about any of that! I care about being the only one making an effort for the two girls !

You sound lovely, op. You took her daughter out for 6 hours and gave her a lovely time.

She is downright rude. She didn't even bother to ask if her dd had been good and had a good time, or express any gratitude to you. Rude, and not a good example of social graces for the children either.

Hold your head up high that you are doing your best for your dd here. Keep the friendship going if you can but ultimately, as a pp already said, it does take some parental input to keep friendships going at this age and if it's one sided it won't work for long.

Il will absolutely do my bit.
I never want a thank you but asking after how DD was etc would have just been common practice or maybe it's just me. Dunno
I wouldn't want to be friends with a person like her anyway:( she's not very nice

She is a downright rude, no more looking after her dd, taking her out, when it's not appreciated, and thrown back in your face. On your gems only, help your dd forge other friendships, and hop this fizzles out soon.