Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect an invite for DD?

182 replies

Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:07

My DD7 has a best friend at school who lives relatively close by. I have had best friend over for tea several times and over to play,she's a lovely little girl and enjoys coming here.
Anyway.. on more than several occasions they will both run up to me (at the school run) and say they want to play today but it's ALWAYS at our house!
They will run up to the other mum (best friends mum) and ask and she says oh we will have to arrange for DD to come over but has NEVER followed through. I seen her at the shops the other day and she said "
my DD really misses your DD will have to get them together soon" I said yes absolutely I then receive a text saying what date And what time shall I drop DD to you ? Hmm I haven't replied as I really think it's rude not to return the invite! AIBU? Me and other mum get on absolutely fine always friendly etc. Can I also mention that my DD WAS NOT invited to her party a few weeks ago Confused my DD is very well mannered so I'm so confused as to why she's being treated this way.

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/08/2017 16:14

YANBU.

Don't beg, just forget it now. DD can see her at school.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 16:16

So texted Friday is cool by the way with a happy face I then got a reply!
DD at a sleepover Friday!
So do people still think I'm being petty lol!

OP posts:
LoyaltyAndLobster · 16/08/2017 16:18

OP stop bothering with this lady. DD sounds like a lovely little girl I'm sure she has plenty of friends with nicer mothers.

2014newme · 16/08/2017 16:20

Leave it now. Invite someone else over instead.

Toriamayrose · 16/08/2017 16:30

Had this with my eldest the first couple of years of her staring school, her friends constantly wanting to come to ours after school but never to they house just the oh we have to arrange for your did to come to ours lines same thing really, didn't mind first year but by second year I was done with it felt awful for my little one but it ended up we have like the same two kids constantly coming home with us for tea & mams were never picking them up on time usually 6 I'd arrange & sometimes my dd be in bed before they even come pick them up or text asking could I drop them off, it was awful felt the parents was taking the piss outta me, so I stopped it altogether now she's allowed one friend a week over for tea & my mother takes them home bang on 6 o clock for me, these same two mothers were the same asking me to babysit for them too to go out, I remember one asking me to babysit her 3 children over night on a Friday for her to go out I agreed & i remember she sent them to mine at like 1ish in the afternoon & didn't pick them up till gone 3 next day that was last straw for me won't babysit for any of the other mothers at the school anymore either, such a shame for the children but I just got feed up of feeling used & taken the piss of

TheHungryDonkey · 16/08/2017 16:38

CreamCheeseBrownies no. Not at all. I think the woman involved is very rude and using the OP as a childcare arrangement. I've never 'invited' my child over to anyone's house. But it does make me stress the whole play date thing. I know I'm not being fair. Thinking of offering to take the other parents child out to the zoo or something. obviously I will pay but it's not ready money.

GreenTulips · 16/08/2017 16:47

You need to drop the best friend title - seriously-

If others assume that are 'besties' then they appear as a couple and it can exclude or make others feel excluded. This will limit your DDs friendship group

I use the term good friends - rather than the bff -

Aeroflotgirl · 16/08/2017 16:48

Well then op, you have your answer! Barrel load of excuses from this user. Time to pull back and start saying no, even if its in front of DC.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/08/2017 16:50

Treat her how she treats you. They may be best friends, but unfortunately mummy is engineering things her way. They can play together at school.

FrLukeDuke · 16/08/2017 17:19

Hungry what about taking them to the park?

Laiste · 16/08/2017 17:26

Ah. Don't bother any more OP. If it makes your DD happy to play with this girl at your house and that's enough for you then just carry on.

Don't know if i've missed this, but does the other girl play with your DD at school playtime ect? They're genuinely good mates yes?

Dancergirl · 16/08/2017 17:29

Can't believe some of these responses. Yes the mother sounds like a user. Yes she's taking the piss. But this is about 2 small girls' friendship and a nice one it sounds at that. I feel quite sorry for the other girl actually if the mothers like that, it's not her fault.

And playing together at school is not the same thing at all.

ittakes2 · 16/08/2017 17:30

You need to make this all about your daughter. You and her have to decide how much she likes this friend - if she really likes her then continue to invite her over BUT start making an effort to widen your daughters friendship group to include friends who will invite her back. To be honest, the fact your daughter was not invited to the party is a sign that while this girl likes her - she doesn't consider your daughter a close friend. Helping your daughter find a more even friendship is better for her self confidence - but in the meantime best not to completedly cut this girl out or your daughter might feel hurt.

Starlight2345 · 16/08/2017 17:38

I think it is clear mum is not going to invite your DD over..I also wouldn't be suprised if she is reading this thread.

As others have said either mum or her DD do not consider her a best friend or even a friend.

You need to leave it ..Arrange for other friends to come over.

She can be school friends..It is the exclusion from birthday party makes me think there is more to this.

BarbarianMum · 16/08/2017 17:49

Ds2 has a friend whose mum is like this. They are still good friends - at school - but no more playdates from muggins here.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/08/2017 17:59

Op does not have to suck it up and be a mug, she can still have friend over, mabey not as often and in her terms, not because mum has asked.

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2017 18:23

I wouldnt mind about the playdates at all. All my dc had friends here who werent always returned. I was happy to havelots as through teaching l am used to dealing with lots of children.
But the no invite to her dds party is a biggie. That was mean a d would put me off totally.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 18:30

DD asked me today to have her around but I said at school now.
I also texted back saying "ok see you soon" that's it for me. Yes they play together at parents evening teacher said they are inseparable bless them.il def have her over now and then but on my terms and I'm certainly never asking again about DD visiting

OP posts:
TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 16/08/2017 19:17

The problem is that you can manage the situation to some extent during the holidays, but it's not going to stop the two of them coming up to you after school and your DD asking if friend can come round.

I can't think of a way round it (I wish I could) but this isn't going to be the end of it.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/08/2017 19:17

It's obvious from op and how they are inseparable at school, that the girls are very good friends, so her dd probably wanted dd at her party, but mum would not let her. How mean and nasty. No noting else, the woman is rude and mean, just sees op as a free babysitter, no child with sn has been mentioned, or anxiety, or worried about the state of her house, the mum is one of life's users plain and simple, foistering her dd onto op at any given opportunity as their best friends. Funny how they weren't best friends when it came to her daughters party!

Exactly, for tge sake of my dd, I woukd have her round very occasionally for a couple of hours, take her home just before tea. And if she approaches you at tge school playground with her dd in tow, no sorry, Mabey another time. Or just no sorry, not now!

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 19:20

Areoflotgirl that's exactly what il be doing from now on. I'm not part of the playground circle so DD isn't too which is ok with me. She's lovely so I'm not going to ban her from our home

OP posts:
Atenco · 16/08/2017 19:33

the woman is rude and mean, just sees op as a free babysitter

I do understand that the mother may be a horrible person, but why does this have to stand in the way of the children playing together outside of school?

I used to have my house full of children while none of their parents would ever let other children in their houses. It was no skin off my nose, frankly, and generally I found it easier to look after my dd and friendd than trying to keep my dd entertained by myself.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/08/2017 19:38

Well Antenco this should be at op convenience, and not because she has been railroaded into a corner by the mum.

BarbarianMum · 16/08/2017 21:02

The thing is, sooner or later the OP's dd will start asking why she isn't ever invited to her "best" friend's house and if she didn't notice her exclusion from this year's party she will notice her exclusion from the next one. So it might be wise for the OP to promote other friendships over this one, not to punish this litgle virl but to protect her dd.

BarbarianMum · 16/08/2017 21:03

Litgle virl??? Little girl

Swipe left for the next trending thread