To expect an invite for DD?

[Rainraingoawayagain]

My DD7 has a best friend at school who lives relatively close by. I have had best friend over for tea several times and over to play,she's a lovely little girl and enjoys coming here.
Anyway.. on more than several occasions they will both run up to me (at the school run) and say they want to play today but it's ALWAYS at our house!
They will run up to the other mum (best friends mum) and ask and she says oh we will have to arrange for DD to come over but has NEVER followed through. I seen her at the shops the other day and she said "
my DD really misses your DD will have to get them together soon" I said yes absolutely I then receive a text saying what date And what time shall I drop DD to you ? I haven't replied as I really think it's rude not to return the invite! AIBU? Me and other mum get on absolutely fine always friendly etc. Can I also mention that my DD WAS NOT invited to her party a few weeks ago my DD is very well mannered so I'm so confused as to why she's being treated this way.

[Rainraingoawayagain]

Monkeywithcowface
This has happened before!
DD was meant to go over until 5pm after school few months back and she came up to me after the school run and said she could have DD around today. Sorry.
Of course I didn't Ask why
It's not my business. But that has occurred.

[Rainraingoawayagain]

Mummy bear your poor DD :(

[monkeywithacowface]

Well there you go. I think it is a good life lesson for your DD too to recognise users and when to walk away from one sided friendships!

[Mummybear0812]

It's awful but she learnt now that her mum won't have her for sleep over... the excuses we got was laughable every time....

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Upstairs hot water tap?

Never mind, DD can always wash her hands in the hot tub .

[Viviennemary]

Sometimes it can happen that two friends spend more time at one house than the other. But it's not on that your DD wasn't invited to her party or round to play at their house. They just sound like selfish inconsiderate people unless there's a reason.

[TheHungryDonkey]

I hate my son being invited to play dates because I feel obliged to reciprocate when I can't. There's no garden or living room here only bedrooms. We just aren't equipt to deal with it. None of his friends live close so it's always extra bus journeys. That's before I'm responsible for dragging other people's children through out hellish neighbourhood. If it's so important for people to reciprocate it's not a fun play date for the children. It becomes something else.

[Katedotness1963]

Some people don't mind play dates/having friends over and some hate it and won't reciprocate. I hated it but had kids over for the sake of mine. We ended up being the play date house, other parents were happy to let their children come to our house but it was a rare day my boys were invited to others.

Its still that way now they're teenagers. We have kids stay over, feed them and take them for days out and I wouldn't recognise their parents.

The party in your situation is odd though...

[Laiste]

Did she literally say ''I'm busy till Friday''? Might that mean Friday is ok?

If she was putting you off surely she'd say ''i'm busy all week''?

[Laiste]

Similar to kate above i had certain kids round at ours all the time and hardly knew their parents faces. They'd walk home with us and we used to do the drop off later.

To be honest it never bothered me who reciprocated and who didn't. As long as the kids my DDs bought home with them behaved i wasn't counting.

[Laiste]

I agree the party is a bit sad. But it was probably the kids of those who the mum is most friendly with.

Nice for them that it works out like that. Me and my best mates kids never bloody got on! Gah.

[Embarrassedemma]

I would think there was an issue now you've mentioned the party
Aside from the party not all people like play dates or are happy to offload their kids and never return the invite which just means they're rude lazy people!

[FrLukeDuke]

JUST THIS MINUTE RECEIVED TEXT!
she said she was busy until Friday and that upstairs hot water tap was broke!
Your answer.
"Great! Friday it is then! Dd happy to wash her hands in cold water!"

[Aeroflotgirl]

Do what suits you op, you don't have to be a doormat. The party was probably mum's doing, inviting girls in her clique, her dd might have wanted your dd, but mum might have brushed her off, I would not put it passed her, she is very rude.

[Shadow666]

It would be different if she never had other friends over but that she has friends over just not your daughter then that speaks volumes. It does sound like she sees you as a free babysitter. I wonder if she'll keep pushing for her daughter to come over.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly shadow if she did not like playdates, or was embarrassed of her house, she would not have had a hot tub party at her house, so that is not the case! She is just a rude inconsiderate user, who sees op as a free babysitter who's dds happen to be friends.

[GreenTulips]

Always makes me wonder about 'not people we know' line how do you ever get to know people if that's the attitude?

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

Text back, do you need a plumber I know a good one.
You could have some fun winding her up with this.

[notfunnyhaha85]

The instant I read your post OP I thought 'babysitter'. She wants someone to watch her DD for a few hours so she can sod about doing god knows what. I know someone who frequently arranges play dates for her DD (always at the friends house) so she can go shopping by herself, and never ever arranges to return the favour. We were used as free childcare for years until I had enough of it and started saying we were too busy for play dates (DS being born helped a lot with the excuses but I realise that's not a option for you!).

I know it's so hard because your DD really likes this child but I'd limit contact with her and her mother. She clearly doesn't value your DD and the friendship she has with her DD

They'll be back at school soon so can play together as much as they like. If DD asks if she can have friend over to play you can always say 'oh but you've played together all day!' and 'you'll see her tomorrow'.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Keep being busy op, until it suits you. I immediately thought free babysitter too, don't be a mug. Practise: no it does not suit us! No I am busy! I know you want to do this for your little girl, but she will make other friends, this friendship is onesided and its on her mothers terms.

[thegirlupnorth]

Explain to your DD that if she wants a friend to play she must not ask you if they can come in front of you as it means you are put on the spot and feel unable to say no even if it's not always convenient. Also explain that as lovely as it is for DD's friend to come over it would be nice for,you to go and play at her house sometimes.

FWIW I suffered with PND long after children were at school and never felt confident enough to return a play date favour, it would have sent me over the edge at the time. Marriage was a sham etc.

[Aeroflotgirl]

In this case, its not that she does not want people over, she does not want op dd over!

[Deathraystare]

Use her line if asked again to have the kid over either "will have to arrange something - be very vague" or something like - not now, too much on or some such.

[2014newme]

If she didn't invite your dd to her party then she doesn't see your dd as her best friend.

[CreamCheeseBrownies]

HungryDonkey that's fair enough, but I take it you are not saying "we must get the girls together - when can I drop my child with you?" when your child has already been a guest of the other family several times over.