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AIBU?

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Original poster

Phone call gone bad...

212 replies

FUNM · 20/07/2017 23:53

Before going on holiday sister told parents she was tired and not coping with kids (has PND). Goes on holiday. No text saying she had arrived safely. Parents worrying all week. She gets back and phones up - dad is emotional and asks why she didn't have the decency to send a quick text. She takes it personally and conversation goes from bad to worse. She is now expecting a written apology from him but he doesn't think he needs to apologize. Any advice?

OP posts:
IdoHaveAName · 20/07/2017 23:57

Oh God, leave her be. She has enough on her plate with pnd.

Mo55chop5 · 20/07/2017 23:58

Your sister is an arse who will need her parents help long before they need hers so she should remember that before she starts behaving like an entitled little madam

As for a written apology? If I was her father and after I stopped laughing, I would be telling her to get to fuck

Original poster
FUNM · 20/07/2017 23:59

If she doesn't get said apology she probably won't bring the grandchildren to visit. Should dad swallow his pride and just write it so he can still see his grandchildren?

OP posts:
MumsOnCrack · 21/07/2017 00:00

Depends what he said

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:00

Do either of you have a clue what pnd is like? It's walking waking hell. Don't pile any more pressure on the poor woman. Help her out. FFS.

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:01

You can get extremely distressed about the smallest thing with pnd. Your sister is not in a good place right now. Don't make her life harder and potentially lengthen her illness.

riceuten · 21/07/2017 00:02

I never get this 'send a text when you get there' malarkey, personally.

minipie · 21/07/2017 00:03

Your parents WBU. Who expects their adult child to text to say they've arrived safely on holiday? And if they were so worried, why didn't they text her to check she was ok? Very odd to stew all week and then get shirty with her when she calls. I don't blame her for getting cross. I don't know exactly what was said by your dad so don't know whether asking for a written apology is over dramatic, it sounds a bit daft but depends what was said - and perhaps your parents have form for this kind of thing and she's trying to make them think about it a bit.

minipie · 21/07/2017 00:05

And yes your dad should write the apology. Not so he can see his grandchildren but because he was in the wrong for getting shirty with her in the first place

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:05

When I had pnd I felt crushed and encroached on by everyone. It's likely your sister is feeling similar. Please try to understand how she may be feeling. It's a horrible place to be mentally.

AreWeThereYet000 · 21/07/2017 00:08

PND is awful, absolutely awful. Even the smallest comment of why not send a text can feel like the biggest criticism ever of your ability to do right, when you already feel like everything you do is wrong.
Could your dad not have text her to check she got there safely instead of 'worrying' all week.

As a previous sufferer of PND the holiday probably didn't feel like a holiday to her. It was probably filled of anxiety, stress and doubts in her mind. And even if she felt a lot calmer and upbeat on her holiday that would have been her focus and what she deserved.

Yes she deserves and apology for the over reaction and she deserves some support.

What is wrong with people

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:12

When I had pnd, it felt like my mother was like a fucking dead weight around my ankle. I couldn't escape her. I ended up crying at every encounter, having to get sedatives from my GP to cope with the distress and cbt to try to cope with her choking 'concern' for me. She caused me untold distress and I ended up having to completely distance myself for my sanity (with full support from both GP and therapist).

AreWeThereYet000 · 21/07/2017 00:12

So my advice would be to get your dad to apologise.

Offer to help out with the kids - take them for a few hours out the house/ go round so she can have a bath or read or whatever in peace/ keep her company/ book an app
To the GPs - basically do anything that helps her out.

I would be telling my dad that one way or another the apology must be given whether that's the letter, going round to see her or texting/calling.

It took me counselling, medication and a hell of a lot of family support to overcome this horrible illness

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:14

Your parents are making this all about them. She is a grown woman and a mother herself. Tell your parents to back the fuck off. And apologise. And then back the fuck off a little further. Or they will end up both alienating their daughter and grandchild and further distressing your sister.

Rhubarbtart9 · 21/07/2017 00:14

What did he say to her. Telling her she should have had the
Decency sounds accusatory somehow

minipie · 21/07/2017 00:21

What do you think OP? And what did he say that she wants an apology for?

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 00:25

your Father deserves a bit more respect than.... Confused he NEEDS to be writing a letter apologising for being bloody concerned...

your Sister created the concern by informing your Father of her condition...then pisses off on vacation and doesn't have the decency to send a wee .. I'm ok .. text...

You Father is CORRECT.... and your Sister needs to stop using her kids as weapons.... she's a pure riot... NOT

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 00:27

having PND does give you a green card to treat people like SHIT

coddiwomple · 21/07/2017 00:27

Why didn't your parents contact her to check she was fine if they were that worried?

Maybe she should have done it, if she used to her family being "that" kind of family, but it sounds silly to be emotional and not bother sending a quick text yourself.

DoveOfPiss · 21/07/2017 00:30

A holiday with PND and children and you don't mention her DP/DH so is she a single parent OP? Under these circumstances I doubt she will even remember much about the 'holiday'. It certainly won't have felt like a holiday to her. I expect texting her parents to let them know she'd arrived was the last thing on her mind when trying to cope with young children and a mental illness in a foreign country, different time zone, probably after a long stressful flight...
Your DF was being very U and I suggest either he or you look up how to help and support someone with PND and get on and help her.

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 00:34

Dad has said he won't be emotionally blackmailed and won't be apologizing and that she has been wanting some sort of 'confrontation' for a while now and he won't rise to her bait.

OP posts:
IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 00:37

Your father is a dick. I'm not surprised your sister wants nothing to do with him without an apology.

reuset · 21/07/2017 00:37

Why didn't the parents contact her to check she was well at some point? I'd have done this on not hearing from her.
They only need explain their concern for her, hence your father being emotional. It depends what was said, but a written apology would seem a bit unnecessary.

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 00:38

She needed 'space' so they didn't want to stress her by texting. Dad also has terminal cancer and sister never once came round to visit after his diagnosis, so there is that....

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2017 00:38

IF your sister didn't have PND then I'd say your father was probably in the right of it. BUT SHE DOES.
So he ought to educate himself about the condition and then maybe consider being conciliatory rather than doing the stubborn mule thing.
Your sister needs help and support, not bloody confrontation and fighting.