Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Phone call gone bad...

212 replies

FUNM · 20/07/2017 23:53

Before going on holiday sister told parents she was tired and not coping with kids (has PND). Goes on holiday. No text saying she had arrived safely. Parents worrying all week. She gets back and phones up - dad is emotional and asks why she didn't have the decency to send a quick text. She takes it personally and conversation goes from bad to worse. She is now expecting a written apology from him but he doesn't think he needs to apologize. Any advice?

OP posts:
Majora · 21/07/2017 01:02

You're drip feeding a bit (a lot!) here. Also, the "you're not leaving me with her" thing is PND speaking. You're being very insensitive and blaming her for it and acting like she's using it as an excuse.

It isn't the same with each baby. I feel awful for her and your father - but they should work this out between themselves. They're both adults with illnesses, but he's not just a poor man who wants to spend time with his grandkids - if he really cared he would apologise and hopefully she will as well.

Maryz · 21/07/2017 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:03

I heard the phone call and he has been asking me whether he should write something so I think I am involved. Personally, I think it is laughable that she is demanding a written apology. I get she is going through a tough time but she still never visited him when he was sick. She should be more mature and just get over it and stop being so precious.

OP posts:
IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 01:07

I'm bowing out of this now. She should be more mature?
She's fucking suffering from a debilitating illness! She's not being 'so precious'. She can't just 'get over it'.
This level of ignorance of PND is depressing.

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:11

What I am saying is that her PND 'strikes' at convenient times ie. when she doesn't want to deal with family or doesn't want them to come to birthdays or family events as she is worried they might embarrass her.

OP posts:
IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 01:12

Why the abuse and foul language Maryz? Surely telling a fellow poster to fuck off is a little crass? Use your words. That's a good girl.

IdoHaveAName · 21/07/2017 01:13

So basically, you feel she's faking PND?

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 21/07/2017 01:15

Having read everything you've said, the vibe I'm getting from you is that you want everyone to say oh how mean and horrible your sister is and she's in the wrong and you're not BU. Life is rarely black and white, especially in the type of scenario you described. There are shades of grey and I don't believe your sister is the massive bitch that you're making her out to be.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 21/07/2017 01:17

Also why were your parents "worrying all week" about her. I assume they have a mobile phone or some sort of method of contacting her.

User02 · 21/07/2017 01:18

I think it sounds like the PND is useful when convenient to OP's sister when she wants things her way. PND is not fatal. It is not a load of fun and games but then neither is Cancer. I wonder if this is her starting up an excuse as to why she will not be helping out when the dad is in the latter stages of cancer. OP said that the sister did not visit the dad when very unwell.
I still think that PND is no excuse for extreme bad manners. All she had to do was text a short word or two

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:20

No she is not faking it she is using it, at times, as a convenient excuse to avoid family interaction. Yet, when she needs a babysitter she is perfectly fine with accepting last minute help from our parents - usually so she can go and get a pedicure or beauty treatment NOT therapy.

OP posts:
Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:21

@SunnySkie They were worrying all week as she had told them she wasn't coping.

OP posts:
LosingIsWinning · 21/07/2017 01:22

Asking someone for a written apology in this kind of personal, family argument is among the most ridiculous things i've ever heard.

A written apology?! Do people like this really exist?

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 21/07/2017 01:23

I wonder why she wants to avoid family interaction.

This is such a drama over a text?! My mum also likes to know when I've arrived safely. She - like other normal people - would text me if I forgot to text her or for whatever reason, just didn't text her. She wouldn't sit and stew for the duration of my trip and then bring it up later. That's very passive aggressive. Confused

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 21/07/2017 01:23

i think IdoHaveAName may be the PND sister! Grin

By the way - those signs/symptoms you listed - they are the same for ANXIETY of which i have personal experience.

We don't all need to have experienced PND ourselves to have empathy for others.....but there comes a point where the individual has to take some personal responsibility to help themselves instead of using and abusing other family members.

i've had anxiety and depression my whole life - even as a kid - and yet i don't treat people like that.

Having PND does not justify/excuse ALL twattish behaviour.

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/07/2017 01:23

My Dd is suffered from pnd undiagnosed initially for years and ended up so bad she was twice committed to a Mh unit and made two very serious attempts to take her own life. She was at times paranoid , hysterical, aggressive , you name it but even at rock bottom though she still knew right from wrong and to threaten your dying father with possibly not ever seeing his dgc before he leaves this mortal coil is awful behaviour sick or not and could only be justified in extreme cases if for example they were in danger from him. But no all he did was have a bit of moan at their mother borne out of worrying about her.

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/07/2017 01:26

My dsister suffered pnd that should've read

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:28

No , he is definitely NOT a danger to them lol He just enjoys seeing them

OP posts:
Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:29

They have simply texted her in the past to see how she is doing and she has gotten prickly and caused drama over a minor issue - a text.

OP posts:
Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:32

He gave her a heafty deposit to help her out with her mortgage. Paid a decent amount for her education and wedding - and is upset that she hasn't visited him, and now is demanding a written apology over a phone all. As someone said, it is really her way or the highway most of the time, so it is like fighting a losing battle.

OP posts:
CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 21/07/2017 01:33

she needs attention from you all - she'll be back.
Don't pander to her

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/07/2017 01:39

Sorry funm l wasnt suggesting he was. . Just giving an example of when such cruelty could be justified is all. I know how hard it is being around pnd it is like treading on eggshells and yes l know it is much worse being the sufferer but neither pnd nor children should be used to settle scores.

Original poster
FUNM · 21/07/2017 01:41

@Bah no problem you weren't to know if there was an issue like that involved. Fortunately, there isn't and you are right the children shouldn't be used as pawns in the adults mind games.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 21/07/2017 01:42

I'm on your dad's side. None of the women I know who've suffered from PND have behaved like this or used it as an excuse to be rude and/or shitty to other people.

ManyManyShoes · 21/07/2017 01:44

Written apology? PND or not she's a dick. Tell dad to ignore her and give her space until she comes to her senses.

Swipe left for the next trending thread