Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 03/07/2017 08:46

You don't to do it if you don't want to.

That's all there is to it. You can choose to say no.

SaucyJack · 03/07/2017 08:47

*have

Izzadoraduncancan · 03/07/2017 08:47

Just don't do it. Say no, that doesn't work for me. Totally entitled to say that. Don't give a reason as they will try and work round it.

AlternativeTentacle · 03/07/2017 08:48

when they ask, say no.

Mrsdraper1 · 03/07/2017 08:48

YANBU, I wouldn't say anything. Start dropping it into conversation about loads of plans you have made along the lines of "well, hardly going to be at home over the summer got so much planned" and then watch the expression on her face!

Sychnant · 03/07/2017 08:48

They haven't actually asked you. If and when they do, terribly sorry, it's too short notice. You already have plans.

Don't you??? Wink

SparklyMagpie · 03/07/2017 08:49

Tell them no, cheeky bastards

Don't do something you don't want, you'll be enabling them to do this even more in the future

You enjoy the summer holidays without babysitting everybody elses kids

AlternativeTentacle · 03/07/2017 08:49

if they say 'we said we might need a favour', say 'that is not a favour, that is taking the piss'.

Ratbagcatbag · 03/07/2017 08:49

Erm. Just say no!!

Do you have their number? If yes I'd text saying you'd heard that that you had lined up for childcare but it couldn't possibly be correct.

"Hi cheeky neighbour,

I bumped into Fred the other day who was under the impression that I was looking after bill and Ben for you in the holidays, I'm not sure where that's come from, but thought I'd better text you as I'm actually not available for most of the holidays and I wouldn't commit to that, what a weird misunderstanding.
Anyway speak soon

fam"

ginnybag · 03/07/2017 08:50

That's not the 'odd favour'.

She hasn't asked you yet, so I'd start talking about all the stuff you have planned which needs early starts. When she then panics and says 'but you said....' you can point out that she hadn't so much as mentioned it to you yet and that you can't agree to that anyway because of your husband.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/07/2017 08:50

WTAF?!

Angrybird123 · 03/07/2017 08:50

Find her today. Say 'you mentioned needing the odd favour. What exactly is it you are asking for?' Make sure you say 'asking' not 'what do you need'? She is coming to you for help, she needs to be the one firmly in the 'weaker' position of you know what I mean. She then says the hours you mentioned above (assuming your friend is right ) and you can say, 'oh I'm afraid we can't do that.' If you want to offer one day or whatever you're happy with fine but you are not obliged too. Cheeky of her to assume and to have said it you originally in the way she did. but you have to stand up for yourself here. She needs cover and has assumed you'll do it. She's out herself in a bad position but it's not your fault .

Justhadmyhaircut · 03/07/2017 08:50

Have some days /times ready to throw back about the returned favour if they absolutely guilt trip you into it. .
Or just say no. . .
Practice out loud in front of a mirror if necessary!!

SmitheringSmithison · 03/07/2017 08:51

Not unreasonable at all. Easily solved though, give them a quick ring or drop them a text along the lines of 'hey friend, I think there has been a bit of a mix up. X mentioned that you'd told them I was having the children whilst you're working over the summer holidays however I haven't (and wouldn't have been able to) agree to do this. Really hoping X has misunderstood what you meant as I have prior commitments that mean I'm unable to help this way.'

witchofzog · 03/07/2017 08:51

No you bloody well are not. How dare they be so presumptuous. You are going to need to make first contact I am afraid. Text them in a lighthearted way. Tell them a friend has said they are under the impression you are having their kids in the way she mentioned to you. You are sure she must have got this wrong but you need to let them know you have plans with your own children and the to your husband's work committments this will not be possible. The cheek of some people astounds me Shock

FlyingElbows · 03/07/2017 08:51

Op why are you behaving like you don't have the choice to say "no"?. Just say no.

CremeFresh · 03/07/2017 08:52

I would contact them and say you've heard through the grapevine that you're meant to be having their children. Tell them that you think it's just gossip but just to stop any confusion , you're letting them know that you won't be able to do this.

Mothervulva · 03/07/2017 08:52

If she hasn't asked you, she must have sorted something else surely

flowery · 03/07/2017 08:53

They haven't asked you, so when they do, just say no.

Confused
SmitheringSmithison · 03/07/2017 08:54

Oh and if she comes back and says 'but I asked you a favour' just tell her straight 'you mentioned the odd favour but never elaborated, unfortunately I'm not available.' Rinse and repeat.

sweetbitter · 03/07/2017 08:54

Anyone who would make plans around you having their kids every morning regularly without actually asking you deserves to have those plans interrupted (barring serious emergency).

Agreeing to the odd favour does not in any way equal agreeing to a regular arrangement and don't let her try to tell you it does, or that you in any way agreed to this!

You will need to be firm and as other posters say, say no without getting into the whys and wherefores as she will try to argue around them. If she starts to do that and ask why you can't have them, just answer the questions with either broken record technique or flip the question back round and ask why on earth she was making plans around you without actually having asked you!

rattieofcarcassone · 03/07/2017 08:54

Just say no. Or this will happen every bloody holiday. And if you haven't even met their eldest properly they're hardly people you have to worry about offending! (not that I would worry!)

kate20091985 · 03/07/2017 08:55

That's not a favour, that's free childcare! Plus the fact that she hasn't even asked you, ridiculous. I'd definitely bring it up with her, you don't want her turning up at 6.30 on the first day of the holidays.

ZaZathecat · 03/07/2017 08:55

They haven't even asked you yet. Other friend may have the wrong end of the stick. If they do ask you you can refuse, or just say e.g. 'that would be OK once a week, but I can't commit to every day'.

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 03/07/2017 08:56

You don't even need to mention Fred. Just say to them you're planning your hols so when exactly were they thinking of?

When they say 3/4 days a week just look shocked and say "oh gosh I can't do that. I can do .." and then however much you're happy with.

Personally I would find it hellish to look after someone else's kids at 6.30!