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Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 03/07/2017 08:56

You need to nip this is the bud otherwise we're going to be reading a thread 'My friend has just dumped her kids on me for the 6 week holidays' and we don't want that now do we ? Do we?

DirtyChaiLatte · 03/07/2017 08:56

That's so presumptuous of them!

That's 4 hours each day for 3/4 days a week starting at 6:30am.....I assume for free?? I know they haven't asked yet, but that's really taking the piss.

Don't let yourself be taken advantage of, because that's exactly what they're doing. At the very least, ask for payment. I might help out close family, or very close friends for free but never anyone else.

BMW6 · 03/07/2017 08:56

I agree with sending a text or calling round to tell her what has been said and if true put your foot down NOW!

ProfessorBranestawm · 03/07/2017 08:57

Wow how cheeky! Are you sure the mutual friend hasn't got their wires crossed and the cheeky friend was actually talking about someone else who HAD agreed?

I am a total wimp and I would be panicking too. I would worry that if this friend didn't say anything until the last minute (having for some reason assumed they didn't need to confirm in advance Hmm) and then guilt tripping you because it was too late to organise anything (I knowz. No is a complete sentence. But I really really struggle with it!)

Would it be worth preempting her (so as to get it all sorted now) by saying something like "oh I know you said you might need some favours during the holidays, when would that be? I can do [one day in July and one in August/one day a week/29th July/nothing]". Or suggest a like for like childcare swap where she does a shift for every shift you do...

alltouchedout · 03/07/2017 08:59

That's really weird. I'd contact them immediately and say "friend had just told me this- what on earth are they on about? I think I'd remember if we'd aranged something like that! She must be getting me confused with the childminder you've booked."

ProfessorBranestawm · 03/07/2017 09:00

Knowz?! I meant know obviously.

Reading cross posted replies I really wish I was braver like most of you! Blush

RolfNotRudolf · 03/07/2017 09:02

Seriously, you need to woman up.

Billben · 03/07/2017 09:03

No way on earth would i have somebody else's children from 6.30am 3/4 days a week during the summer holidays. That means no lie in for not only you but for your kids either. Would not put them through that to be honest.

blackteasplease · 03/07/2017 09:03

I would send message along the lines mentioned "I heard through the grapevine.... there must have been a misunderstanding as we haven't discussed it at all.. Just wanted you to know this is being said.... I wouldn't be able to do that anyway and I know you'd never ask for something as cheeky as that!". Almost as though you think it's funny.

zoemaguire · 03/07/2017 09:04

I genuinely don't understand how you could ever imagine you were being unreasonable, or that you'd even consider for a single second saying yes to this. I wouldn't mention it in advance at all. If it comes to being asked you look incredulous and say 'no sorry that's definitely not going to work'. I can be a doormat too sometimes but honestly, the piss-take requests that people feel compelled to say yes to on here are astonishing. It really isn't that difficult to say no to a blatantly ridiculous request.

NemosKnickers · 03/07/2017 09:04

No need for you to feel sick. Nothing has happened yet and you've done nothing wrong.

Prepare yourself to Beverly firm with your boundaries and don't budge.

Original poster
famtastic · 03/07/2017 09:04

Yes it definitely true, my friend who told me is good friends with them, and she does this for them in the week before school. I only know them through her and have known them a year now. I mostly see them on the school runs, as we live close and all go the same way so end up walking together. Anyway my friend can't help them over the summer as she already has plans. It was the husband that asked me for "odd favour" he asked another Mum at the same time, but now they assume me and this Mum are doing it. Other Mum can't now as she is moving house. No they never pay my friend, but then she said in front of my friend we best offer some money in holidays so it doesn't look like we are taking the pi**

My friend agrees with me they are taking the mick, but this is what they are like all the time. My kids are still little 3 & 8, 8 year old has autism and likes his routine in the morning and my 3 year old still hardly sleeps. So I wouldn't agree to this! I just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable to say no.

OP posts:
NemosKnickers · 03/07/2017 09:05

Beverly wtf

*be very firm

edwinbear · 03/07/2017 09:05

She hasn't actually asked you to look after her children though, has she. You are worrying over a problem that doesn't exist. IF she asks you, you just simply say 'oh sorry, I can't do that'.

Anatidae · 03/07/2017 09:05

God yes you need to sort this now!

rightwhine · 03/07/2017 09:06

Absolutely no way should you do any more than the odd day you agreed to.

Ask her if she can let you know which couple of favors she needs from you as you are organising your summer and won't be available if you haven't penciled them in. Just look aghast when she says more than a couple of days. Then say oh no you agreed to the odd favor which in your book is a couple of days and you can't possibly do more than that.

Don't be drawn in with excuses. She'll just come up with ways round them.Just say that dh won't want people around in the morning if you need to. I'm sure he won't mind being blamed. Otherwise just say I don't want to be responsible for more kids and I would never have agreed to more than the odd day.
Broken record - I agreed to the odd favour. I can't do that.

NemosKnickers · 03/07/2017 09:06

No no no no no

PRACTICE SAYING IT!

MrsNuckyThompson · 03/07/2017 09:07

Don't be a doormat - if they ask now just say no!! They've left it ridiculously late and this isn't just 'an odd favour' it is some major childcare.

notapizzaeater · 03/07/2017 09:07

I'd send e text above saying you'd just heard and was confused as you had plans so would never have agreed to this.

Their childcare is not your problem

DirtyChaiLatte · 03/07/2017 09:10

Just say that it's too early in the morning as your 8 y/o son with Autism needs his routine, and it wouldn't be fair on him to disrupt it so much.

Ginslinger · 03/07/2017 09:10

Get in there now and explain that it is not possible and that there has been a huge misunderstanding -

DAMNgina · 03/07/2017 09:11

CremeFresh Mon 03-Jul-17 08:56:26 You need to nip this is the bud otherwise we're going to be reading a thread 'My friend has just dumped her kids on me for the 6 week holidays' and we don't want that now do we ? Do we?

Exactly this. Exactly. Text, now, otherwise she'll be on your doorstep with the kids, using them and the social situation to manipulate you.

That sets the standards for this Summer and, indeed, all summers to come.

TestTubeTeen · 03/07/2017 09:11

Seize the bull by horns.

Say: I'm making plans, you mentioned an occasional day when you might like me to have the kids for a while, do you know when that is!

When the request for dawn childcare gets stated, say 'ah, i didn't realise that is what you meant! I won't be up by then and the kids certainly won't, and DH enjoys a respite from our usual scramble in the mornings with everyone milling round so I can't see him welcoming a dawn crèche in the house! I'll happily have them from after breakfast for a couple of days. I thought that is what you meant when you said 'a couple of favours'. It sounds as if you need a childminder '

There may be childminders with spaces for families that don't need before school care in the holidays.

Nelly5678 · 03/07/2017 09:11

Don't mention it and when she turns up say she never actually made arrangements with you and so it's not happening

londonrach · 03/07/2017 09:12

Say no and repeat. Youve been asked anyway. I wouldnt do any favours and sounds like they take advantage. If you can find out first day and go out vvv early or dont answer the door. Id go and stay at my parents over night.