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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 03/07/2017 09:58

As you've already said yes to the first Monday, you do need to talk to them.

Be specific. Say (for instance) that you can have them from 9 for the morning, and will they be picking up before lunch or sending it with the children.

honeysucklejasmine · 03/07/2017 10:00

Bloody hell. I'm a SAHM and I dread this when did starts school. We took the financial hit for our child's benefit, not to provide childcare for all and sundry. Helping out because their usual childminder is sick (for example) is v different to having the kids every day.

I would tackle this now OP before it gets out of hand.

Colacolaaddict · 03/07/2017 10:01

You need to find out what they are asking for, it could be anything with that age group from dropping the 10 year old on the doorstep every morning to just being available in an emergency. Find out what they are asking first and consider how much of it you're prepared to do.

For goodness' sake don't start out saying nothing before 7am, they'll see you coming a mile off! Seriously, you may owe them a few hours - fine, do a handful of mornings, but that's it. You really do need to practice saying "no", and you need to know exactly what they are asking. They may be relying on vagueness. Vague will not work in your favour.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2017 10:01

Don't leave it, you need to sort it out before they turn up on your doorstep.

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 10:03

Don't do them a single favour!!! They're piss-takers.

Do not get drawn into dialogue _at all I cannot stress this enough do not say "oh my elderly relative" blah blah these people will wheedle with you and wear you down!!!

_the father didn't ask even at the school gates, "oh we may need a favour" - yeah great good for you, how about a request and a "please"?

Do not do anything for them - it will spoil the holidays for your own kids. They are twats who think stay at home mums are free childminders. They can fuck off. Believe me, they are being really condescending to you. Do not give them an inch , they will take a mile. No arrangement has been made so just say no no no!!! Get some respect for yourself & put your foot down

Colacolaaddict · 03/07/2017 10:03

Honeysuckle it's not usual though.

BraveBear · 03/07/2017 10:04

Someone cannot put that level of "favour" on someone without explaining in detail what it involves!

You agreed to the next Monday, so I guess you're a bit stuck there, but when you are asked to do them a favour on Wednesday just be ready with "No, I can't have them another day this week, I have to (whatever excuse would be most plausible for you)" and then just say "No, I can't" don't get drawn into negotiations. If they get stroppy and say you were their holiday childcare look as shocked as you felt when you found out and say if they'd asked you, you would have told them you couldn't commit to that. And do not say sorry, you don't have anything to apologize for!

Berthatydfil · 03/07/2017 10:05

They aren't friends enough for you to have their mobiles??

dustarr73 · 03/07/2017 10:05

Get the number off your friend and text them.You won't rest easy waiting for that knock.
I think their plan is too knock on the morning.The element of surprise and you won't be able too say no.

Hi piss taker,I won't be available for childcare or the odd favour.As we have a fully booked summer.

They don't care about upsetting your routine,so don't worry about letting them down.They knew the summer wascomng and should have sorted better childcare.

PurpleDragon76 · 03/07/2017 10:05

In no way at all are you being unreasonable. This has irritated me that they would be so dumb and entitled to assume. Please for all that is good in the world tell them your friend told you what they assumed and that its not possible. Its very empowering not explaining yourself.

Hey cheeky fucker neighbour, friend told me you thought I was having your kids every day of the holidays, well I can't do that and you didn't ask. You have time now to sort child care Grin

PurpleDragon76 · 03/07/2017 10:06

Urgh this has really irritated me! They are massive piss takers!!

wobblywonderwoman · 03/07/2017 10:06

I would say it today or if you are like me you won't enjoy the next two weeks and the first day of your holidays with be spoiled.

Just text them

CoraPirbright · 03/07/2017 10:08

Re: the wimp/awkwardness thing - I totally get that but do bear in mind just how much money you would be saving them in childminder fees, the cheeky buggers! Most non-cheeky, non-entitled parents would organise cover in advance and cough up for it!! As they have done you a few favours in the past, perhaps you should contact them now and say: "Dear XX, I gather from XX that you are expecting me to have your kids 4 days a week through the hols. Just wanted to clear up the misunderstanding that seems to have happened - I will not be able to do this due to other commitments and would never have been able to commit to this. However, I can have them on x date and x date so do please let me know if you would like me to have them then - would be delighted to help you out on those dates. Love, Fam".

Pre-emptiness, avoids awkwardness and hopefully allows you to diairise well in advance!

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 10:08

You need to nip this in the bud now.

Whilst I think they are being cheeky, they obviously think they have childcare in place. If you weren't aware then there would be no issue with you telling them that you were not able to do this, however you are aware and it's not fair to leave until the last minute to say no. It will cause far more awkwardness than if you say something now.

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 10:09

Don't do the first Monday. Text them & say plans have changed & I heard you're expecting childcare from 6am - that's not available. Have a good summer. Pip pip and cheerio.

I'm not kidding - relinquish the offer of the first Monday now. They will take it as having got "their foot in the door". You owe them fuck all. The dad sounds like a tosser of the highest order.

AlternativeTentacle · 03/07/2017 10:09

Don't leave it, you need to sort it out before they turn up on your doorstep.

She doesn't NEED to do a damn thing. She doesn't need to open the door, nor run after them trying to find out what it was they are expecting.

I'd forgotten until he asked me for help the first Monday of the holidays, I said yeah I should be able to.

Should. Not definitely in the diary yes. They have not mentioned it since. So you presume that it was not needed.

Mix56 · 03/07/2017 10:10

pictish said it well, Just pop a note through the letter box, saying you'd heard, & to avoid them assuming they had their child minding sorted. that at no point had you agreed to 24/7, the "odd favour", does not equate to full days for 6 weeks - destroying your whole summer.--
& you don't even have her phone number...... not like you are best pals !

CoraPirbright · 03/07/2017 10:10

*Pre-empts Blush

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2017 10:10

Say no sorry, I am busy in the summer holidays. Cheeky mare

DancesWithOtters · 03/07/2017 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeyHay · 03/07/2017 10:12

What's the MN classic?

No is a complete sentence

That you even asking whether YABU or not shows what a nice person you are, but also that you might be a doormat. Stand up for yourself!

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 10:14

@purpledragon - i'm with you - this story has irritated me beyond belief!!! Just another example of entitled twats assuming that childcare isn't "really" a paid profession & that if you are a stay at home mum it's not like you do any work anyway and you must therefore love all kids, anytime...! Argh! Plus, this is really really unfair on the op's own children. I would have hated other kids being around all the time on my summer holidays. OP, please tell 'em that you're looking forward to a summer with your own children, not theirs! I wouldn't even bother continuing to be friends

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 10:15

I feel sorry for their kids, to be honest.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/07/2017 10:17

You don't have to do anything in this life. Certainly not when its already been presumed you do it. Telling the world and his wife and his uncle that you'd be minding their dcs. Before you'd even been asked. From 6.30am as well. You'd have to be up for at least 5.30. Fuck that
They can't be planning to pay you, as surely. That's why they're expecting you to do it for free, as oppose to having to pay a Registered CM.

rightwhine · 03/07/2017 10:20

She doesn't need to say anything now but she should because then she won't be worrying about the forthcoming confrontation.

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