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AIBU?

To think I can't punish myself

200 replies

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:05

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

OP posts:
dustmotesinthesun · 28/06/2017 14:06

This is your partner saying this? The person who is supposed to love and chrish and protect you? Do you think that's kind behaviour op?

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:07

Yep supposedly
Apparently the effect my previous behaviour had on him is the most important thing

OP posts:
Notknownatthisaddress · 28/06/2017 14:07

LTB Angry

He is being abusive to you. End of.

MyheartbelongstoG · 28/06/2017 14:07

Does he call you a slut?

pinkyredrose · 28/06/2017 14:07

I can't see what you've done wrong. You had sex while you were single that doesn't make you a slut! ! He however cheated on you.

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:07

He says I should be attempting every day for the rest of my life to prove I am not a slut any more and to make it up to him

OP posts:
Creampastry · 28/06/2017 14:07

You can't change your past but you can certainly change your future. Step 1: leave the bastard.

araiwa · 28/06/2017 14:07

Fuck him off

glenthebattleostrich · 28/06/2017 14:08

Divorce him.

Your past is just that. As long as you weren't part of a couple when you were enjoying yourself then he can shut the fuck up (happy to bring my PMT and come tell him that for you.)

And you weren't a slut, you were a single woman enjoying herself.

He is a pathetic abusive bully.

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:08

Yes he's called me a slut. A whore. A slag. Disgusting. Disgraceful.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 28/06/2017 14:09

Plus he's zone controlling bastard. Please do yourself a favour and confine him to the history pile.

KatnissNeverdone · 28/06/2017 14:09

He's a dick and is using your past behaviour (when you weren't even together if I'm reading right) as an excuse to control you and to cheat.

Seriously you don't deserve this and you can honestly do much better.

FidgetSpinner · 28/06/2017 14:09

Jesus, LTB Angry

shouldnthavesaid · 28/06/2017 14:09

He sounds a charmer Hmm, you were single and you had sex - that's no bad thing at all.

He's abusing you, you need to leave your marriage . Is there anyone who would support you in rl? Flowers

Quartz2208 · 28/06/2017 14:10

your behaviour prior to getting together is nothing to do with him and there was nothing wrong with it and certainly does nt mean he can be unfaithful Why are you with him

FlaviaAlbia · 28/06/2017 14:10

He's abusing you. No matter what you did or when he would have found something to use to justify him treating you like this. He's isolating you on purpose so you won't have anyone who can help you.

Would you consider moving this to relationships? And contacting women's aid when he's not there to talk it though? 0808 2000 247

mctat · 28/06/2017 14:10

In answer to your question, no you can't - and why on earth should you? He sounds like he has serious issues, and there is absolutely no positive outcome for you from someone who would even think something like this about anyone, let alone say it to the person he claims to love.

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:11

If it weren't for our DC I'd be on a train right now

OP posts:
Honeybee79 · 28/06/2017 14:11

He sounds like a shit.

fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:11

The thing is I am cringey about my
Behaviour back then. I did behave like a slag. Always under the influence. But I don't know what the fuck he expects me to do

OP posts:
fuckmyfuckinglife · 28/06/2017 14:13

I do have support it's just not easy to up and leave right now. I need to find a house and some cash for a removal van. Tbh I'm just wondering whether I am being unreasonable and I SHOULD allow the controlling behaviour to appease him even though I know deep down he's wrong

OP posts:
mctat · 28/06/2017 14:13

He knows that and is using it against you.

DJBaggySmalls · 28/06/2017 14:13

Do you see his behaviour as abusive and controlling? Do you want to leave?

Racmactac · 28/06/2017 14:13

So fucking what if you shagged half of the uk. It's not illegal, you are entitled to behave however you want to.

It's in the past which is where he should be. Ltb

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/06/2017 14:14

Er.... what the fucking fuck?

What a scumbag!

He does not deserve you.

You do NOT have to apologise for the way you behaved when you were younger.

This is all about control. This total wanker is trying to control you and sounds like he is making your life a misery. I you stay with him, he will make MISERABLE.

Get your DC and get on that train. Please.

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