To think I can't punish myself

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

[Goldenphoenix]

He is a controlling abuser by the sounds of it. Most people have a colourful past and when you marry someone you are accepting that. You do not need to feel ashamed at all but do need to look at your current relationship, it does not sound healthy at all and i am worried for you.

[Largebucket]

OP, if he didn't keep banging on about it in an abusive way, would there be any long term seriously negative consequences of your behaviour when you were young? If not, what have you to feel bad about? If he wasn't shitting in you over this it would be over something else, he's reaching around for emotional sticks to beat you with.

[PoorYorick]

He's an absolute cunt and I hate him

So do I. I'm so glad you're going to free yourself from this hypocritical, abusive, misogynistic, gutless, worthless shitwad. Your children deserve better and so do you.

[fishonabicycle]

You are not a slut or an idiot. Just get away from him as soon as you can. You and your children deserve a whole lot better. Good luck.

[OpalIridescence]

It doesn't matter if you regularly had whole crowds of partners while taking every substance going.

This man is not your god, who is he to judge you in any way?

He is vile and abusive.

If he knew nothing of your past ( which is totally irrelevant) he would find some other way to belittle and control you.

It really isn't you, it's him.

Please, please leave and rediscover a life of happiness and freedom.

[HappyFlappy]

Was he a virgin when you married?

If not, he has no room to criticise.

And if he was (hahahahaha) then he should b made aware that he chose you knowing you had had a number of sexual partners (don't call yourself a slut, please, unless you deliberately spent your early sexual life breaking up other people's relationships - that is slutty behaviour!) and that it didn't matter to him then, and it shouldn't now.

He is the one behaving like a "slut" because he is now married and is serially unfaithful. You, if I read your post correctly, have been faithful since you committed yourself to him.

You are not, and were not, a slut. This is back to the double standard that even now is applied to men and women. If you were a bloke he would have been admiring you as a "bit of a lad". DOn't let him make you feel bad about yourself. You are worth much more.

[Sleephead1]

So he thinks your a slut but went out with you and married you ? I thinks hes just found a way to try to control you. I mean if he was bothered by your behaviour why would he have wanted to go out with you. I slept around when younger. My husband knows about some of it as knows some people i slept with. So what though i never claimed i was a virgin and i wasnt with him so i dont consider it anything to do with him. If he didnt like it he shouldnt have gone out with me and same for your husband.

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

Well he knew and it clearly didn't bother him when starting out in a relationship with you or he wouldn't have. FWIW my first boyfriend had a lot of sexual partners before me (over 100) but that's life, and it had no bearing on our relationship.

He's an abusive, disgusting man who is just looking for any excuse to mistreat you. How does the amount of partners you had prior to getting with him excuse his cheating?

Youre not a "slag" or a "whore", he's trying to grind you down so you feel like it's your fault and don't leave his pathetic arse. Please don't listen to him - and get the unfaithful, disloyal, pathetic excuse for a man out of your life.

[EssieTregowan]

He's abusive.

Has he been violent to you in the past?

I'd put money on him still being physical with you, arm punches, punches, barging past etc.

I'm worried for your safety if you tell him you are leaving. Can you do a flit? Do you have somewhere to go?

[Dawndonnaagain]

There is no such thing as a slut, only men who are afraid of women behaving in the same manner as them. You are right, the perception is unequal. You deserve better.

[EssieTregowan]

When I left I did it with the clothes on our backs and went home to my parents 100 miles away, two toddlers in tow.

Is that an option?

[innagazing]

I'm glad you're getting ready to leave him. keep things calm until you do as he sounds vile.
I think you should let your friend come home from holiday before texting her though, as it doesn't seem fair to impact on the end of her holiday

[SabineUndine]

Get on that train, darling, and take the DC with you. He's being abusive and you deserve better. You don't have to excuse who you slept with before you were with him.

[SweetLuck]

Thank god you're leaving him, what a prat!

[shittymctwatface]

So you were friends, then you got together and you changed your ways? Or did you do that before getting together? - I'm being nosey, it does t give him a few rain to cheat FIVE times?! Emotionally and verbally abuse you.

Be strategic, ducks in a row and leave the fucker.

Xxxxc

[NotTooWorried]

Please please get away from him.

[minionsrule]

OP could someone from your family come and get you? Even if you pack a car up and get the rest of the stuff later that would be better than waiting for your friend.
There is clearly no joy in this marriage, I bet he married you as he saw you as a soft option to bully and control due to your past (nothing wrong with it by the way)
This is a horrible way to live - does he say these things in front of the dc? If so my feet wouldn't touch the ground and believe me I am usually the last to say LTB but this on deserves it with knobs on

[Inkypink0]

😱 he is fucking awful!

You need to get away from him.

[RedSkySuperStar]

He's abusive, leave him for the sake of your kids not despite them. You are worth it, and he is not.

[DoIDontIhavethetalk]

He's an abusive, controlling cunt. End of.

[MsSusanStoHelit]

You are NOT being unreasonable.

Tbh I'm just wondering whether I am being unreasonable and I SHOULD allow the controlling behaviour to appease him even though I know deep down he's wrong

I'm glad you know he's wrong, because he totally, totally is and you need to trust yourself on this one. Fuck the twat off as soon as you can get the money together and then you really can leave the past behind if you want to.

Personally I don't see what's so wrong with sowing your wild oats but if you feel a need to move on from it, I don't see how you can do that with that nasty millstone husband round your neck.

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Thank you for all the replies I will read properly and reply later but I did see one asking about the DC - no they're at school they don't see any of this

[DeleteOrDecay]

You are not a slut op. Most of us have a past.

This man sounds awful, he will do your self esteem no good. I don't say this lightly, LTB.

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

I could rush off to my family if I felt unsafe - I just feel horrendously guilty because I do actually think he is damaged by his toxic parents