To think I can't punish myself

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

Are you safe? Has he ever physically harmed you?

men and women are equal they are only not to him - how often is he unfaithful

Yeah I'm okay. He won't beat the shit out of me or anything because of the kids x

He's slept with at least five women

If he ever raises a finger to you, ring the police straight away. Can you make a plan to leave him? I understand you can't just leave straight away but maybe you could start to think of things you need to do in order to leave?

Forget about the infidelity, the way his treating you is much worse than that. Just focus on getting away.

Another one to say he is a abusive prick!

He sounds massively abusive and controlling.

I had this I used to do lingerie/nude modelling, my ex held it over my head it got worse and I stuck around for 5 years. It's just gets worse.

Im sorry you've been going through this

(My current lovely DH knows and couldn't care less, he'd never hold it over my head)

Slut is a truley vile words especially to say about yourself. No one is a slut.... Nothing wrong with having sex with multiple peope.

H is an abusive wanker. Please leave him. So what you took drugs? You drank a lot? And.....

So he's a slut? To use his own words. Have you had an sti test? Is there anywhere you can go today? How the hell did you end up with this abusive wanker?

OP don't think he won't be violent to you cos of the kids. I thought that too. I was very wrong. As pp already said, get financial info, DC birth certs & your passports and contact Women's Aid. Be careful when planning your exit as that will be dangerous time for you all. Take care & keep posting. you'll get lots of help/advice here.

OP don't think he won't be violent to you cos of the kids. I thought that too. I was very wrong. As pp already said, get financial info, DC birth certs & your passports and contact Women's Aid. Be careful when planning your exit as that will be dangerous time for you all. Take care & keep posting. you'll get lots of help/advice here.

You should never have to prove yourself, why did he marry you if he thought you were all those things? So he could bully you for the rest of your life?

You didn't do anything that most other young, single people did. He cannot treat you this way and expect you to live the rest of your life like this. Please call him out on his behaviour, it's disgusting and cruel and he deserves to have been left a long time ago. You are none of the things he's called you, and the worst thing is it's been going on for so long that you're now believing it to be true.

OOPS! Sorry for the double post

OOPS! Sorry for the double post

Just wanted to offer you my support OP and to say that I am raging on your behalf - he is - as you say - a massive cunt.

I assume he entered into a relationship with you of his own free will, knowing exactly what had gone on in your life? Therefore he can only be using what he knows about your past to justify his abusive behaviour and affairs.

You have done nothing wrong. You were not a 'slut'. You were a single woman having fun. Fuck him and anybody else who thinks there's anything wrong with that.

You need to make your own decisions about how you deal with this from herein. But please know 100% that you did nothing wrong or to be ashamed of.

Honestly there is no such thing as a slut, it's just a word used to control you by a judgemental prick. He is the one who needs to feel shame for his actions never you. You deserve much more than this OP I hope you know that.

If anyone in this relationship warrants the label of "slut", it's not you.

He's the slut. And an abusive one, at that.

DH and I were friends, good friends, before being lovers.

It was, ahem, a busy time for me and I used to share my secrets with him.

He's never, ever had an issue with it. And why would he? He was the lucky fucker who finally got me to settle down

You are not a slut or any other of those disgusting, misogynistic words.

He's an abuser. Only one way to deal with them. Leave.

Using the things that you did in the past to excuse his behaviour in the present, is not okay and is abusive behaviour. You need to make plans to leave asap OP.

I'm wondering why he actually married you if he had such a problem with your past? Was it for the sole purpose of controlling you forever? You were young, you're not like that anymore... so what's the problem? You need to find a way to get out of there... it's abusive emotionally and psychologically.

Wow he's a cunt.

He's an abusive prick. You did nothing to him. He doesn't own you and your behaviour before you became a couple is nothing to do with him. If he disapproved (which would still be prickish), he didn't have to start a relationship with you or marry you.

There will be no way for you to ever 'make up' for this as it's just a cover for him to control you and make you feel worthless.

There is no problem with consenting sex between adults and he has NO RIGHT to shame you and try to control you about it, no matter what you did in the past.
You have every right to friends, social media, conversations with whoever you want at work and your own fully active social life. He has no right to control any of it. LTB definitely.

I hope you can get away from this man

His attitudes to women are horrendous