To think I can't punish myself

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

I haven't read the whole thread so I am sure this has already been said but the only thing you need to "prove" to him is that you respect yourself even if he doesn't and you prove that by walking the fuck away!

He sounds like a sad bastard for condemning you for being the person he actively chose to pursue a relationship with. It's a curious thing that often what attracts us to a partner can be a source of resentment after a time, and possibly when the relationship is struggling. Maybe he is self conscious and feels he could easily be usurped by another suitor?

I read the first few comments and my instant feeling is he picked you to abuse you. He knew all the details (as a good friend might) but instead of loving you (as a PP Dh did) he used it against you. If your past is such a problem for him then why on earth did he marry you? I can only see that he wanted someone he could abuse.

Doesn't matter if it's 10, 20, 300. It's not a crime to be young and free

He is an abusive bastard. As for sleeping with 20 men, so what? That's not even that manyit's less than my magic number and I'm no slut

If it wasn't this, he'd pick something else to control you with. Please, please leave him...and get your magic number up even higher(when the time's right of course)

20 you say? JUST 20? I was expecting something way more (and would still have said it didn't matter).

Get your plan in place.

Get out.

And get rid of all of this bullshit that he is filling your head with before you really start to brelive it.

This man is abusing you and it WILL impact your children.

Men and women are unequal tho

WTF? Why? Do you really believe this? Or is this the bullshit spouted by your abusive husband?

He is abusive. And you were probably not a "slut". Get your finances sorted (make sure your salary is going into your own separate account, and get a hold of any savings.
Sort out somewhere to live and then ltb

He's back and forth constantly between being nice and calling me a slut. Feel like telling him he's fucking boring. Just need to get my ducks in a row thanks all for your replies xx

Jaysus! LTB!!

call him what he is emotionally abusive. and you know he is being abusive because it hurts you.
you need to take control.

He also wants to control where I go and who I might see 🙄🙄 boring as fuck tbh!

A) stop saying slut like it's a bad thing to enjoy having sex with people
B) he clearly doesn't love you if he's punishing you for past behaviour which had no effect on him
C) he clearly thinks badly of women and their freedom to do what they want with their bodies
D) LtB

Leave him and start your life anew somewhere else.

At what point in your life did you begin a couple-relationship with this horrible man? I bet it was when you were feeling really low - perhaps short of money, perhaps you had had a particularly nasty experience... He would have swooped down and convinced you he was your 'only friend'. This would have been entirely deliberate. He may even have engineered whatever bad thing happened to you (once you are rid of him, have a little read about NiceGuys) so you were vulnerable and he could begin to manipulate you. But you definitely need to get away, as soon as possible. Do you have DC with him? If so, get advice from WA on how to minimize contact (because people like him are dangerous to children, as well).

Ok so slightly different perspective. I don't actually think promiscuity is great, and won't join in the 'you go girl, shag anything you can' cheerleading. But so what? Everyone has made mistakes, done things that weren't perhaps ideal. If you think you haven't, really, you haven't even downloaded TV programmes or music technically illegally?! Humans sometimes do bad things. I'm not judging OP. The thing is, even if OP had done something really terrible, which she hasn't, her DH married her, knowing it. Everyone should have the chance to change and be forgiven. A decent partner shows kindness and compassion and forgiveness, sees the best in their partner. As Marilyn Monroe said, if you can't deal with me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. He does not get to keep bringing up the past and beating OP over the head with it. Especially when he cheated FFS. He's a nasty abusive twat. Good luck getting rid OP

You don't have to put up with thi you know

He's back and forth constantly between being nice and calling me a slut

BIG warning sign!

Nice husband vs nasty husband keeps you off-balance and makes it easier to control you and make you think you're the unreasonable one ("gaslighting" technique).

I'm with Brokengirl - I don't like proniscuity (for men or women) - not because I don't think we have the right to do what we want with our bodies, but because I think it can lead to loss of self-respect (as it has with you) and makes people physically and emotionally vulnerable in many ways.

However, your early choices were yours to make. Your husband knew about them and apparently accepted you for the person you are, and is only now using it to his own advantage when it suits him. YOU have done NOTHING wrong.

Op, did you feel ashamed of your actions at the time or is it a decade of being told you should be that has lead to you viewing yourself as 'used'?

Do you view your dh as 'used'?

Women desire sex as much as men and have every right to engage in consenting sex as men do. Fuck him off, he's a woman hating twat.

He's a twat, my number is much higher than yours (as is my DPs), but neither of us cares. He's just using it to control you, get out while you still know he's an idiot, eventually he'll grind you down and you'll believe him

I have had consensual sex with more than 100 people. I think it's made me a stronger, happier person and better at spotting woman-haters, predators and losers.
I appreciate that not everyone wants to do what I did, and it's fair enough that we all make our own choices. I'm posting it to show OP that not everyone (hardly anyone) would share her H's view of her past as something to be punished for. Anyone trying to 'punish' me for mine would get laughed at.

I'll be 100% honest sometimes I woke up thinking oh my fucking god what have I done 😔 but it was a long time ago I really don't think about it if I can help it! I would never behave like that now because I'm a mother