To think I can't punish myself

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

His magic number is well into triple figures

YOU ARE WITH MY EX!

I am barely into double figures and i am nearly 50.

My ex used to wake me up in the middle of the night and call me to the telly to point at destitute people in a country I used to live in and say that this was the kind of people I had screwed.

Complete bollocks

I'd never been to a shanty town/ghetto, driven past them at a distance, but certainly never wandered near or around them, let alone gone out with anyone there...

My ex would torture me for hours, days etc and would take great delight in using the most obscure of references to start off his rants.

Kick this prick in the balls NOW and tell him to ftfo.

Do whatever it takes to get this vermin out of your life.

I ended up a complete shadow of myself, it's taken me YEARS to recover.

I want to kick the shit out of your Soon-to-be-Ex. Seriously.

The only thing you owe to a soul is to your DC.

Get the DC out of this situation as soon as you can, within days they will be showing signs of improvement and you will be a happier and better parent.

Trust me. You will be astonished at how things change for the better and how immediate it is.

I could rush off to my family if I felt unsafe - I just feel horrendously guilty because I do actually think he is damaged by his toxic parents

and he is damaging you and your DC, in the same way...

it is down to you to stop the rot.

your DC need you. BE the fabulous parent you ARE and save them from this abuse?

Wait, he's slept with 100+ people and you've slept with less than 20 and HE'S calling YOU a slut? How the fuck does he justify that? Because you're a woman? Fuck that shit.

OP please leave this disgusting abusive bastard. I promise you won't regret it.

You could shag your way across London and back again and unless you are cheating on him at the time it would be none of his damn business. And I say that as someone who has only ever had one sexual partner.

Oh FFS get rid of the abusive twat! So what however many you slept with .

You know he's abusive so go back to your family and sort it out- don't put up with is shit. and it is SHIT - because he is so inadequate and insecure he has to make you feel bad to boost himself. He also has a history of violence - really what are you thinking??? Not really happy families stuff is it? Get rid and do yourself and DC a favour - nothing is EVER going to get better here.

So childish to compare 'magic numbers' anyway.

In my experiencexperience people'say insecurities about their partners/friends tend to be rooted firmly in whatever faults or behaviours they themselves have. He is obsessing about the idea of you cheating because he himself is a cheat. He can't imagine you having a social life and remaining faithful because he himself hasn't.

That being said he sounds like a complete bellend and I can't imagine how horrible living with someone like that must be. I hope you don't have to wait too long before you can leave!

Why do you stay? What positives does he bring to your life?

He has cheated on you with 5 different women since you have been together. You have not slept with anyone else.

In the time you have been together he has had sex with 25% of the number of people you have ever had sex with.

He has had sex with at least 5x the number of people you have ever had sex with.

And yet he expects you to prove to him that you aren't sexually promiscuous. Whilst cheating on you? Why are you with him? Why did you choose this prince from your 20 frogs? Chuck him back in with the rest of the pond life. He isn't worth keeping.

You say now you regret your previous life. That's OK. You are allowed to change and look back with regrets.

He was part of that old life. The old you. Not the new, grown up you.

Good luck. But be careful how you leave.

He is using your sense of guilt and low self esteem as a weapon against you. This is not loving behaviour. He's a complete shit.

There is no excuse, no mitigating circumstance, you could of shagged half the population and it wouldn't ever mean he could treat you like this. He's a dick. Run fast and run far.

A single young woman having consensual sexual experiences is nothing like a person in a committed relationship cheating and being abusive to his partner.

Basically what he's saying is that I'm tainted

Nah, what he's saying is that that's the excuse he's latched onto to abuse you. If you'd been a nun he would have found an excuse.

But you're not tainted. He's full of shit.
Honestly, read a bit about Nice Guys and the friendzone. This woman-hater was NEVER your friend. He pretended to be, in order to gain control over you. Take back that control, kick him out - or leave with DC, depending on what is more practical. And laugh at his accusations and his nonsense. They are ludicrous.

(OK, don't laugh at him till you are safely away, as men like this can become violent very quickly.)

Ok, the reponse is this:

"I'm tainted. Too tainted for you, so I will do you the honour of setting you free of me. I am going to be with my kind, and allowing you to rise to be with the kind of people you need to be with. I wish you luck in your new life, have a good one"

Honestly, this guy is a cancer on humanity.

Actually, that's an insult to cancer.

Nah, what he's saying is that that's the excuse he's latched onto to abuse you. If you'd been a nun he would have found an excuse.

This is exactly correct. If not this, it really would be something else!

what he's really saying is that he is a woman-hating sex-shaming asshole who was never your friend and whom you need to dump.

sorry forgot "hypocritical" in there, that should be there too!

Fucking hell. There's so much to say on this but I'm going to keep it short.

There is no such thing as a "slut". And you should both stop calling you that. It's just a vile word only used towards women.

He is abusing you. Very seriously abusing you. And he is a nasty bastard.

You have to leave him. Will you?

I've almost certainly slept with as many men as you or possibly more OP

It doesn't make me a slut. It makes me an adult woman who enjoys sex and has had a few casual partners. I've slept with more men than my boyfriend has slept with women. There is no way that he thinks I'm tainted or damaged goods because he isn't a nasty misogynist.

I'm sad that it seems your boyfriend's horrible sexist ideas seem to have infected you that you think this way about yourself. I really hope you can leave him

Can women's aid help me find a house nearer to my support network?

They'd definitely take your support network into consideration, but I doubt they'd guarantee it.

Well there isn't any social housing where I actually live even if I wanted to stay around here

So this man thought you were tainted because you had had no more than 1/5 of the number of sexual partners he has had.

And then HE CHOSE TO MARRY YOU, having decided that in his eyes you were a slut. Have you ever thought about why that might have been, OP?

It was because he wanted his marriage- the institution that most men see as being about mutual love and support and cherishing- to be about him being able to make you feel bad! He WANTED that on the day that he married you! THAT is what he married you for, to have somebody who would always feel guilty and would always let themselves be abused!!!

Wtf?! You're 'tainted' but it's perfectly fine that he's slept with tons of women? Does he not understand that there is no reason whatsoever why women should not have as many sexual partners as men? And if he is stupid enough not to believe that, then why the hell did he marry you? What a hypocritical arse wipe.