To think I can't punish myself

[fuckmyfuckinglife]

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

It's not your fault he's damaged, so no need to feel guilty.

You were single. You were not with him. You've been completely open about your past. He is an a violent adulterer.
You made vows to forsake all others, HE is the only one whose broken those vows. I'm so glad you're LTB. You'll be so much happier without that abusive cheating arsehole in your and your dc's lives.
Good luck.

Bloody hell.
How you acted before (however bad you think it was) is none of his business, you weren't a couple, so it has fuck all to do with your relationship.
He's an abusive prick and will make you feel ashamed and shit for the rest of your life if you don't LTB.

Men and Women should be judged equally, and by any measure hes done far far worse to you while married than you ever did when you were single. And by the way - you were single! Which means you could act however you want as long as you werent shagging married men. If he didnt like it, he shouldnt have gotten in a relationship with you.

Its not your job to justify ANYTHING you did, its his job to prove why you shouldnt leave him because I cant see a single positive feature about him right now.

Don't feel guilty, he'll do the same damage to your children that his parents did to him if you let him exploit that guilt..

Just echoing what everyone is saying and what you really know.

He is using your past to behave horribly to you. He knew you back then but still thought it was ok to marry you, he can't decide that you aren't good enough to be treated like a human being.

I hope you can get away from him - you deserve so much more - the past is over and it has no bearing on who you are now other than in his eyes.

He is a dick.

He is HORRIBLE to you. You dont deserve it. Your past is none of his fucking business

WHO CARES IF HE'S DAMAGED!

He is an abusive bastard who is using your past (the past he knew about) to control you. This is calculated behaviour on his part - he likes punishing you.

Don't feel guilty. He doesn't feel guilty about being extremely abusive and controlling.
He knows you don't feel great about your past so he uses it as a stick to beat you with and to chip away at your confidence. He will never change. Can you see yourself living with him and his behaviour for the rest of your life? Life is too short to let someone make you feel shit about yourself. Get the hell out and be happy. Good luck xx

He cheated on you. And uses your past against you. You slept with a few men and did drugs and drank. So do a lot of people as they are growing up.
He's abusive and controlling. He sounds just awful.
Please stop feeling guilty for your past. You have no reason to be.

I can guarantee you he won't feel guilty about his behaviour.

OP he sounds really awful. Just one small point: you say you feel guilty because he was damaged by his toxic parents and yet your children are being brought up by a toxic father. You can do something about this. Don't stay for the sake of the children, it won't benefit them in the long run and may well harm them.

God, are you with my ex?

Can't tell you how much better life is when you've kicked an abusive wanker like him out of your life!

OP, his parents don't change what he thinks. There's some good stuff on this in Lundy Bancroft, 'Why does he do that?'.

Please get out - you deserve so much better.

Does it make any difference that he actually witnessed me a lot behaving like this? Not literally DTD obviously, leaving nightclubs etc

Don't feel guilty, he'll do the same damage to your children that his parents did to him if you let him exploit that guilt

As Flavia says.

And your children will be aware that he is treating you like crap even if they don't see or understand the fine detail. Kids take in atmosphere much more than words or even actions.

Do you have a daughter? Do you want her to be made to feel like a slut when she decides to enter in a sexual relationship in 10/15 years time, and feel guilty for loving someone and enjoying sex - or worse, getting into a relationship where she accepts abuse because she has learned that that is what women do - get abused and put up with it.

Do you have a son? Do you want him to treat his partners/wife the way your H treats you? I'm sure you don't.

Apology if this is being cruel to you, because you have so much to cope with and I know it isn't easy for anyone to step out of an abusive situation, but your children's futures depend on your actions, too.

You ALL deserve better than this horrible man using your past activities (which were YOUR business, not his) to justify his own present appalling behaviour.

I promise you - you will feel so much better when you walk away from this.

It's your husband's behaviour that's disgusting, not yours.

No. It makes no difference whatsoever.

You were not together at the time.

His behaviour is utterly disgraceful op

It makes no difference that he saw you flirting, going off with men, leaving nightclubs in a squiffy state - in fact, he married you having seen this with his own eyes, and can't claim that he didn't know you properly.

You have matured, grow-up and left your juvenile past behind; you've committed yourself to one person and that is to him. He, however, has never matured, thinks he is still a bachelor and can do what he likes,but knows in his heart that he is in the wrong. He is pushing his guilty feelings onto you.

You did not pull a gn on him and force him into bed with other women. He CHOSE to shag around (putting you at risk of STD's) and then blamed you so that he can feel like a good guy.

He is a shit.

If he had a real problem with it he could have chosen not to marry you. Instead he's using it as a stick to beat you with which unacceptable.

"Does it make any difference that he actually witnessed me a lot behaving like this?"

No, why would it? The only thing it affects is the fact he cant claim he didnt know any of this before he married you. If he had any issues with it, that was the time to decide one way or the other.

Nope none at all. He doesn't have an issue now he is just using it asastick to beat you with

I hope you dont have daughters if that's the way he talks about women.

What a scummy cockwomble.

Also, if you were such a slut, then why marry you. You were single, thus able to do what the fuck you pleased. You could have had a cocaine fuelled orgy were you took by 3 guys at the same time and yet still it wouldnt make you a slut.

No it doesn't make a difference. My dh knows about my colourful past, we had friends in common and it is never ever mentioned as it is none of his business.

He is using it to control you. If you had been a nun he would find a different way to make sure you knew your place.

What a fucking cunt he is.