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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bitch - texts at work?

265 replies

NachoAddict · 22/06/2017 10:48

Ok I think it might be me....

My BF has a habit of texting me whilst I am at work If it is important I reply but if its not I just leave it, we will see each other after work and I am not here to chat (I know I am being a hypocrite because I am now on MN).

If I don't reply to his text, that doesn't really require a reply, he will send me another about half an hour later saying - Are you OK babe?

Now if I do reply to his texts he would literally just have an on going conversation all day.

Today he already text me saying have a nice day, how much he loves me etc, I replied saying have a nice day, see you later, love you too.

Then he texts me random stuff, does anything need doing in the house before he goes to work? - I don't know, I am not there, use your eyes?! - I just said No Thanks.

Then more love you's...

Then he texts to say he has finished tidying up now so is going to work.

I didn't answer. Does he want a medal? well done, if I text every time I tidy up I would never be off the phone.

So because I don't answer I get another text asking if I am ok?

I just replied, no a giant alligator has broken into the office and is holding us hostage....

OK so sarcasm was unkind but we have had this conversation so many times. I am at WORK!! We see each other in the morning and in the evening. why do we need texts all day too...

I am a bitch aren't I? he is being nice and I am a horror?

OP posts:
Groupie123 · 22/06/2017 10:50

Why can't you just tell him not to text you at work?

BangkokBlues · 22/06/2017 10:51

"fine thanks love, but you know I can't always reply to texts at work. No need to worry if I drop out of comms for a bit. See you later, have a good day xxx"

IrregularCommentary · 22/06/2017 10:51

If you've already explained to him (not that you should need to) that you're at work and can't be on you're phone then yanbu.

He sounds about 16.

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2017 10:51

Blimey that sort of neediness would drive me insane.

Why do you need your phone on at work, and how would he cope if you were one of the 1000s of people who aren't allowed to use their phones privately, during working hours?

IrregularCommentary · 22/06/2017 10:51

Your*

RB68 · 22/06/2017 10:52

You just need to have a convo that says you can't always reply and certainly can't have an ongoing convo all day as it will be commented on or go against you.

Alternatively just start texting him housework jobs you are doing when he is not present and other relentless drivel and he will get the point

ThymeLord · 22/06/2017 10:52

So just tell him to stop texting you because you are at work? He doesn't sound nice to me, he sounds horribly needy.

YoureNotASausage · 22/06/2017 10:52

God, so neeeedy. I'd hate that.

You need to explain to him that when you're in work you can't keep an ongoing text conversation going.

TheStoic · 22/06/2017 10:54

What does he say when you ask him not to text you at work?

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/06/2017 10:54

I don't think you're being a bitch. The constant texting would drive me nuts! But I'm very busy at work and only keep an eye on my personal mobile to check there are no emergencies. Anything other than an emergency is unlikely to get a reply from me during business hours. Brutal maybe but that's how it is in my job. Anything else would be considered very unprofessional. So maybe I'm the bitch?! Smile

I also hate people who expect an immediate response (unless it's urgent - and I don't include them being needy or bored as urgent).

HildaOg · 22/06/2017 10:55

That would drive most people up the wall. He's too needy.

Redsippycup · 22/06/2017 10:55

If he isn't listening because he thinks it's your choice not to answer then can you just tell him you aren't allowed personal phone use except in your breaks unless it's an emergency. It's probably true!

OnionKnight · 22/06/2017 10:57

He sounds very needy, if my wife is at home or on her lunch break and she texts me when I'm in the office she understands that I can't always respond.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 22/06/2017 10:57

I have told him a million times that I can't sit there texting while I am working. He says ok but then carries on.

I have my phone on me because DS has T1 diabetes and I need to know that he or the school can get hold of me. we can use our personal phone within reason but obviously its not on to sit texting all day long. I would never get anything done.

Now he wants to know if I want any mushrooms? No mention of mushrooms from me so totally random request.

OP posts:
Groupie123 · 22/06/2017 10:58

Ok so stop replying to him. He'll get the hint eventually.

WateryTart · 22/06/2017 10:58

Is he needy in other ways?

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/06/2017 11:00

Does he work? Does he have anything else to do? Does he have nothing better to do than bug you?

Misspilly88 · 22/06/2017 11:00

My husband was like that when we first got together. My guess was that his last partner was quite needy and that's what he was used to. I just used to ignore him! He soon got the message. If I'm working I'm working, he can call reception for emergencies.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/06/2017 11:02

Get a job in a prison. They make you leave your mobile in the car for the duration of your shift.

But seriously, is he too thick to realise that you are at work? So working not pissing about texting him?

He'd hate me. My job involves driving, being in meetings etc and I can sometimes be incommunicado for hours.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 22/06/2017 11:02

He does work, not in until 11 this morning, but even being at work doesn't stop him. If he is in work and I am at home he rings, usually whilst I am cooking dinner, then rings and rings and rings until I answer. If I say I am busy he says well its not hard to answer for 2 mins and say that is it.

I said - No Thanks to the mushrooms, he replies he has got them anyway!

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 22/06/2017 11:03

Why does he have all this time on his hands?! Doesn't he work? Tell him that from now on, you will no longer respond to his texts unless he asks something urgent or time-critical - therefore all texts about mushrooms (!), tidying, groceries or anything else will be ALWAYS ignored!

MiddleClassProblem · 22/06/2017 11:04

This would be too much for me. Especially if we were at the stage off living together rather that the first month of a relationship.

SocksRock · 22/06/2017 11:04

My phone allows me to put it on do not disturb - which means I get no texts or calls - but allow specific numbers through? So you could make a list of people like school etc who MUST be able to get hold of you, and then put on DND. And turn mobile data off so he can't WhatsApp or Messenger either.

If he bitches, just say that you've all had a reminder that it's company policy not to use personal mobiles during the day, even if you have it on you for emergency use

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2017 11:05

But surely the school would contact the company you work for?

Anyway, stop replying to him.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 22/06/2017 11:05

My partner is the same, but with sodding phone calls. It's a standing joke in the office the calls I get every day. I ask him to pack it in, he slows down for a few days then we're back to it. He left his phone at home the other week, so I thought I was in for a day of peace. Nope, rang me 4 times from his mates phone. Gah.

Mine just likes to talk to people. Anyone. He rings random friends and family all the time. Which is lovely, but so inconvenient.

However he knows not to keep calling or texting if I don't answer, as I'm likely busy and he waits patiently then. I just wish he wouldn't call 4-5 times a day!