Am I being a bitch - texts at work?

[NachoAddict]

Ok I think it might be me....

My BF has a habit of texting me whilst I am at work If it is important I reply but if its not I just leave it, we will see each other after work and I am not here to chat (I know I am being a hypocrite because I am now on MN).

If I don't reply to his text, that doesn't really require a reply, he will send me another about half an hour later saying - Are you OK babe?

Now if I do reply to his texts he would literally just have an on going conversation all day.

Today he already text me saying have a nice day, how much he loves me etc, I replied saying have a nice day, see you later, love you too.

Then he texts me random stuff, does anything need doing in the house before he goes to work? - I don't know, I am not there, use your eyes?! - I just said No Thanks.

Then more love you's...

Then he texts to say he has finished tidying up now so is going to work.

I didn't answer. Does he want a medal? well done, if I text every time I tidy up I would never be off the phone.

So because I don't answer I get another text asking if I am ok?

I just replied, no a giant alligator has broken into the office and is holding us hostage....

OK so sarcasm was unkind but we have had this conversation so many times. I am at WORK!! We see each other in the morning and in the evening. why do we need texts all day too...

I am a bitch aren't I? he is being nice and I am a horror?

Couldn't be doing with that. When I'm working and DH is working I will text if I have something to tell him or let him know about - not just to say hello. Very teenage behaviour and you're not being a bitch at all.

Not liking mushrooms is a dumpable offence tbh

Actually pictish recent research has suggested that full brain development isn't achieved until approx 25 years of age, so him being 22 is indeed relevant.

Agree that this has run its course. Time to move on.

I think dumping Mr needy is a good idea. I couldn't live with someone like this.

After being told once "I can't text all the time at work so please only contact me if it's important, not because you want a chat. I won't be replying to non-urgent messages." then still bothering you is controlling.

The stelth move in is fucking irritating too - bet he's not paying any of the bills, but lives there.

Everything FizzyGreenWater said in her post of Thu 22-Jun-17 12:04:42.

"it feels mean and nasty dumping someone because they love you and miss you and want to chat... "
That is one interpretation of why he does what he does. Another interpretation is that he continues to text you despite you asking him not to, to make it absolutely clear to you that what he wants is more important than what you want, and your requests to stop mean nothing to him. ("I have told him a million times that I can't sit there texting while I am working. He says ok but then carries on.") You thinking the best interpretation does you credit, but frankly - I think you're wrong that that's why he does it.

"I have actually been thinking that it has run its course and I need to dump him for a bit, we are just too different, I don't want to be with someone clingy. I keep putting it off because I hate confrontation if I know the other person is going to be hurt."
Right, there's your problem right there. His feeling hurt is NOT the be all and end all. You are allowing yourself and your choices to be dictated by someone else's demands that they be your priority. No. YOU are the centre of your world. Closely followed by DS. A boyfriend you'd prefer to dump is a long way down the pecking order.

Your boyfriend is an annoying twat, and it is in his best interests to be told so, then dumped. If he doesn't know his clingyness drives women away then he needs to be told for the sake of his future relationships. Do him the courtesy of being honest about why you are dumping him.

And get to grips with putting other people before yourself.

Just had another text asking how I am getting home from work. He knows how I am getting home as we had a conversation about it this morning. He won't even be there, he is in work himself until 8pm so why does he need or want to know.

You lot all seem to be in agreement here which is unusual on AIBU!

Why do you interpret this as 'caring'?

Caring for someone is allowing them to be the best they can be, at work and in the rest of their lives.

He isn't caring, if he cared, he'd only bother you when very important at work, and love to hear about your day when you got back. He'd support you to do well at work and have a great social life.

Is he like that? Does he support you at work and encourage you to develop a good social life/see family/be the best person you can be?
(I already know the answer)

Are you going to answer?

The wife of a friend at works rings three times a day at least. We take the piss. If a woman answers she gets all shirty, asks for him and then adds IT'S HIS WIFE.

For fucks sake - we know it is, we don't fancy him, we don't want to shag him, now fuck off because we are busy!

Sorry, rant over....

Your ex can shut his stupid face. You are so far from a bitch that you facilitate him seeing his both his children at your house, even though one of them isn't yours!! I accept that you probably do that more for the children than for the ex but you don't have to do it and it makes you the opposite of a bitch. What a pair of bellends.
He behaves like my dd16 & her bf do. He is not sufficiently mature to have a relationship with an adult. I don't believe he really understands the concept of respect. What is you had an auto-response and send 'I am working' in response to every single text he sends while you are in the office?

He would do my head in OP.

You're not BU. Imagine if you married him!

I have this too, it drives me insane. He also texts me at 3pm when I'm not working asking what I'm Upto every single day. We have a kid in primary school so I'm really not sure what else he thinks I'm doing other then the school run!

Excuse typos. Am off to find my glasses.

Elspeth Definitely not, I have ignored 10 text messages and 1 whatsapp today. Only replying to point out that I am fine and he doesn't need to text me and ask me if I don't answer because I am busy at work, and to say no I don't want any mushrooms.

Four Most definitely NOT, Social life is a definite cause for sulking.

Whereyouleftit you have hit the nail right on the head with your last line!

Cross posted there.

Thanks Monkey, I think that makes me the opposite of a bitch too. I actually see his daughter a lot more than he does, I only live round the corner and she and my daughter are the same age and really close. She comes round/stays over a lot. She gets to keep a good bond with her brother that way too.

Steeley glad its not just me! where do they find the energy.

So he's not nice at all then, is he?

He's attention seeking, controlling and paddies if you try to have even an hour of your life without him. I knew he wouldn't want you to go out with your girlfriends or see family from what you said.

I think you need to read up on suffocating 'nice' controllers, I think the Lundy Bancroft book has some types in there, and I think you'll find he's abusive, but in a very 'nice' way that makes you feel bad for questioning it. But slowly but surely, he's making sure you don't have a moment where he isn't the centre of your world.

Horrible.

I get he's 22 and probably hot, but honestly, just get out. Don't let your children see this type of behaviour or mum controlled by it, it's really not normal.

I briefly dated someone similar. Be warned that they can be very persistent when you try to end the relationship. You will need to block him on all social media and be prepared for begging, grand gestures, tears, promises to change and declarations of true love. Don't let any of this fool you into staying in this relationship.

I disagree with the pp advice of telling him about his faults because this type of man won't listen. I think you should tell him that you are unhappy and you want to be single as that is right thing for you and your DC.

Once you are free of this bf, I suggest that you read the Lundy Bancroft book as it will help you see how controlling this man's behaviour is.

Tell him youre getting a lift from the new guy in the office, watch your phone EXPLODE.

Baahahaha stormtreader you're wicked but I like it

Aaargh, an ex was exactly like this. I had just started a new job I really cared about and I really wanted to be concentrated and do well. He kept emailing Iloveyous and lolcats all day long, to which I felt obliged to reply. I wish that had been a wake up call.

You are not being bitchy at all. He is being disrespectful of your wishes, time and personal boundaries.

Storm he would literally leaves his work and come find me.

Sparklingeyes that is another of the reasons I haven't dumped him yet, I just can't be bothered with all of that drama and bullshit. We get along ok, yes he is annoying but if I end it he will be a nightmare! I don't want to deal with it.

Nacho, the longer you leave it the worse it will be. Don't stay in a bad relationship because you are scared to deal with the fallout. You deserve to be with someone nice who treats you with respect. Someone who 'ok' isn't nearly good enough for you.

"Storm he would literally leave his work and come find me. "

And thats bad, really really bad. He doesnt trust you enough to have a normal response of "ok thats handy then". You are allowed to get a lift from a man without being hunted down.

Please please find the courage to leave. If not he will grind you down to the point where he'll never let you leave the house and completely isolate you from friends and family. I agree about reading the Lundy Bancroft book. You sound a pretty switched on mature lady so don't let some immature twit dictate your life and make you unhappy.