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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a bitch - texts at work?

265 replies

NachoAddict · 22/06/2017 10:48

Ok I think it might be me....

My BF has a habit of texting me whilst I am at work If it is important I reply but if its not I just leave it, we will see each other after work and I am not here to chat (I know I am being a hypocrite because I am now on MN).

If I don't reply to his text, that doesn't really require a reply, he will send me another about half an hour later saying - Are you OK babe?

Now if I do reply to his texts he would literally just have an on going conversation all day.

Today he already text me saying have a nice day, how much he loves me etc, I replied saying have a nice day, see you later, love you too.

Then he texts me random stuff, does anything need doing in the house before he goes to work? - I don't know, I am not there, use your eyes?! - I just said No Thanks.

Then more love you's...

Then he texts to say he has finished tidying up now so is going to work.

I didn't answer. Does he want a medal? well done, if I text every time I tidy up I would never be off the phone.

So because I don't answer I get another text asking if I am ok?

I just replied, no a giant alligator has broken into the office and is holding us hostage....

OK so sarcasm was unkind but we have had this conversation so many times. I am at WORK!! We see each other in the morning and in the evening. why do we need texts all day too...

I am a bitch aren't I? he is being nice and I am a horror?

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 22/06/2017 12:28

I want to see how far this goes until he gets the hint.

ShotsFired · 22/06/2017 12:29

@NachoAddict Shots Did you feel mean that he wants to talk to you but you don't?

No I didn't feel mean. If he has something specific to ask during my working day, then I'll respond to his call or text IF it is convenient (and vice versa). But if he just calls me to randomly ask if I want mushrooms/ chit chat at an inconvenient time, I'd not feel any compunction in saying so, or just not answering the call or text.

You should also not feel mean or anything remotely like that. Really, no.

MiaowMix · 22/06/2017 12:30

Uggh, how tedious. Needy AND controlling. I would so get rid...

TheNaze73 · 22/06/2017 12:30

Needy people like that, do my head in

Buffal0buttcheeks · 22/06/2017 12:31

OP you are wrong, you won't be hurting him, he wants you to think he's a frail little wallflower, but he's not, that his wrapping and he wants to control you. His pride will be hurt and he'll have to spend time reeling some other poor woman in to prey on, that's all. Sadly it really comes over that it's him he cares about, not you and he'll be furious when he realises you can see through him and don't like what he is. Save your DCs and get rid pronto. Get ready for more sulks, flowers, I love you, can't live without you, he can it's just easier to get you running around after him

clairethewitch70 · 22/06/2017 12:37

I think age has a lot to do with, he is 22 you said? My DS1 who is 21 constantly text love hearts and other meaningless emojis to his GF, it is a security thing. At that age I think insecurity is an issue.

Incidentally I ring or DH rings me 3 times an hour at least, or texts. But we work together and it is work enquiries (we own our own business), he runs the office and I do the accounts at home. If I haven't heard from him in 30 minutes it is unusual.

DixieFlatline · 22/06/2017 12:43

Christ, he's 22. That's likely to bring its own amount of issues even without specific needy and controlling behaviour. Bin him off, for god's sake. And stop letting your ex in your house if he's going to be a cock to and about you. Is this in front of your children?

sonjadog · 22/06/2017 12:45

Glad to are coming round to the idea of ending this, OP. This is not a good relationship and his need for contact is beyond normal. Everyone can make a mistake, but I really don't like that he hasn't listened to you when you have asked him to stop.

ChampagneTastes · 22/06/2017 12:46

God he sounds exhausting. I think I'd just change the locks, block his number and avoid him for the rest of my life.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 22/06/2017 12:52

Dixie The ex was just messing around, we actually get on really well now that we aren't together. He wouldn't say it in front of the kids.

I finish work at 1.55... I guarantee I have a phone call before 2.15.

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 22/06/2017 12:54

Christ OP, just get rid. Stop convincing yourself you're a big ol' meanie and see him for what he is. Pulling his weight around the house is not a reason to stay with him. Nor is buying you flowers. You can buy your own. In fact, here -> Flowers

Was your last relationship abusive? I ask because it seems you have the bar set quite low here.

NellieFiveBellies · 22/06/2017 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieFlatline · 22/06/2017 13:07

Him and my ex always have a good old laugh about what a bitch I am with split personalities......

It's two cunts bonding over indulging in a bit of joint misogyny, is what it is. Men do it a lot. Good ones either don't, or stop it immediately once it is pointed out.

ComedyofTerrors · 22/06/2017 13:11

Could you tell him a small fib? Work has said that work and personal phones are for emergency use only during working hours.

AguacateMaduro · 22/06/2017 13:15

It's all been said but this made me gulp

he and your x chat about what a bitch you are with split personalities.

WHAT?

FIRST, the fact that you're doubting your right to compartmentalise your work life and protect your job/reputation at works shows that you are anything but a 'bitch'.

Would your x's definition of a bitch be a woman who complained when he behaved very inconsiderately? And why oh why is your current boyfriend sitting around talking about your alleged flaws with your x??

AguacateMaduro · 22/06/2017 13:16

I didn't see dixieflatline's post when I posted so OP I am not jumping on any bandwagon there. Independently, it also struck me as horrible.

RiseToday · 22/06/2017 13:17

He's an immature 22 year old. He's too young for you.

Dump him!

Rachel0Greep · 22/06/2017 13:21

Stand back and have a look at all this. You sound great, and tough, but there are two men here who are wiping their bloody shoes on you. Two men you're allowing into your life who both sound - as you say - like nobheads

This! Plus everything that Fizzy posted upthread.
This is much more than about texts. For your own sake, and for your children, get rid ASAP. Ugh!

Anatidae · 22/06/2017 13:22

Dh and I have a WhatsApp chat that's sort of open ended md we do occasionally ping each other during the day. He might send me a picture of the toddler being cute at drop off, or I might tell him I need to work late, or 'can you do nursery next weds I've got a meeting I need to do.'
Or sometimes he just tells me he loves me.

The important thing though is that unless asking something specific neither of us need an answer, or gets sulky if we don't reply. he's busy. I'm busy. Messages are just kind of left there for us to pick up like ships in the night. There's no emotional blackmail or sulking.

This guy sounds quite controlling. I'd be cooling it off

Anatidae · 22/06/2017 13:23

he and your x chat about what a bitch you are with split personalities.

Just saw that. Bin him off, pronto. And draw some boundaries with your ex. That is absolutely disgraceful behaviour. Do not stand for it!

BewareOfDragons · 22/06/2017 13:27

"Work isn't going well. Some nobhead keeps texting me and interrupting my actual work."

I'd dump him. He's to young, clingy and immature.

cingolimama · 22/06/2017 13:27

OP, as pp said, you sound terrific and can do a lot better. You have been incredibly tolerant of intensely irritating, controlling behaviour. Please, as you say, grow a pair! Good luck.

rightwhine · 22/06/2017 13:28

See i wouldn't have a problem with this. I'd just say "don't call me at work" If that didn't do the trick then the lack of respect for my wishes would mean that the relationship would have been doomed from the very beginning.

Dump him op and next time stand by the motto of only being treated as you would treat others. Demand respect.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 22/06/2017 13:29

Jesus, I take it back - nothing like my partner.

Agree with the general consensus - get rid. Needy, colluding with your ex to take the piss out of you, obsessive about contact..... Nah. Enjoy the peace when you get it back!

pictish · 22/06/2017 13:29

I'm not sure him being 22 is particularly relevant, although of course it could be. You don't have to be 22 to be smothering though.