She doesn't talk to me AT ALL

[LessConversation]

Me (to colleague) 'Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

And that is it for the rest of the morning. No small talk. AT ALL. We sit in silence.

Just us two in an office - it is driving me insane.

AIBU?

Tricky. Some people just don't do small talk. How long have you worked together? i sometimes don't want to make small talk so would answer like that other times I might not be so busy so could chat

I feel for you. I've had this with 2 colleagues before. The first, I lasted 2.5 years before I cracked and handed my notice in. Work was miserable, it was only us 2 in the office most of the time and the days dragged so much!

You're never going to get on famously with everyone but to never, ever make any convo whatsoever is just...dull.

I know a girl like this at work. Luckily she's in a different office and don't work with her too often.

My other colleagues are not keen on her either, as she'll leave and not say good bye to anyone. Just so rude.

You spend most of your waking days at work, at least be pleasant.

No, YNBU to find it horrible. I'm a chatty person (can whistle and work) and i'd hate it too.

However - if you're looking to change the situation then we need a lot more context :)

Could she just be having a bad day? How long have you worked together?

Maybe she doesn't like chit-chat or just works better in silence?

You don't do it the minute she comes in do you?

I have a chirpy cheerful colleague who is like this the minute I walk in, before I've even taken off my coat and chugged a coffee. She probably thinks I'm a mardy bitch.

Give me an hour to wake up and 2 coffees and then I'll make happy chit chat, but I just can't do it first thing. I just growl.

I am her manager. Her work is really good, she is autonomous, gets on with things, no sick days. So I assume she is fine with it.

But it is driving me mental. I really bounce off people, learn from chatting etc.

I keep going off for walks simply to interact with other departments (this is fine in our job but I wouldn't need to if it wasn't completely silent where I am!).

If you want to see if you can get her to talk more, you could try asking questions that don't have a 'yes/no' answer eg how are you today? What did you do yesterday evening? What do you think of (XYZ in the news)? I doubt she'll launch into sparkling conversation, but the answer will hopefully be more than a single syllable..

LOL - you would hate me at work then. I will say "morning" but don't feel the need to say goodbye to everybody - and especially not at lunchtime.

I'm really really busy AND I have to keep a timesheet which lists every single minute of every day. There's nothing I can time record for "chit chat" so I avoid doing it.

Whilst it is nice to be pleasant to your work colleagues we are there to work aren't we - I find it particularly stressfull to be full on mad busy and have to listed to a couple of airheads chatting all day long about what they did at the weekend - if they do it around me for too long I often get up say "have you got any capacity?" and give them some work!

Tbf most managers would be happy that they have someone who doesn't chat in work time - she sounds like she's a good staff member, just not interested in small talk.

I spent years working in close proximity to some complete knobs and I didn't really talk to them either.

She may be shy, she may prefer to get on with her work - I understand you find it helpful to chat to people but some people find it a distraction/irritant

Not everyone is like you. If her work ethic & standards are good, I'd leave it.

And many people do their best work if they are left alone - nothing more irritating than having someone trying to make conversation when you aren't really interested and just want to get on

walk tried that.

Me 'What did you do last night?'
Her 'nothing special'

Why would she be any more chatty if you ask her stuff outright? She's obviously a quiet person - i haven't ever heard a manager complain that their staff member is too quiet

Can you imagine the reverse?
"I work in an office, and the only other person in it is my Line Manager. I don't want her to think that I'm inefficient so I keep chit-chat to a minimum and while I'm polite, I don't want to reveal too much of my private life to her, it's a bit of an awkward situation, because I don't think it's appropriate to be BFFs with my boss. I'm keeping future appraisals in mind and really don't want to giver her any ammunition."

Can you put the radio on?

It sounds like different work personalities which is very difficult if just the two of you there. I absolutely hate sitting in silence - luckily most of my colleagues chat as well. And yes we still work hard. We are not int the office all the time anyway. We do have a radio - would that be an option or does she need complete silence to work?

Xpost Quite

Xpost Quite

Give me an hour to wake up and 2 coffees and then I'll make happy chit chat, but I just can't do it first thing. I just growl

Uh, you need to be on point before you get to work. You can't come into work and 'growl' at colleagues because you haven't sorted yourself out on time.

laiste whistle and work?
I'd be handing my notice in if I had to work with a whistler!

I don't think she is being unreasonable tbh. You say yourself that her work is good.
Maybe she's shy, maybe she it's because your her superior, maybe she just works better without the distraction....

Whistling wouldn't bother me at all!

I feel for you OP, I'd struggle with someone i couldn't chat to. Can you put the radio on quietly for a bit of noise? I work in a large office where we have a radio on & do Ken Bruce's top 10 at 10 thing for an hour every day. Generates plenty of chat, even if its mainly about what a massive twat old Kenny is A friend of mine works in a big office where everyone listens to the radio with headphones in so that they're not disrupting others making phonecalls, could you do that?