She doesn't talk to me AT ALL

[LessConversation]

Me (to colleague) 'Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

And that is it for the rest of the morning. No small talk. AT ALL. We sit in silence.

Just us two in an office - it is driving me insane.

AIBU?

I really bounce off people
Well, you would be my absolute nightmare. I would love to work with just one silent person in an office (and actually hugely enjoyed the months when I worked on my own in an office).

they have to learn to rub along with each other. That's not possible if, as op says, she won't speak at all
Why would it be impossible to rub along with someone who does not speak? You discuss what is necessary re. work - otherwise you're there to work, not to alleviate the OP's need to create noise with her mouth (phrasing it this way because she also mentioned whistling).

It just might be how she works best, needs to focus to concentrate. What was that song from Land Before Time? "it takes alllll soooorts to make a worrrrrld", smart dinosaurs they were. I understand your frustration though. My husband narrates what he's doing, I asked him if he did that at work, he stopped to think about it for a while and said "yes, yes I do" - I said it would do my head in.

I didn't mention whistling, that was another poster. (I can't whistle...)

Basically this thread is

OP: colleague won't talk to me the way I want and as much as I want.
Nearly everyone : MAKE HER,!!

I didn't mention whistling, that was another poster.
Apologies, my mistake.

Nearly everyone : MAKE HER!!
This ^

I haven't counted but most of us said "leave her alone" I thought.

Op what did you decide?

I agree, my interpretation of the thread is that most people said to leave her alone and that it was rude to even try to speak to her. OP, it seems you are fundamentally incompatible. Presumably moving offices is out of the question?

I agree. Those who said it was rude of her to ignore you were a teeny minority

YABU I'm pretty quiet at work compared to my personal life. It's because I don't do small talk, i like to just get on with what i'm doing. Surerly there's nothing wrong with that. We're all different!

I agree a lot of people seemed to think it was fine and she's there to work not chat. Well fair enough but it sounds pretty unpleasant to me. I don't think you have to be a big extrovert to hope your co-worker will be friendly and have a little chat now and again throughout the day for a couple of minutes between jobs. Surely even in busy offices this is normal.

Am reading all your responses.

• Can't move office.
• Completely agree with everyone saying we are incompatible!

that is really shit (for both of you before I am jumped on). Honestly I would start looking for another job. Even if it doesn't happen quickly / at all at least you at trying to change things. I would be absolutely miserable in that type of environment.

Can't remember if you said if you are allowed headphones?

Could you ask her if evertthing is ok? Maybe, giving her the benefit of the doubt, there's something personal going on?

Do you have a manager you can talk to?

Perhaps she's on the autistic spectrum or has some sort of social anxiety.

Perhaps she hates you

Maybe she's not looking to make friends in the office and wants to keep things strictly professional.

I would hate it.

gandalf I have asked if she is ok (one sentence, she said yes, no more was said).

Yes, spoken to my manager (actually they spoke to me about it first as they noticed she was very quiet).

Will see how things go. Didn't ask how she was Fri (further to some of the comments here), just said good morning.

Then I would try not to personalise it if others have noticed. The problem is with her, not you , and it may be something completely outside of work and so not your fault

What happens if you talk about non-personal things, e.g. stuff in the news or things that happen in the office?

Yes, that's a good point Ceto - maybe she's gay and not out and doesn't want to mention that she spent her weekend with her girlfriend (if it's that, my advice would be mentioning a gay friend or something LGBT related so she knows it's a safe space).

Or perhaps she's in an abusive relationship and doesn't want to discuss it with colleagues as work is the only time she feels she's free of it.

Or maybe she has a disabled relative she cares for but again, wants to be just her at work, without all the sympathy and everything else that goes with it.

Perhaps she's going through a messy divorce and feels that mentioning it might make her cry or have to talk about it when that's the last thing she wants to do.

Perhaps she's really depressed and spends all weekend wondering how she's going to get through it, thankful that when Monday morning comes, she has a distraction from all the things she feels are wrong with her life.

I wouldn't press her, to be honest - if she doesn't want to talk about her personal life, or be a chatty person generally, surely that's allowed?

You have to get over the obsession she wants to do her job. Some people hate small talk/pleasantries they don't see the point. As long as she does her work then whats the problem. She could be a Bitch outside the workplace but inside she is professional. Are you worried about your job and how she is making you look.

A medical student from Oxford wants to be heart surgeon and already at her age has published her work in the medical journals. She has received top marks in all her exams. Outside of the classroom she is a fucking lunatic.