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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She doesn't talk to me AT ALL

323 replies

LessConversation · 19/05/2017 07:34

Me (to colleague) 'Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

And that is it for the rest of the morning. No small talk. AT ALL. We sit in silence.

Just us two in an office - it is driving me insane.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/05/2017 09:43

You can ask her to communicate more about work but small talk isn't something you can enforce!

Biggreygoose · 19/05/2017 09:43

Op as well as myers briggs look at belbin and team role theory. It will help to recognise both your strengths and play to them.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2017 09:46

I would be like your colleague and if asked "What did you get up to last night?" my first thought would be "Mind your own bloody business!" and would probably say the same as she did.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2017 09:47

That said, I would always say hello, good bye and a perfunctory "How are you?" as settling in. Being introverted and focused isnt an excuse for being rude.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 19/05/2017 09:50

Sound like my Dsis. Its like pulling teeth, I hear myself prattling on like a prize twat. I've even answered my own questions Confused

barrygetamoveonplease · 19/05/2017 09:51

OP, please, leave her alone. This constant carping, trying to insist she 'chats' with you, is workplace bullying.

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/05/2017 09:53

SHOULD OF
Sorry
It was early

Goldfishjane · 19/05/2017 09:57

I am polite but you don't always want to tell people what you did at the weekend eg saw parents, wanted to take mum home with me, still waiting for dad to drop dead...I

Or in more glam days, it got out that I was dating a rich guy and someone I knew only from work came to ask me about getting him to do charity donations!!!

Over the years, I've learned to stick to talking about tv and books but I'd rather just not chat at all. I do but I can't wait to get out of offices.

Also, my team is set out over two areas so people go from one to the other to say hi and bye....argh, can't we just say hi when we see each other? As for home time, I'm running out the door, I don't want to go back to the other section and do the "going now....what are you doing tonight?" I don't care if you're going to dress up in chain mail and take heroin, I just want to go home.

GeorgiePeachie · 19/05/2017 09:57

I know that sometimes I reply like this and it is usually because I spent the evening DTD with my boyfriend who is not a boyfriend and is actually an ex of mine and they were there when I broke up with my previous ex and I don't need to go into the details of my love life and can't think of anything else to say. Nope no didnt do anything.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/05/2017 10:11

Goldfish are you me Grin

If I were the colleague I would be tempted to make up a glamorous and dramatic lifestyle just to wind the OP up Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2017 10:14

OP, please, leave her alone. This constant carping, trying to insist she 'chats' with you, is workplace bullying.

Oh come on!! I am as antisocial as they come at work, but even I am struggling to stretch someone trying to make conversation into bullying!

Kokusai · 19/05/2017 10:17

I would be like your colleague and if asked "What did you get up to last night?" my first thought would be "Mind your own bloody business!" and would probably say the same as she did.

Mind your own business? How horrible to live your life feeling so attacked all the time :-(

DownandOutinBeverlyHills · 19/05/2017 10:19

Previous poster who said she sounds like hard work It's not a bloody tea party. It's WORK!

OP "Good morning"
QC (quiet colleague)"Good morning"
OP "What did you get up to at the weekend?"
QC "Errr, not a lot"

This is infinitely better than what would be going through my mind after the initial good morning..."Oh, fuck off" "None of your business you nosy cow" "Please stop trying to be my friend, I don't like you"

NavyandWhite · 19/05/2017 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newnoo · 19/05/2017 10:24

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

DownandOutinBeverlyHills · 19/05/2017 10:25

But Kokusai maybe she really doesn't like her colleague. In which case "Yes" "No" is a lot less rude than an exasperated "Oh do shut the fuck up!" which may be in her head, but she keeps it in her head.

Well done for making someone feel shit about their feelings.

You can't control how you feel, but you can control what comes out of your mouth.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/05/2017 10:26

I agree, it sounds horrific, I would be climbing the walls. OP maybe just ask her (in a friendly way) if she prefers absolute silence. Then at least you can stop trying to speak to her and look into earphones (if allowed) and start looking for another job

Squishedstrawberry4 · 19/05/2017 10:29

Ask her open ended questions instead of closed ones. So instead of stuff that gets a yes/no response, ask 'what did you get up to last night?'

goingonabearhunt1 · 19/05/2017 10:35

Honestly if she says hello in the morning and does her work, I think that's fine. As long as someone isn't rude, then I don't see chatting at work as obligatory tbh.

I say hi and bye to colleagues and will chat a bit sometimes but most of the time I just like to work quietly and I certainly don't want to hang around at the end of the day or anything!

And I agree with pp who have mentioned keeping work and home separate, I find this much better; no risk of getting yourself into trouble/office drama that way. Obviously some people are more naturally chatty than others but if someone isn't, I think that's fine as well unless their job involves it in some way.

DownandOutinBeverlyHills · 19/05/2017 10:35

So instead of stuff that gets a yes/no response, ask 'what did you get up to last night?'

Ooh yes! Let's be REALLY annoying!

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2017 10:38

How horrible to live your life feeling so attacked all the time :-(

How on earth to did you arrive at that conclusion?

I dont feel attacked at all, I simply do not want to share my personal life at work. I have no interest in what you did last night, whether you watched Eastenders or did your knitting, and I dont want you to know what I did. Its my business.

Goldfishjane · 19/05/2017 10:39

Squished, you didn't RTFT did you...people are shagging their exes, they don't want to talk about it!

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 19/05/2017 10:39

You were right the first time MrsDV Grin

OP please leave your colleague alone. Don't you see she prefers to keep her private life to herself and doesn't want to chat? That's not being unfriendly, she probably prefers to focus on work which is what she's being paid to do after all.

scottishdiem · 19/05/2017 10:40

I would love her as office mate. I hate inane chit chat. I hate any questions when I dont want them. I am not in the office to give a running commentary of my life outside the office. I care not for you breeders who want to do nothing but complain about the children you opted to have.

Can talk about work things with people not a problem though.

Can you not ask her about ideas about what she is doing, how she is approaching her work, what she thinks of different processes/clients. Perhaps what was done differently in previous employment.

If she isnt communicating enough about work that is your role to tease it out of her. If she just points to a list about work, ask her what that means. What did she find hard, what was easy. What did she need from other colleagues. etc.

It is possible to spend a full day talking about professional topics as opposed to irrelevant trips to Ikea or who was on which stupid reality TV show.

/rant over

Starduke · 19/05/2017 10:42

In one office I worked in I used to hate the Friday evening "what are you doing this weekend?" followed by the Monday morning "what did you do last weekend?" Errr... what I told you Friday I would be doing Confused

I do understand that it's difficult for OP and the woman may seem cold, but lots of PP have explained why and just to leave her alone.