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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a town can be unfriendly?

225 replies

Midnightpinot · 18/04/2017 16:01

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2017 16:06

Totally. I live someone 'lovely' and very sought after. It's pretty and all that. But very closed. Very unfriendly. And it's funny that all us 'outsiders' know but none of the locals seem to because they all have friends they've known since school and they all share the exact same values.

I preferred Croydon!

FanaticalFox · 18/04/2017 16:07

Posh gits basically think they're amazing but they're just snobs!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 18/04/2017 16:08

Have you moved to Stroud?

NotAnotherUserName5 · 18/04/2017 16:08

You must be in my town! Lived here 3 years and it's the same.

ToastDemon · 18/04/2017 16:10

Please name if you can! We are moving to a small town next year so I want to make sure it's not that one! Even a county would do Smile

TheSkyAtNight · 18/04/2017 16:10

Definitely YANBU. My parents moved a few years ago & almost overnight had more friends than they'd made in 25 years in the previous town.

Sirzy · 18/04/2017 16:11

I think some towns are certainly more friendly than others.

Lelloteddy · 18/04/2017 16:13

Doesn't sound ridiculous at all. Moved from London to somewhere in the Midlands ( near Exs shitty home city) and it was exactly as you described.

MadisonAvenue · 18/04/2017 16:15

I worked in a small town which wasn't exactly a desirable place to live (there was a coal mine and a power station as well as various factories) but it was a very close knit community and the locals didn't welcome people who didn't live there. I lived just five miles away and was very much an outsider.

Not a nice feel to the place at all, and the people would be downright rude. It's over 20 years since I worked there and I've never been back since.

HappyStarFace · 18/04/2017 16:17

YADNBU!
I think you have moved to where I am currently working!!
I moved jobs from a big city which is known for poverty but it has the friendliest people in the world. Moved only a few miles and the people are self-obsessed, vain and mean!! I'm moving back after less than a year because I can't bear it!!
Some places do just have that culture unfortunately Sad

chastenedButStillSmiling · 18/04/2017 16:17

Aw. That sounds horrid. I'm sure you'll find your niche. Join some different groups? Church,exercise, a hobby? Things where you'll meet a differing mix of peoples.

At least it's a town, not a village, so there should be some options for you?

And try not to worry too much about your DD, I'm sure she'll make friends in time.

pineapplepenny · 18/04/2017 16:18

I think you've moved near me!Grin

Rainydayspending · 18/04/2017 16:21

I have found that the town i am near (very impoverished) is very hostile to outsiders. Wheras the affluent, "social" town i moved from was full of blunt rude people.
I think actually nowhere is very nice unless you happen to get to know some nice people. Which I struggle with, so my experience will always be of hostility.

Witchend · 18/04/2017 16:23

My grandparents' village would still refer to someone as "That newcomer from " when they'd lived there 40 years.Grin

Rainydayspending · 18/04/2017 16:26

Yeah. It's a bit like that. Extends to my children (born here). Which sucks. My daughter has been told she's "not good enough" to join in x because she's not "from here". Not funny.

OdinsLoveChild · 18/04/2017 16:26

Yes, the town I currently live in is just like that.

No one will voluntarily talk to me because I'm 'forrin' (from a different area of the country).
I frequently used to get the old 'you wont understand because youre not like us' type comments.

Even my car was offensive because everyone buys their car from the only dealership in the area and they all drive the same make and mines ...gasp...a different make of car. Shock

Even a BBQ DH organised was the wrong type of food and 'oh do you really serve mayonnaise with tuna, surely it should be salad cream' type comments.

30 years later and I'm still the forriner, and I get the odd comment of 'why are you at the parish meeting? It doesn't affect you because you're not local'.

Even my children were left out, ignored. I moved them to the neighbouring larger town for hobbies and school and there's far less stuff like that mainly because its such a large and diverse place.

In my opinion I would absolutely steer well clear of small market towns/ex mining communities if you want more inclusion. Its funny how they all say how friendly and welcoming they are.......well they are friendly...just not to anyone not born in the town with 6 generations behind them. Its funny how all us forriners (not born and bred in the town, not necessarily foreign) are always accused 1st of committing any crime that happens too Hmm

roverrange · 18/04/2017 16:29

Would love to see some names being offered!

I think I live in a friendly town, but have had to come off social media for the towns pages as it's all very negative just whining about dog poo and bad parking.

LastFirstEverything · 18/04/2017 16:30

Wow, I could have written your post!

Where I used to live, (an urban and 'rough' place in outer London/ Essex with a poor reputation, where there were lots of social deprivation issues and poverty, I felt part of a friendly community. I found it easy to fit in and made friends. It felt like people (generally) were honest and less judgemental. It wasn't perfect, but it was nice.

Now I live somewhere more 'desirable'. It feels very like the place where you live! The reputation it has annoys me- it seems to have no real bearing on the reality of the situation.

I quite want to move to our nearby city, which people (in this town)think is rough! It's not nearly as 'rough' as where I moved from, but I imagine it might be more friendly than this small town...

OdinsLoveChild · 18/04/2017 16:31

Well mines in Staffordshire....that's as accurate as I'm willing to be.

Reow · 18/04/2017 16:31

Have you moved from the North to the South OP?

I have many friends who have done the opposite, moved South to North and were shocked at how chatty and familiar people were with strangers. Apparently we are much more reserved here in the South. I've only lived in a few very similar places in the SE so I don't know the difference.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/04/2017 16:33

My previously small rural village is apparently growing and thriving but ime, it's being taken over by chewy faced types who complain about everything. They want more stuff to do but its a village Confused

Glitterywillows · 18/04/2017 16:34

Are you in Horsham? People are very unfriendly and that's why we moved away

MadisonAvenue · 18/04/2017 16:38

Odin the town I mentioned is in Staffordshire too

user1492528619 · 18/04/2017 16:40

Nope, there's a town near me that's very popular for tourists.

Go at least once a fortnight and whilst beautiful, its populace and the rudest I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

Someone kicked my car walking past because I 'nearly hit their pram' when I'd been parked up for five minutes waiting for my Mum... Just rude.

OdinsLoveChild · 18/04/2017 16:41

MadisonAvenue I know exactly where you're on about...I've had the same experience there too. I think it must be catching as its clearly spread Grin

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