To think a town can be unfriendly?

[Midnightpinot]

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

I understand the Staffordshire theme. Lived there for 5 years and took me 3 of those to be accepted at all! Missed it, when I left but I don't think they're very used to incomers!

The northeast superficial friendliness isn't so bad. You learn to be a little guarded when everyone is instantly your best friend until they're not, but the upside is that there are often people ready to help out if you find yourself in a public pickle, particularly when kids are involved. There is a very child centred culture around Newcastle-Gateshead-Durham which has been invaluable, having kids with SN. I've been helped out and have seen other people being helped out by strangers. There are some very vulnerable adults in my own community and people just look out for them.

You sound lovely, Uber. No wonder Guildford is so well loved.[hm]

ffs!

Sounds like a place I know in East Sussex. Beautiful, gorgeous buildings, and yet full of very well off people who look down on anyone who is not very well off as well.

Really, PickAChew? Don't you move here, please?! We don't need riffraff like you, honey!

I think it's knutsford you've moved to. Am I right op?

Wow Uber, you've done a wonderful job convincing everyone just how friendly Guildford residents are

OP, I'm going with Ormskirk - fits that's decription to a t!

I think we should all move to Guildford and put baths in our front yards.

I grew up in Wokingham (posh Berkshire, always makes it onto those best-place-to-live lists - I was always a bit scruffy and weird there but it is still home), and have lived in the North, then in Surrey and now in a little place in South Wales that prides itself on being quite friendly. IMO the divide between warm and open vs. reserved and quiet is mostly a case of what you're used to.

When I arrived here from Surrey I honestly felt smothered by people wanting to acknowledge me and chat all the time. It felt like being under a spotlight, like eyes were always on me and I would never be able to leave home unnoticed again. Now I've been here several years, I say hello to everyone too, and when I go 'home' it feels unfriendly because no one wants to catch my eye.

I still might move home if I could afford it, though. It wasn't a worse place, just different. I knew my neighbours, I helped out the old lady on one side a few times and the family on the other side gave us some cast off toys when DD was born. Maybe it took us a while longer to warm up to each other than it would here, I don't know. But IME in my current 'friendly' place, people are quite likely to be chatting away to your face and then bitching behind your back.

OP's new place sounds like the culture's gone a bit toxic though. 8 year old girls calling each other fat :(

Did you move from/to Burnley!

I moved back to the North West after 11 years down South and my....what a difference! I found it friendlier, less cliquey and more genuine in SE. Even though I was born here, I am still classed as not fitting in/outsider as I think I have adopted the Southern mentality!

I grew up in Gloucestershire and it wasn't a friendly place.

Hee hee... a fight going on because someone has the audacity to say that a place isn't friendly, to which the offended party says "We don't need riffraff like you, honey!"

I moved from south west london to isle of man and I was so freaked out for ages why everyone was saying hello ..good morning, I found the whoke think creepy for a while.
Saying that it helped I was white british as I was in a park one day where a lovely asian family was in the park who were very friendly and spent the whole time getting annoyed at the locals who thought it was funny to mock them and their accents.

Moved back to london and all feels normal again.

There is some friendly people down south and if you engage they genuinly do to.

why should they welcome outsiders?

oh how sad.

yes we should make an effort when we move to a new place , but it shouldn't be one sided.

" Why should they welcome outsiders? "

well why shouldn't they?
honestly if people in London started going on like people from Yorkshire etc do, they would be had up in court for racism. Then we are told how 'unfriendly' we are compared to lovely warm NOrtherners...

I live in Bristol. I've found some parts of Gloucestershire are very friendly (Stroud) but some less so (paonswick)

I've also found Liverpool, Newcastle, Birmingham, Leeds, Bristol, Cardiff all quite friendly cities. London much less so.

Another who thought Harrogate.

Was about to popst totally agreeing withOriginalgreen regarding Uber and Guildford buth then I read Uber's follow up

Don't you move here, please?! We don't need riffraff like you, honey! and realised without doubt she is having a laugh. Nice one!

FTR I think Guildford is lovely to visit and two of the nicest people I know live there (gosh that sounds uncomfortably close to some of my best friends are... ) but MULTICULTURAL??????? You really ARE having a laugh aren't you?

Another vote for the Putney / Barnes area of London! Been here 15 years and raised 4 DC. Barnes is like a village within London. It's 'pram jam" in the streets. You can't go shopping around this area without bumping into someone. It's a wealthy area sure, but people are generally sane and helpful. Few in our generation grew up here. People are open-minded and positive, I find. It's busy, but the river is lovely and it's still quite green.

I grew up in Liverpool and find it a bit claustrophobic and parochial up there now. Yes the sense of humour is there for sure, but I find it a bit much, all the time! London has more of a mix of people and broader perspectives in my opinion.

Also lived in Farnborough, Hants and Guildford and wouldn't return if you paid me. No atmosphere, uptight and boring as hell, Bland, bland and more bland.

I agree with a PP. I'm English in Scotland and I've received so much animosity and rudeness. People in my town are very insular. I can't wait to leave.

Another one in an unfriendly Staffordshire village.

Oh I forgot that when I worked in a shop in Guildford one of the regular comments from customers, who were pissed off because I wouldn't give them a discount or their money back when they had no reason, was 'do you know what my husband does.'

I live there barefoofdoctor Come and meet up. I have friend's who say I am an anomally because I have lived here nearly all my life and am friendly.

Here in a cliquey, parochial suburb of Manchester, but so is my ex and our dcs so...

Lois Which one of the Village People are you - the cowboy or the Indian?
Antigone Completely agree. The irony is that there is no such thing as an outsider or an incomer in London yet we're the ones who are always being told we're unfriendly London welcomes everyone- Polish plumbers, Latvian lap dancers, Brazilian waiters, Ghanaian lawyers, we honestly don't care. I agree with a PP that some places in the U.K. make a big show about being superficially friendly so you get lots of people making small talk with you but those places can also be very cliquey and inward looking so it can be hard to make genuine friends.