To think a town can be unfriendly?

[Midnightpinot]

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

Ribble

My ex in laws lived for a time in Woking and we used to go to Guildford when we visited. Awful places full of snobs and stuck up people looking down on others.

I lived in a small town outside of Bristol for years which was essentially geared towards young families/professional parents. So many there were full of their own self importance and looked down on anyone who was a manual worker or had an old car etc. It was ridiculous.

I now live in a large town where there is a large diversity of age groups and many different forms of housing. It is more accepting here, although many haven't lived anywhere else and are less likely to accept newcomers. I can be more anonymous, or join in if I want. Just right.

The snob element is around but they are in the minority. I haven't got 5 minutes for people who are unfriendly and stuck up.

Did you move from the north to south?

I live in a working class Northern town that like many round here seem to sell themselves as salt of the earth, "we'd give you our last penny cus we're right nice us" types, when in most cases nothing could be further from the truth!

Like others have said it's a very small-minded place, distrustful of change and anyone who wasn't born there and can't trace their local ancestry back at least 4 generations, and the local facebook page is filled with complaints about how rubbish the shops in town are and never ending rants about "foreign" taxi drivers.

Either a lot of us live in the same place or a lot of the Country is much the same way.

I lived in Horsham my whole life till 10 years ago and can't say I found it unfriendly. Or maybe I was the unfriendly one, I'm not a sociable or chatty person. Most of my friends didn't come from Horsham originally so it's not a place that cares about whether your family have lived there for a million years.

It can be very snobby though. There was exclamations of horror when we moved to the next town which is definitely not as good as Horsham according to those who live in Horsham. But it's really friendly here and has a great community.

Well, just to add a little nuance - there can be a lot to be said for unfriendliness.

I find my hometowns "friendly" nosy stance quite exhausting.

They living in k.u.t lived here all my life .Now one of the most stuck up towns ever I think it's because we still have Grammar Schools.

You didn't leave Blackburn, Blackpool or Burnley did you OP?

Flaming predictive text Try.Bit stressed pot by front door spontaneously combusted have had to pour water all over it now strangely everywhere smells of bacon.

I do agree with Guildford being full of stuck-up people. I worked there for two years and had quite a few run-ins with locals which I simply haven't had in other places. I think it's the money though. People with lots of money can genuinely believe they are more important than those without

Have you seen the guildford dragon or 'keep guildford green' campaign?

Nimbyism at its finest.

I knew someone would mention Staffordshire I was brought up there, let's just say I'm glad I moved away!
OP I think it's true some areas can be unfriendly and unwelcoming. I hope things get better for you there.

I agree. People where I live are generally unfriendly, if I go into town to a pub on a night out (rare nowadays!) i always feel uncomfortable, like something's about to kick off. I've been to other places, up north, the West Country for example, where I've felt much more at home and people are much friendlier. If it wasn't for family and friends if certainly consider moving.

OP- did you move from a place beginning with B?

Interesting that different people perceive "unfriendly" in different ways.

For some, unfriendly is defined by a place being rough, dangerous, edgy, always as if something's about to kick off.

For others, unfriendly is defined by being "naice" and stuck up.

I would go by the first definition. I like a lot of the towns that have been described as "stuck up" - I just find them nice, pleasant, safe places to be - and therefore friendly.

I'm with Carrotgirl - Harrogate?

Oh god, everyone is now just going to guess every possible "worst place to live" nominee in the NW, knew I shouldn't have mentioned it! Mustn't be found out or I really will be an outsider for life. Or chased out with pitchforks. Glad to have found so many on my wavelength though!

I just love Liverpool for its friendliness. People just love a chat. Buying something in a shop? Have a chat over the till. Waiting in a waiting room/bus stop? Have a little chat. Lovely.

DD thinks it's hilarious. I'll be talking to someone and I'll walk away, DD will say 'Who was that, mum' and I'll say 'dunno, I was just talking to them'.

Sad to see it can be perceived as a sign of low class as mentioned upthread.

My 'worst' town was Henley on Thames and environs - my accent was northern and I was young and shy and it was awful. People would rarely chat in shops, pubs, etc. to a stranger and on the odd occasion they did they it would be like a sharp intake of breath and step back on hearing my northern accent. Never been more miserable in a pretty place. Quickly started job hunting again...

I'm not saying that richer people are necessarily meaner but when I helped out at charity stalls (along the south coast) I always found that the posher the town the more spirited the haggling. We all like a bargain but the richer folks really loved to beat the price down even further.

@FrankiesKnuckle no not RH! Although I have and I agree!

I did the opposite - moved from a footballers wives type area to the edge of a large, infamous council estate when a relationship broke down. My house is on the landing path of an international airport - still much prefer the atmosphere and the people around here and DS has some really lovely friends, all from said estate. I'm in the North West too OP.

Living in a town where I never meet my neighbours sounds like Heaven to me

I was born and brought up in South East London, I now live in a friendly market town and although there are obvious benefits I sometimes break out in a cold sweat when I see six different people I know from the school when I go to the town. You can't beat the anonymity of London. No one knows who you are and no one cares - bliss!

At least give us a county, pleeease OP!

(my home town is mentioned on here as the previous friendly place )

As a suggestion, I mean, not the actual place.

Ahem.

You've just left somewhere where you were very settled, happy and had lots of friends. You've just moved somewhere where you don't have friends and feel a bit out of sorts. It takes a year or two to fully settle in an area and make meaningful friendships.