To think a town can be unfriendly?

[Midnightpinot]

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

It's so nice to read a thread that isn't saying that everywhere in the U.K. is welcoming and friendly apart from London where everyone goes round ignoring or glowering at people. London is actually much friendlier than the small towns and villages I've lived in and there is none of this 'incomer' nonsense because the majority of us are incomers. I do agree about Liverpool though- if I had to move out of London, I'd move there.

For a long time I thought the town I lived in was being used for mass witness protection, everyone seemed so unfriendly and closed. I've learnt the ways of it now and have become the same sadly.

Try being English in a Scottish former mining village! About as welcome as a fart in a space suit.

Are you in Mos Eisley?

I'm one of those Village People that incomers might say are unfriendly, its not deliberate on my part. I'm friendly to everyone but I have had the same friends for years and it never occurred to me until reading mn that some people go to toddler groups etc to make friends. It's not something I have ever had to do. I would go for the dc, chat to people and leave.

We live in a small town in East London, the locals are the friendliest people you've ever met. Well, as in those who have been there more than 50 years. Moved out of the "real" East End and have that real community spirit going.
Then on the other hand, there's an influx of stuck up middle class twonks with huge cars moving here because the houses are big but less expensive than you'd get elsewhere in London.
They're cold, miserable and generally seem a bit pissed off that they're in East London rather than a naice part of London.
Hated mother and toddler groups, regularly asked if I was the nanny because I was a fairly young mum (27 when I had my first, so hardly young!).
But unfortunately, it's where DH and I both grew up. Families are close by, it's great for commuting as it's zone 3 and great schools so we won't be moving.

Sounds just like Chichester 😂

It's not Hebden Bridge is it? There's 10 years of my life I'll never get back...

I used to work in an inner city area where there had been rioting, the year before I worked there. It had a bad rep. I never found it anything other than friendly, great and would think nothing of walking alone in the dark at night there, to get a bus, or whatever.

At the same time we visited in laws in a market town in Leicestershire. Jesus, I have never been so scared in my life. Town centre filled up at night with troubled 'youth' giving you evils if you dared walk anywhere... People jostling you and barging into you in the daytime, in the streets and glaring...

Years ago, went to something in Sedgefield, County Durham. We used to travel over the whole of England and Scotland, doing events and pretty well travelled everywhere. That was the most grim, miserable, hostile environment ever.

Rover - is the dog poo/parking place in Northumberland? It sounds very like my home towns Facebook page 😂

It sounds like my town. It's my home town too. Most people live here because there are better opportunities but there's no sense of community

Burton in Staffordshire is very unfriendly, and racist.

I prefer living in a city because there are bound to be at least a handful of people who are similar. I think small towns and villages can be very difficult to a newcomer.

OP I'm in the north west and I've spent most of my life here. We're on quite a 'naice' estate but are definitely in one of the cheapest houses that I bought as a singleton.
Our neighbours are snobs and are very unfriendly!! I've been told how they complain that our garden isn't perfectly manicured (with 4 manholes) and about DPs car and we actually had dead animals put into the car because one neighbour didn't like where we kept our bins.

Sorry - late to come back... we're in the South East. North Surrey.

It's just so wearing; although I imagine there are loads of similar FB town pages. It's just the same old low level whinging.

Not Macclesfield is it? We moved there when I was 10 ish and my mum couldn't wait to get away, she thought the people were so unfriendly. She's a Liverpudlian though.

Just outed myself probably!

Oh and it's commuter town, so peppers live here just to get away from here

Oh a town definitely can be unfriendly. But there is usually something going on in your own life too IMO. Moved to a small city 16 years ago, I was leaving London and in mourning for it. It's supposed to be 'so lovely'. Was never happy there and only ever made a couple of friends, neither of whom I am still in touch with. Everyone I met was offputting.

Moved like a bat out of hell to my current small city 13 years ago. It's notoriously cliquey and unpleasant but I love it here and have loads of friends. That's partly because I was in love and pregnant when I moved, and partly obviously because I must be cliquey and unpleasant...

people .. although I imagine peppers would feel the same.

L know exactly what you ean op, when my dh and I first got married we lived in Putney where first dc was born, it was lovely so friendly that I thought all parts of London must be like that, I never walked to the shops without stopping and chatting with lots of folk on the way home, after a few years we moved into the suburbs which I expected to be just as friendly I was sure in for a shock everyone elses dh was "something in the city" and our faces didn`t fit.

Bit of a theme with Staffordshire

Right, happy, loyal Guildford resident here so don't read on if this offends you (i.e. you have an issue with this town!)-

How on earth can A TOWN be unfriendly? Really?! Surely it's primarily up to an individual to make the effort when they join a new place?

Can you really say that the whole of Guildford are snobs/cunts etc? Do the lovely cobbled streets offend you? The historic buildings? Or did the Cathedral give you sly evils??! Come on, people, please!

For the record, I fricking love Guildford. Every time I go somewhere shitty, rundown or too built up I am so grateful to come back to this green, clean place that has its fair share of well educated, hard working, ambitious, pleasant, law abiding people. Not like the crap you get in some places.

Me, my friends and family love Guildford. It attracts all types of people, is vibrant, happy, bustling and multicultural. If you hate it so much, please don't come back, and leave the rest of us to continue to enjoy it. Thanks 😀

It's strange how you can have a character like that. I play tennis and most of the clubs are lovely. There's one that has a dreadful reputation for bad line calls/cheating/unpleasant behaviour.

Ds was playing a junior (U8) match once and I was chatting to another parent whose dc had just started playing, and they said they'd played a match last week where a parent had stood in the middle of the court screaming that their dd had won (despite she'd lost quite badly and was taking it fairly well) another parent ran across two courts to accuse another child of calling one out when it was in (on side line so they no way would have been able to tell) and another parent was screaming abuse at their ds when he lost a point.
I said jokingly "was it BXXXXX"? and they gave me a funny look and said "yes, how did I know?"
It left me slightly non-plussed really. Is it that people that are that way inclined look for a club that "supports" their behaviour? Or people think that's the way to behave?

I'm fairly new into the team tennis, so don't know the clubs and players, but whenever behaviour has led me to ask if we're playing that club, then we always have been.

Every time I go somewhere shitty, rundown or too built up I am so grateful to come back to this green, clean place that has its fair share of well educated, hard working, ambitious, pleasant, law abiding people

Fair enough but I live in a visually unpleasant area and I work hard, abide by the law, have a degree too etc etc I think the problem is people feeling uncomfortable with those they perceive to be different and maybe playing it cool until they suss each other out. That happens everywhere.

Guildford is the only place where I have been referred to as 'you people'. (Meaning people who work in shops).
Oh and the only place where I've ever had 'do you know who I am'.

Maybe it's you that is putting other people off? If you're sullen then no one will like you.

If it's famous for being a nice area then locals will already have their own friends and family. Why should they welcome outsiders? You will have to make a real effort.