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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a town can be unfriendly?

225 replies

Midnightpinot · 18/04/2017 16:01

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 18/04/2017 17:37

Another one from the Liverpool/Wirral area - we'll talk to anyone here!

VeganCow · 18/04/2017 17:39

Have you moved from an area in Manchester?

Sirzy · 18/04/2017 17:39

Warrington is a very friendly northern town too. Even picking up new glasses last week I had a lovely conversation with a complete stranger!

KC225 · 18/04/2017 17:40

Moved from dog rough friendly part of London to risk Sweden - hostile

FrankiesKnuckle · 18/04/2017 17:43

@MrsTerryPratchett are you in a RH post code?!
Feel the same, came from zone1/2 to outside the M25 and still struggling to make friends. It's like the time warp here, no one ever bloody leaves - they're all 'so friendly' because they know each other!

barefoofdoctor · 18/04/2017 17:43

Kettering Northamptonshire. Most miserable depressing place ever with hideously miserable unfriendly people.

friendlytown · 18/04/2017 17:50

Horsham is a lovely place and I've found it pretty friendly. Moved here a few years ago and have made some really good friends. I'm really surprised that some people have said it's not friendly. I do think that some people who have spent most of their lives here don't realise how good they've got it - it doesn't have a lot of (big) problems so doesn't feel quite the same as "the real world" sometimes iyswim. So in that respect a bit insular. But overall I love it and have no intention of leaving and definitely not going back to London.

I agree some other places can feel unfriendly though.

(Yes I did namechange don't want all my other posts to be linked to a small town just in case I'd out myself )

Littleraincloud · 18/04/2017 18:04

I live in a small town in Yorkshire. Think Royston Casey. But my family have been here hundreds of years so I love it now I've got children . hated it as a teen! Recently came to my aid when we had a spot of bother with a 'new-comer' who hadn't picked up on the feeling of the place and tried slandering me, badly. They were basically told to fuck off by a whole town

Littleraincloud · 18/04/2017 18:05

Vasey

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 18/04/2017 18:05

I have moved to a new town. The more affluent people are rude (supermarket,) cliquey (at school,) and stuck up (look down on me for moving to the new estate.)
The less affluent people are so welcoming and supportive and importantly not judgemental.
This is the opposite to the town I moved from. Both southern towns.

toffeeboffin · 18/04/2017 18:10

Does the town rhyme with Lipton, midnight?

scaryclown · 18/04/2017 18:11

Mind you .. most of these are in England - I think England is culturally more disposed to unfriendliness than other cultures, as we have traditionally seen control of emotions as a virtue (French) in our aristocracy,

Whats that cartoon where an english gentleman is studiously ignoring a guy drowning in a river shouting 'help help' etc. When he says 'excuse me awfully, I hope you don't mind, but I could use a little help' he gets his attention.

England is ODD.

wildbhoysmama · 18/04/2017 18:14

OP pack up your troubles and come see us in Glasgow. You'll never be short of a friendly welcome or some craic ( no comments please, lol!). AND tons of culture,shopping, music, green spaces...i could go on.

ZaraKeyOui · 18/04/2017 18:22

I found Newcastle Upon Tyne superficially quite friendly - as in people would chat to you at the bus stop etc. But long term impossible to make friends in. Too many people who have long established friendship groups that an outsider can't crack into. I found people very closed off after the initial meeting.

In London I found it a bit cooler to start off with but I made lots of real friends there as there's so many people who move there alone and are looking for friends.

user1490948702 · 18/04/2017 18:23

I found Horsham pretty unfriendly (unless you're already in a clique) but I've moved North (not very North) to South and find it's generally more reticent and so feels 'unfriendly' down here, but whether it really is or is just a different style of social etiquette, I don't know.

People are friendly when they know you but no one ever strikes up a conversation until they do so you are stuck in that limbo! I often force myself to say hello and keep trying and people then do thaw but the onus is on you as the outsider to break in rather than the insiders to extend a hand of welcome. It's very different in the other country I have heritage of and when I visit there I find myself going from one of the most open people to one of the most reserved, comparatively.

Runny · 18/04/2017 18:24

I live in a town that is a bit like this, though its changing slowly I think. Ex industrial, markets, traditionally very working class, resistant to change etc. I had one person who was working here from out of the area tell me they thought the town had a really intimidating atmosphere.

On the other hand I used to work in a very small town 40 mins away which has a reputation of being close knit and found the locals really friendly.

mustiwearabra · 18/04/2017 18:25

YANBU at all. I live in one of the top 10 safest areas in London and it's the most unsafe I've ever felt in my life. Drug use, vandalism, abuse in the street. We're getting the hell out to move to another part.

CupcakeBabaPoo · 18/04/2017 18:25

YANBU - I moved from a city oop north to a town in the South West.

It is very cliquey and 'local'. Those born and bred round here find it friendly but I beg to differ.

Atenco · 18/04/2017 18:26

It's the same here in Mexico. I love the countryside, but that is what I fear about moving out of the city.

I remember visiting a town where they closed the main street down to have a party and then I went to another town, not a million miles away and it was all twitching net curtains, yuck!

In Dublin, you lived in one place where people were "friendly" but as they had all grown up together, were not open for real friendship with an outsider; another place where they were incredibly inclusive of new arrivals and then another, five minutes walk away, where outsiders were the enemy to be run out of town.

SnickersWasAHorse · 18/04/2017 18:32

Guildford was like that. Chock full up stuck up cunts.

I lived in Brighton for a few years too. I lived in the same house for 3 years and never met one of the neighbours.

When I moved to where I live now I had a welcome card through the door from a neighbour.
I've been here about 10 years and know loads of people.
It was the same when I lived in Yorkshire.

Mulledwine1 · 18/04/2017 18:33

I think it depends what you want. I live in a place with a reasonable community vibe and people in the shops are friendly. I am not particularly outgoing or sociable and it works for me. I don't think girls in schools are ever particularly nice to each other, regardless of area, and wonder if your dd is seeing things through rose-tinted spectacles.

But someone posted on our local FB group after going out for an Easter walk and moaning about people not saying hello while they were out walking. I am not sure why people "require" other people to engage with them. Personally, if I don't want to speak to you, I think your insistence on trying to get a response from me is as rude as me not responding to you. And I come from the North, by the way!

I don't know about the local/foreign thing, as the area I live in has lots of incomers, but I can imagine a few villages are like that. Also, being in the thick of things can have its disadvantages. For example, get involved in a club and you get all the "office" politics. Get involved in village life, do something wrong, and get ignored by everyone (happened to my mother when she went out with a bloke who is considered a pillar of the community, and then split up with him).

Being sociable can be overrated.

Mulledwine1 · 18/04/2017 18:34

I do agree with Guildford being full of stuck-up people. I worked there for two years and had quite a few run-ins with locals which I simply haven't had in other places. I think it's the money though. People with lots of money can genuinely believe they are more important than those without.

FanaticalFox · 18/04/2017 18:39

Guildford is vile!! Horrible posh twats who think they're better than everyone.

Original poster

Midnightpinot · 18/04/2017 18:49

No ToffeeBoffin but I know where you mean! Thanks WildBhoysMama I'll remember that if we need a plan b.

I know what you mean MulledWine1 but I wouldn't say I'm particularly outgoing either, but at a kids party I am used to some chitchat, or a thank you for a gift. DD was trying so hard to be happy at her new school but the girls seem genuinely unkind/ lack compassion and they're only 8 ffs

OP posts:

Donthate · 18/04/2017 18:49

I'm guessing you haven't moved far. Say Burnley to the rubble valley?

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