To think a town can be unfriendly?

[Midnightpinot]

I'm aware this sounds ridiculous. A while ago DD 8, my DH and I moved to a new area. The old area is consistently touted as one of the worst places to live in the U.K, due to poverty etc but we were happy where we lived and my DD had plenty of friends. These school children generally were quite immature, still enjoying a lot of Disney etc and very friendly.

The new area has actually been voted one of the best places in the U.K. to live. Lots of lovely places to eat, parks and country walking etc. We moved there because of this, but also out of necessity for my DH work.

Anyway I really, genuinely feel like the adults and children here are less friendly. I noticed straight away how the kids seemed really mean, making nasty comments even about adults, rolling their eyes and making 'whatever' faces I've only ever seen on teenagers before. No smiling or laughing here (unless in a nasty way) My DD is a very positive person and said everything was fine, but has now admitted that she doesn't have any "real" friends like her old friends and she can't understand why the girls at school are so rude and bossy. She's also developing problems with food as the girls at school worry about weight and call each other fat (at 8! WTF!) It's not just that school either, I've seen it whilst generally out and about.

We've been to many children's parties now where we are blanked by other parents except to snatch the present away. I'm completely thrown by it and an feeling immense guilt over the move.

We had a party for DD recently where lots of the parents never even bothered RSVP-ing. The children/parents that did turn up wouldn't listen to the woman managing the party at all, were picking on DD old friends or generally being disruptive as their parents stood and watched.

Everyone drives their cars like maniacs or are warring over parking spaces. No one lets anyone out and god help you try and cross a road without a pedestrian crossing-no one is stopping for you unless forced. The Facebook group they have is mainly people taking pictures of bad parking, dash cam footage of bad driving or slating of local businesses.

So, AIBU to think one small town can just have a bad culture? Everyone here is very proud of their 'Lovely, friendly town' and I just don't feel it at all. So sorry for the long post!

sugarformyhoney if you think chi I bad try Selsey or wittering they spend their lives looking down on Bognor....

Antigone, Hoolies et al

Yep, in my experience (so completely anecdotal and non scientific)....the bigger the city, the bigger (and more inclusive) the welcome.

I have lived in London and other major cities and small rural towns and villages. Some of the smaller places have been okay (others not so much) as long as you have been prepared to toe the received party line. In larger places, London in particular, I have found the party to be very much more 'come as you are'

My DPs live in town x. When my DB got his first serious girlfriend, friends of DPs asked them if she was a local girl. My DF replied 'No, she's from village y (7 miles away).

I live in Edinburgh and everyone says it's an unfriendly city and although I love it, I think they're right!

I went to York for a weekend and couldn't believe how helpful and chatty everyone was!

I also think it depends in life stages / business whether you want to make friends or have enough going on in your life.

Had enough of the Guildford hate tbh, and don't feel the need to continue defending this charming town. Come her, don't come here, whatever! But if you can't make friends or feel 'left out', maybe look at yourself, not blame a place! It's an amazing place and most normal people love it, actually! 😀

come here*

It seems there are two types of unfriendliness - the "you're a newcomer because your family hasn't lived here for ten generations" one and the "we're very status conscious" variety.

I always thought I'd like to live in Esher, having seen it from the train. When I spent some time there I hated it. Full of women with artfully-done highlights driving Range Rovers. People being pushy, putting others down, trying to be seen to be doing the "right" thing. All very off-putting.

Then there was the comment from a previous poster saying that it wasn't till she came on MN that it occurred to her that some people went to toddler groups etc to make friends . Heaven forbid! I found that where I live. I have trotted out this anecdote on MN numerous times, but when I tentatively suggested a babysitting circle type of thing at dd's playgroup, I received a group stare of incredulity and the reply, "Why don't you ask your parents to babysit?" I replied that I'd need a seance.

I also wondered Harrogate...

I live in a fairly large town. Within that are different subsets of the town postcode iyswim?

My friends and I have found it's definitely apparent even within different areas.

I live in a fairly friendly area and she lives just a mile away in a more MC area - where the neighbours who've been there for years can be really snobby. That's just down the road from an area known for its insular "we are 5th generation family from this area" and the school parents there are known for treating "outsiders" the same.

Her DDs started the secondary school linked to that school, her DDs school and another in the opposite direction from again one of those generation type living situations.
The attitude of their peers was awful and her eldest moved schools (youngest is on waiting list) and the experience is so different at new school with attitude of peers.

My ds attended non catchment school (same distance as catchment) and again found the population of his peers to be very difficult and unfriendly. He also now attends an out of catchment school in another subset area where the attitude is entirely different. The children and family meme era are just so different.

So yes, I totally believe it happens.

The town I live in used to be very friendly. It's 'up and coming' now. The house prices have shot up and hipsters have moved in. Everyone is angry and rude now. It's bloody awful.

Guildford is good for shopping, but I have been judged there for having a 'common' accent. My sister worked at a school in west Surrey and one of the parents didn't want her working with their children incase they picked up her London accent! Says it all really. East Surrey not so bad I found (well, apparently from Reigate😁)

We've just moved to the north east, and I know its a cliché, but everyone has been really friendly so far. The neighbours are chatty and helpful. Our DD made friends with a little girl at the park, her mum left her with us while she went back to her car and then fed my daughter half their packed lunch. And a jogger running past our house knocked and told us we'd left the key in the front door. That wouldn't have happened where we used to live.

Apart from Reigate I mean

Colour me surprised you're not talking about a naice part of Norfolk. Although to be fair, it doesn't matter if it's a rough or naice bit of the area, they're all suspicious of us "foreigners."

We've just moved to the north east, and I know its a cliché, but everyone has been really friendly so far. The neighbours are chatty and helpful. Our DD made friends with a little girl at the park, her mum left her with us while she went back to her car and then fed my daughter half their packed lunch. And a jogger running past our house knocked and told us we'd left the key in the front door. That wouldn't have happened where we used to live.

Would you believe it I've had similar things happen in Guildford? And I'm an "incomer".

Admittedly it's a odd town full of very different "communities", but it can be incredibly friendly. On the other hand there are a reasonable number of insecure social climbing types, so you can be unlucky.
I grew up to the East of London and don't think it was as friendly, except for the people who had lived there 40-50+ years (which my family had...).

Squirrelwatcher Interesting that you think it's Ormskirk. Formby has a bad reputation for unfriendliness too.

I can hear banjos on MY commute

allfurcoatnoknockers
You live near me? central line zone 4-5???

From my experience, working class areas are more friendly and middle class less so.

Cowgirl YY to Formby and it's rep! I grew up in the North West but was born elsewhere, so had a different accent. I left for London at 20.
Standard question meeting new people was always "Where are you from?" It still is now when I go back to visit.

NoSpring I am not White British and the looks of disdain that my family get when visiting York, makes me shudder imagining living there

I'm thinking of moving to Ormskirk. I think it's got a nice feel, with the students and all that.

I haven't found one friendly place in Staffordshire. Very cliquey place

Another vote for the "Staffordshire is unfriendly" crowd here. I moved to a town there as a teen and hated the place.

I had a more southern accent (I wont say where but nearer London) so i spent most of my teens being called "Australian", "a posh bitch" and "not like us" by other teens as well as adults. All because i didn't have a Stokey accent and pronounce "bus" and "booz". Ridiculous. Couldn't wait to go to university just to get away from it.

On the other hand, my grandparents moved from the same place at the same time to the same town and they love the place! My grandmother has even been asked to be a parish Councillor. I guess it might differ with age groups?

Squirre1 my village is definitely cliquey.