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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 13/04/2017 15:33

Sounds a bit odd to me. Is he immature in other ways?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/04/2017 15:34

It does sound immature for 20 imo

FreddieFlowerdew · 13/04/2017 15:35

Sounds like they are envious of your wonderful relationship. My brother was like this with my Mum and it was a testament to their loving relationship. No matter how old they are they are still your baby!

Laiste · 13/04/2017 15:36

Sitting cuddling, hand holding while talking, hugging and lap sitting.

One or maybe two of the above would be sweet for a 20 year old man with his mum. All of them often - not so much IMO. Sorry. No one elses bees wax though really.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:37

No, I don't think so. He works full time (in our family business.) He's a sensible guy. Doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He has a social life, goes on dates, goes to parties.....he does play a lot of online games on his PlayStation/Xbox but that's normal I think!

OP posts:
JunosRevenge · 13/04/2017 15:39

Sounds perfectly normal to me, OP. Not really anyone else's business tbh...

Scabetty · 13/04/2017 15:39

Not sure I would like him for a boyfriend but apart from that none if my bees wax.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/04/2017 15:39

Sorry but that does sound really odd. Sitting on your lap and holding your hand while chatting are the weirdest. And sitting cuddling tbh. I'd say that whether it was a son or a daughter by the way.

Oldbrownowl · 13/04/2017 15:40

bit odd, I was expecting you to say he was 9, which would have been ok but by 20 sitting on lap, holding hands whilst talking is a bit strange.

However if you don't mind it then it really is no one elses business.

BelleEsme · 13/04/2017 15:41

He sounds like a lovely boy and I hope I have the same with my son when he's that age ☺️

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 13/04/2017 15:41

Perfectly normal.

My DS is 14 and I don't expect him to grow out of being affectionate. My brother is in his mid twenties and still kisses and cuddles us (three sisters) and mum and dad.

He sounds lovely.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/04/2017 15:41

I have ds's aged 17, 19 and 21, none of them have been as affectionate towards me as your boy is to you, I get hugs as greetings and on departures but that's it.

If you're both comfortable it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Laiste · 13/04/2017 15:42

This one is going to run and run :)

Crunchymum · 13/04/2017 15:42

Nope, not normal at all IME

I don't know, nor have ever known, a 20yo of either sex behave like this.

What does his Dad say about it?

ElspethFlashman · 13/04/2017 15:43

Tbh even a daughter sitting on your lap or holding your hand whilst talking would be an unusual sight at 20.

That said, if you're all happy, crack on.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:43

Yeah the sitting on lap thing happens rarely. Last time funnily enough was when family member made comments. The hugging and handholding isn't constant. I get a hug when he comes downstairs in the morning and maybe a random one during the day.
The handholding thing he does kind of in passing. He'll be on his way to the kitchen from the living room and he'll give my hand a kind of high five as he walks past, or if he's come to tell me something he'll hold my hand(not every time) while he tells me his tale.

OP posts:
Gooseygoosey12345 · 13/04/2017 15:44

Not "normal" but I think it's quite lovely actually!

Ferrisday · 13/04/2017 15:44

Immature?
Just sounds affectionate to me.

Nothing wrong with it OP

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 13/04/2017 15:44

If you and he are ok with it, fuck what anyone else thinks. I'm fed up of people saying "oh make the most of the cuddles now, they'll grow out of it" about my boys! Yet nobody does about DD. He sounds a lovely son OP.

VintagePerfumista · 13/04/2017 15:45

It isn't how most 20 yr olds would behave with their mothers, no.

It isn't how most teenagers would behave with their mothers.

He does sound lovely. He also sounds very very immature and possibly needy.

What's his social life like? Hobbies, apart from online gaming? Does he work or is he a student? Do you know his friends?

Aridane · 13/04/2017 15:45

Sorry - sounds distinctly odd, a bit OTT even for a lover!

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:45

My daughter doesn't behave like this AT ALL! I mean I get the hugs hello and goodbye but that's it!

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/04/2017 15:48

In fairness Happyhippy from your first post, it sounded far more full on than you're saying in your follow-ups. If it's more a passing thing, a cuddle here and there and a squeeze of your hand, that's not that weird at all. I do that with my Ma, I'll squeeze her fingers sometimes (in a nice way ha!) and like a hug sometimes. I'm 23.

PragmaticWench · 13/04/2017 15:49

He sounds completely emotionally secure, you must have modelled great relationships to him.

ECR123 · 13/04/2017 15:52

I still do all of these things with my mum and I'm nearly 24. I don't think it's weird at all.