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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/04/2017 15:53

Tbf your updates are a completely different picture to the one you painted in your OP

AnyFucker · 13/04/2017 15:54

Is his name Norman ?

thethoughtfox · 13/04/2017 15:55

If my dd does this at 20, I will explode with happiness. You sound like a lovely family.

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:55

He works full time, has a social life out of the house.
I know quite a few of his friends and he's happy to bring them round to our house to socialise. Nice group of people.
He's a very typical teenager(almost 20) in lots of ways.
He's always been quite tactile with close family. He actually broke his Uncle who thought it too manly for men to hug other men when they greet. This uncle now hugs all his nephews. His other Uncle and Dad are still not comfortable.
I should mention we lived in the USA for about 10 years when he was growing up. Americans are more open with their feelings I think and men hugging is completely normal.

OP posts:

Blazedandconfused · 13/04/2017 15:56

Your op sounded a little odd. Your updates sound like you have an affectionate son. I hope my sons grow up to be similar.

Branleuse · 13/04/2017 15:57

my 16 year old is a bit like this, very cuddly and likes holding my hand, but he does have autism, and I always assumed that most boys of that age are not into publicly cuddling their mums

Goldmandra · 13/04/2017 15:57

My DDs are 14 and nearly 20 and they both do this. So does DD1's 19 year old friend who we've known since she was 2 and calls in often, including when DD1 isn't here.

Not sure why there's a problem TBH. Maybe your family member feels that your DS's affection for you put their own relationship in a bad light?

Trifleorbust · 13/04/2017 15:58

Hugs are normal. Not sure about the rest at 20. Nothing wrong with it but certainly unusual.

UppityHumpty · 13/04/2017 15:58

Sounds normal. I do all of that with my mum. My brother will often lie down with his head on her lap when he visits - and he's in his thirties, married, with kids.

AliceKlar · 13/04/2017 15:58

Your OP sounded as if DS holds hands when he is talking/sits on your knee as a matter of course. The following post, more that these things are in passing. A hug in the morning or the odd hold of hand/s in passing seems far more like spontaneous but brief acts of affection. And why not. If he was doing these things most of the time then it would make me wonder why he needed to do them so much.

It's probably not the norm but then all families are different, individuals are different and express themselves in different ways. If everyone is fine about it and there's no other reason behind it than just being a generally very affectionate person, I'd not give it a second thought. He sounds lovely.

JessicaEccles · 13/04/2017 15:58

I once visited a friend's house and her 20 year old brother was sitting on his mother's lap. It wasn't very comfortable because a) he was rather large and b) everyone else was a bit Euwwwwwwww.

ohtheholidays · 13/04/2017 15:58

I think it sounds lovely.

One of my nieces(we've always been very close)is only 9 years younger than me and she'd sit on my lap when she was 16 and I was 25 and then when she was pregnant with her first DC 18(nearly)19 and she'd come to visit me she'd always want a cuddle of me.

She's always treated me more like her Mum than her Auntie(they're relationship is pretty much non existent sadly)and if she needs my love she gets it,just like my other 5DC no matter what age any of them are.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/04/2017 15:58

I just wonder how the dynamic will change if he brings a girlfriend (or boyfriend) home. Will he still cuddle his mum, sit with you holding hands etc and I wonder how his partner would feel?

IHeartDodo · 13/04/2017 16:00

Tbh it sounds a little bit weird. When I started reading your post I assumed he was aged, 5-10 and thought it was fine, but 20...?

Teabagtits · 13/04/2017 16:00

I think it's really sad that people may get find an adult child giving their mum a cuddle odd. Sitting on your knee is a bit strange if only because of his size but if it works for you both then I don't see any problem with it. Enjoy the cuddles!

brassbrass · 13/04/2017 16:02

mine do everything you described apart from the hand holding while talking. No hand holding ever, very occasionally they might let me link arms when we're out for a long walk. I guess I would be very self conscious if they did hold my hand like that because I would immediately worry about how other people would perceive it and get the sort of comments you got.

The sitting on lap thing is about them being physically bigger and squashing me type of wrestling thing. We're quite a physical family. They'll try to pick me up as well to prove how much bigger and stronger they are etc

Chloe84 · 13/04/2017 16:02

Sounds perfectly fine to me.

The sitting on lap is done for a laugh so no problem there. I would sit on my mum's lap for a laugh if I could get away with it.

NeonGod73 · 13/04/2017 16:03

The sitting on your lap bit is very odd. Kids should give this up at about 14 max. And the holding your hand bit while chatting to you? I hope he doesn't do this while you are walking together.

GabsAlot · 13/04/2017 16:04

i used to do this with my dad always been affectionate with him

not so much in public because of how small minded poeple act but i dot think theres anything wrong with it

Livelovebehappy · 13/04/2017 16:05

My DS 19 does these things apart from the hand holding and sitting on my lap. I think it would be a little odd if he tried to hold my hand, but if you are happy with things, then just ignore people who comment on it to you, because it really is no-one else's business. Better the hand holding and lap sitting than a DS with drug or alcohol problems, which is what some families have to put up with unfortunately.

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:06

We do joke about (if) when he has kids and his kids saying "Dad, it's our turn to sit on grannys knee!"

His dad doesn't say anything about it. He's fine with it but will occasionally gently make fun of him.

Thank you for all the lovely comments.
I'll think of them when I'm asking him for the millionth time to get the dirty dishes out of his room/take the bin out etc.

OP posts:

endoftether12 · 13/04/2017 16:06

I think it is nice. My son is 13 but pretty affectionate. He likes me to sit on his bed for a chat at the end of the day, gives me hugs etc. Not all the time mind, he can be as grumpy and snappy as a 'typical teenager' a lot of the time but usually apologises afterwards if so. I hope he is the same as your son when older. It isn't weird, it is just someone comfortable with affection! I never hug or touch my parents and haven't since I was about 10. It's nice to be comfortable with your mum.

TheFairyCaravan · 13/04/2017 16:06

I've got a 20yo DS who is away most of the time at uni now. When he's at home he sits next to me for cuddles, he hugs the life out of me all the time and texts at least half a dozen times a day when he's not here.

He's always been that way. We've been close since he was tiny. He's outgoing, confident, socialable and has loads of friends.

DS1(22) is more inclined to give me a hug, kiss the top of my head and rub my head.

If your DS isn't 'normal' whatever the fuck that is, then neither is mine, OP.

Aridane · 13/04/2017 16:08

Update makes it sound less Norman / Norma Bates

BeastofCraggyIsland · 13/04/2017 16:10

Random brief hugs are one thing, but sitting on your parents' laps at 20 years old is weird. I get a mental image of David Walliams doing the 'bitty' sketch in Little Britain.

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