To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

[Happyhippy45]

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

I'm not sure where the "he does my personal care" came from.
He doesn't. Ffs.

I find this thread a little too self congratulatory.
It's not all or nothing in terms of adult members being affectionate. There are varying degrees and other ways to show a family you care without cuddling up on the sofa and hand holding.

Absolutely! I couldn't be any closer to my mum but we don't hug. I have a relationship with my mum that many people envy because it really is lovely. Like I said above, I am much closer to my mum than my husband is to his and they are a very huggy family. My children are very close to me but we don't hug, well the teens don't, although my 15 year old had a cuddle when he had his first heartbreak recently.

The OP has already said she knows that you can be very close without physical affection, but other people's replies are making it come across that they think a lack of physical affection means a lack of great relationships.

Sitting on daddy's lap because you feel the need for daddy is really strange though.

I was actually talking to yourself hippy and then referring to wherestheli1ght as she was talking about sitting on her dads knee.

Haven't rtt but my son is 10, and is like this. He loves to hold hands, whether at home cuddling on the sofa or out and about. It's just very natural, and I love how comfortable it is. I would never want this to change, although it might I know. I think your son sounds lovely, and very secure and comfortable in your relationship with one another.
Some people haven't been brought up like that though, and may feel awkward.

My 9yo DS1 does the hand thing. He'll pick my hands up and play with them, either doing the finger interlacing thing, or patting my hand, or something. It's another level of connection while he's talking to me. He'll come up to me and try to take both my hands sometimes, I think that's just a signal to me to listen to him without being distracted by other stuff.

He sounds like a lovely son.

Probably a bit late to include that he also behaves like this with his sister, aunty, granny's (my mum, not my mil though)

Haven't RTFT so I don't know if it escalated wildly but I thought I'd offer my opinion, for what it's worth.

When I was reading your post I thought you were going to say your DS was 11 or 13. In my mind, 20 is a bit old for holding your hand for chats, though the cuddling and hugging, sitting together and even jokingly sitting on your lap doesn't make me at an eye lid. I'm 27 and I'm still very close with my mum, we hug when I see her or if in need of comfort/emotional support, when we stay at each other's homes we would sit on the same sofa together, probably not snuggle up but maybe.

I think he does sound a bit young in himself but it's nice he's so unselfconscious and openly affectionate towards you.

Out of interest, is he just like it with you? Or with your DH/other close family?

Just seen your above post

Haven't read the whole thread. Just wanted to say I think it's lovely and must reflect what a good relationship you have with your son. My brother isn't quite like that with my Mum but is affectionate and very open with her about everything. Me and my sisters, we're all in our thirties, kiss and hug her all the time. I think people who think it's weird are probably missing out!

Omg I'm nearly 30 with 2 DC and hold my mums hand occasionally. We also cuddle on the sofa if I'm staying at their house for the evening. It's not weird at all it's lovely to feel so comfortable with your family! Can't believe how many people think this is wrong, how very sad .

Probably a bit late to include that he also behaves like this with his sister, aunty, granny's (my mum, not my mil though) grin

That's really not any better... I can imagine future partners are going to be creeped out!

Lovely affectionate relationship. I am 31 and do all of these with my mum (minus the sitting in her laps cos I'm much taller and find it awkward). If we are sitting waiting for something/someone, my mum will often play with my fingers/nails and I used to hold hands with my sister whilst out walking until we were in our early 20s. My sister doesnt do much hugging but I do...with all my close loved ones. If I have a son, I'll pray for an affectionate one.

Poor lad sounds suffocated

You lucky, lucky woman OP. I would give my right arm to have my older dc to treat me with the love and respect your d's gives you. He obviously adores you and cares enough about you to be involved in your life and conversations. Mine are only happy when they're glued to screens. My younger dc are affectionate but it all seems to change when they hit puberty. Or when puberty hits them! Enjoy it and lap it up. Cherish every moment. If he stopped doing it you'd be devastated.

He sounds lovely. My nearly 19 year old dd still snuggles up next to me on the sofa.

Immature behaviour to me. Lovely to have any child who cares about you but, say he was married and came to visit would you expect same behaviour from him?. Think you need to be a bit less accommodating to some of his actions.

I think it's lovely and everyone is different. I used to work with a mum and son the son was in his 20s and he was always cuddling his mum and they had an amazing relationship always laughing and joking. My dd who is nearly 18 sits on my lap for cuddles and likes me to stroke her arms always loved this when she was a child. My other dd 14 wouldn't dream of even giving me a cuddle. I would not take any notice of anyone saying it's not normal.

I sat on my 74year old dad's knee after my mums funeral at the gathering later on. I had some odd looks but I totally reverted to a young emotional needy daughter and it was the only thing that comforted me that day. Haven't done it since but I hug him all the time and cuddle up to him on the sofa. I think it's lovely to be like that. My son is very affectionate and he is 14. Hope he doesn't change. Enjoy the unconditional love

I haven't RTFT but has there been a big reveal that the 20 year boy who sits on his mum's lap and works in the family business is actually a tabby cat who catches mice in their shop? Otherwise it all seems a bit odd. Nothing wrong with being affectionate with parents, but the way it is being expressed seems a bit weird.

"Bitty"

Some families are tactile, some less so, some individuals are tactile, some less so. I really don't see how we can draw any conclusions about the maturity or neediness or anything else pertaining to the OPs ds, without knowing more about their interactions in general.