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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
228agreenend · 13/04/2017 17:04

Holding hands and sitting on your lap is slightly weird. The cuddles and hugs are affectionate.

Cary2012 · 13/04/2017 17:05

Each to their own. If you're both ok with it, then fine it's nothing to do with others.

My nearly 20 yr old DS never holds my hand or cuddles/hugs me, but we are very close and have a good relationship. And if he tried to sit on my lap just for a laugh I'd be a goner, he's 6'2" and twice my size Grin

Batgirlspants · 13/04/2017 17:06

Your second post is a bit different to your original one though op.

The first one was a bit wierd where the follow up one seemed more normal

FrancisCrawford · 13/04/2017 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gottagetmoving · 13/04/2017 17:08

Make the most of it. My son was affectionate (although he didn't hold my hand or sit on my knee) even in front of his friends.
It all changed when he met his girlfriend (now wife) because she is jealous of any relationship he has apart from theirs. Hmm

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:10

springflowers
"Emotionally needy mother" How? I don't go looking or asking for his affection.

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 13/04/2017 17:12

Sounds like he's just being affectionate to me - the "sitting on the lap" sounds jokey - you said it doesn't happen all the time. He's probably just acting a bit daft (20 may be adult, but it is still young enough to be silly!).

It annoys me that people claim that behaviour that they don't (for whatever reason) approve of isn't "normal". Just because they, or their child, doesn't act in an openly affectionate manner, it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with it.

You are happy, your son is happy; he has friends his own age; he has a social life; his behaviour isn't sordidly intimate - it's just lovingly affectionate.

Enjoy your relationship - you must be a lovely mam1

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 13/04/2017 17:14

I think you're a bit doomed because you've posted on a British forum and I can practically see a raft of posters recoiling in pure horror at the thought of any physical contact whatsoever. "Good god, we don't do that kind of thing round here! Shake hands and be done with it!"

Anyway, I think it sounds wonderfully sweet, and if you and he are comfortable, then I don't see why anything should change. I can see how it might make future GFs pause for thought in a "who's the main woman in his life?" kind of way, but if, as you say, he's more restrained around them then he already seems to be on top of that.

DameDeDoubtance · 13/04/2017 17:19

It's fine, huggings epic. It is because he is male so other people think he should be all tough and grrrr like. Utter bollocks.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:20

forthesakeof yup, he doesn't dote on me and I don't smother him.
I can envisage being kicked to the wayside when/if he gets married.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:23

Thanks *happyflappy"

Yup, what's normal for us might seem strange to others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:27

It's fine, huggings epic. It is because he is male so other people think he should be all tough and grrrr like. Utter bollocks.

Yes! He's not in to football/any sports or "manly" activities. He's comfortable with who he is. He had a very tough time at school for not fitting into the mould.

OP posts:
katronfon · 13/04/2017 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetcarolines · 13/04/2017 17:42

He sounds lovely, and it sounds like you have a lovely, respectful relationship. Congratulations on raising such a nice young man!

AmysTiara · 13/04/2017 17:45

My thirteen year old is quite like this and I could imagine him being the same at 20.

So I think it's nice Grin

NotInMyBackYard1 · 13/04/2017 17:45

I'm 33 and would happily sit on my dads lap - i think I might squash him though so compromise and sit next to him on the sofa and have cuddle. I can't see anything wrong with that?
I kiss and hug my mum all the time, she likes to link arms with me when we walk anywhere together. She's the same with my younger brother, although he finds it a bit stifling!
I can't see anything wrong with what you describe OP.

IAmTheWorwax · 13/04/2017 17:48

It sounds like a lovely relationship OP.
I wonder if you would get the same responses if he was a she?

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:54

I am glad my DCs haven't felt the need to act aloof, pretend they don't like their parents, actually dislike their parents etc. And I agree with you, if I was dating someone I'd prefer to see that they were adult enough to, and had the confidence to, demonstrate affection towards their parents.
Growing up I always admired/was a bit jealous of friends who got home from school etc and gave their mum or dad a hug. Didn't happen in my house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 17:56

I wonder if you would get the same responses if he was a she?
Yeah maybe a different response from those who think it odd.

OP posts:
SparklyUnicornPoo · 13/04/2017 17:56

I think it sounds fairly normal and quite sweet, I'm 28 and hug my mum and hold her hand, will cuddle up with her to watch a film etc, so do my brothers and sisters (12, 13, 14, 17, 19, 29 and 38) Mum's tiny and been quite ill so we don't sit on her lap for fear of squashing her, I can imagine my huge brothers doing it for a joke if she were stronger though.

DH holds his mums hand occasionally and hugs her hello/goodbye, or if she looks like she needs a hug too, I don't think they cuddle up though, or at least i don't remember having seen it but then if I'm with them both so is DD and DD gets all MIL's attention.

BabychamSocialist · 13/04/2017 17:59

It does sound weird but if it works for you, go for it.

I'd find the holding hand and lap-sitting a bit tiresome, but both DS1 and DS2 still come and cuddle up to me or DP on the sofa watching TV, and they're 16, so there's nothing wrong with that.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 18:02

Heartwarming to know so many of you have ditched the stiff upper lip/don't show affection/emotions of our Britishness.
My son spent from age 2-12 living in the USA. Men hug men. Dad's kiss sons and there's nothing odd/gay about it.
My DH went straight back to shaking hands only when he moved back here. He slipped up a few times and went in for a hug. Very awkward.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 13/04/2017 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UtterBankers · 13/04/2017 18:03

Both my children do cuddles, snuggling, and even occasionally lap sitting and they are 24 (DS) and 19 (DD). When DD was at primary school and came home I would be sitting working at my desk and she would come in and sit on my knee for a cuddle and tell me about her day. Now she's working she still occasionally comes in and does it, mainly for a laugh, but she's more likely to if she's had a hard day. If she's feeling low she'll sometimes like to come and snuggle in bed with me in the morning.

DS is huggy with me and DH, he'll give me a cuddle on the sofa, lean against me while we chat, give me high fives, etc. All his mates are the same about the hugs, so when they came round at the weekend I got a series of lovely hugs from them. So when I read the OP I thought "sounds like us"

This is just how we are as a family and we love it shrugs

Daydream007 · 13/04/2017 18:05

Sounds lovely to me and he adores his mum. Be proud, you are a great mum to have such an emotionally sound lad who has such a good bond with you.