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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
katronfon · 13/04/2017 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isadoradancing123 · 13/04/2017 19:28

I would not be comfortable with this at all but each to his own

0dfod · 13/04/2017 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessHairyMclary · 13/04/2017 20:42

I guess it depends on the family, my family have always been very close and affectionate and this would be completely normal. Although neither my brother (26) nor I (30) have partners so perhaps we wouldn't be if we did. However I'm a single mum, live down the road and see them everyday and he has severe social anxiety and still lives at home.

Used to drive my Aunt crazy when she'd see us being affectionate although she not very affectionate ( or kind) to her own children.

Grilledaubergines · 13/04/2017 20:56

isadora mind me asking? Why would you feel uncomfortable?

hunibuni · 13/04/2017 21:09

Huh, I'm posting this with Dsis (30) squashed besides me despite a whole free sofa and DS (20) lying with his head on my lap. All of my side of the family are tactile and hold hands when walking etc. Dad finds it funny that both of my sisters hold his hands when they go out together and we're all in stable long term relationships etc. DS always links arms with me if we're out and won't drop it if he sees his friends (although DH has a theory that it's a way to make sure the shopping trips end quickly because DS is doi g the steering lol). DD is a complete limpet as well, and I hope they won't change any time soon.

Roussette · 13/04/2017 21:12

OP... hmmm.... on this...

yes it is very British to not be affectionate

Who says?!

I don't agree. Maybe in the previous generation and the one before that but times have changed I can promise you! My now adult kids (mix of sexes) are very affectionate with me! Whichever one I'm with we link arms when walking, sometimes hold hands, we cuddle because we are close! My DSS hugs his mates, it's not unusual.

However, no bloody way would they be sitting on my lap except if they were mucking about as it would be very uncomfortable!

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 21:21

rousette
Yes, historically British......Yup, it's a good thing that it's changing.

OP posts:
ComputerUserNotTrained · 13/04/2017 21:33

I am genuinely envious. My 16yo stopped being affectionate years ago Sad

Monkeychopsticks · 13/04/2017 22:19

I love this! My nearly 16yo boy is very affectionate and tactile, lots of hugs, kisses, hand holding. I've never discouraged this as it makes him who he is, and I love him. I think it's lovely that he still wants to show you that much affection. I'd make the most of it, it might not always be this way Smile

DixieNormas · 13/04/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/04/2017 23:01

IMO that's a little 'unusual'. I can't imagine a grown adult behaving like this with their parents.

But then tactile people generally scare the shit out of me so I could be biased

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/04/2017 23:02

And I'm close to my parents but I still got pissed off at new year when they both hugged me...

mylittlephoney · 13/04/2017 23:07

I only wish my ds will be like this in 13 years time. I'll be lucky if he hasn't killed me ( not joking ) enjoy your loving not

mylittlephoney · 13/04/2017 23:08

Boy not not fucking spell check.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/04/2017 23:11

dont your DCs' partners find it a little odd? I think it would be enough to put me off a potential partner.

MadMags · 13/04/2017 23:13

Your follow up posts are vastly different to your OP!

I don't think it's weird. I wouldn't want him for a boyfriend but it's not like it's incestuous or anything, in case that's what you're worrying about??

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 13/04/2017 23:13

Ds1 at 18 is similar

More play fighting and i get cuddles

Only just stopped kissing me good night in the lips

Sits on my lap very occasionally...he fell down the stairs the other day and sat on my lap then

GrassIsJewelled · 13/04/2017 23:18

I hope I have the same affectionate and caring relationship with my son when he's 20, 30, 40....! Don't listen to negative people.

LovingLola · 13/04/2017 23:19

Have you ever asked him why he still does this? My son is 20 and there is no way he would do any of those things. He is a well rounded young adult man with a good sense of his own boundaries and I would think it very odd if he sat on my lap or held my hand when talking to me...

CanadaMoose91 · 13/04/2017 23:28

My brothers and I all do this with my mom. Not tons of hand holding, but high fives, hugs, cuddles while watching tv, and sitting on her to make her laugh. We are normal, I swear!

She's just the kind of person who is open to that and raised us to be ok with affection. All three of us are married or in longterm relationships, and have perfectly normal lifestyles. Hell, I live a continent away from my mom!

It's normal, just unusual. Fear not.

Zhan · 13/04/2017 23:32

My eldest son is 18 and if he came to sit on my lap whilst talking to me I'd think something was wrong with him!

I'm all for showing our feelings but there is a line and a 20 year old sitting in his mums knee clearly crosses it!

SuperBeagle · 13/04/2017 23:44

He sounds like Buster Bluth from Arrested Development.

ZackyVengeance · 13/04/2017 23:47

omg op can we be freinds
i thought i was the only mum in the world who had and adult dc who doesn't drink or smoke

Zhan · 13/04/2017 23:49

Why am I getting "Little Britain" flashbacks in my head 😂