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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
BurnTheBlackSuit · 13/04/2017 16:15

No problem as such, but..

I'm wondering what happens when he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Will he carry on sitting on your lap, cuddling you and holding your hand? I imagine girlfriend will find this pretty uncomfortable.

Or will he suddenly stop doing it, and if he does, will you resent her for having come between you?

MrsMozart · 13/04/2017 16:20

My just adult DDs do the same things.

We're happy and most of their friends do the same with their mums.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:24

Re: when he brings a girlfriend home. He has done and he is a bit more reserved. I get a hug but not the handholding. He also involves me in their conversation before they go out/go to his room. He doesn't act embarrassed of me......never has tbh. In high school if I drove past him and his friends at lunch time he'd be waving at me. Some of his friends joined in too lol.
Personally if I was dating I would like to see them have a good relationship with their mum and not be embarrassed about showing affection.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:25

beasts the sitting on my lap is for a laugh

OP posts:
ohnothisisme · 13/04/2017 16:26

It sounds like you're backtracking a bit TBH after people started saying it's weird.

Going by your first post, yes that does sound very weird for a 20 year old to do.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:27

I said in my op "he sits on my lap kind of for a laugh." How am I back tracking?

OP posts:
RitaMills · 13/04/2017 16:29

I'm envious, my 7 year old won't come near me unless bribed. I just asked for a hug and he farted in my direction Hmm

Sounds like you both have a lovely relationship.

Kokusai · 13/04/2017 16:30

I think it sounds nice OP

ohnothisisme · 13/04/2017 16:30

You said he holds your hand. Then you said it was a high five in passing. Which is it?

SilverdaleGlen · 13/04/2017 16:31

My initial reaction was uncomfortable.

Second was that I could never be with a bloke who did that, nor would I want that kind of contact with someone, and would not be like it with my mum.

Third was to think how unbelievably BRITISH my parents raised me to be!

summerfling · 13/04/2017 16:32

Tbh even a daughter sitting on your lap or holding your hand whilst talking would be an unusual sight at 20.

Im 27, have my own child & still sit on my mothers lap!
Okay, I haven't done it for a while as I put on a considerable amount of weight.

It's called affection.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 13/04/2017 16:33

I think he sounds lovely. I hold my Mums hand too. We went on holiday last week and were were paddling in the sea holding hands. Sod what other people think.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:33

ohnoitsme he does both

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 13/04/2017 16:33

Well done on bringing up a son comfortable with physical affection. My 18 year old son often hugs me and when we watch telly together he lets me cuddle up to him. He puts his arm around me, sometimes, when we are out.

All these people saying it is weird want husband's who are affectionate but don't realise this is a learnt skill like most everything else.

kmc1111 · 13/04/2017 16:33

It sounds more normal now you've clarified (I was picturing you guys holding hands for an hour while you chat, which would be very weird). He just sounds like an extremely affectionate person.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:35

Thanks mouse
I'm hoping his ability to be affectionate will serve him well in future relationships!

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/04/2017 16:36

All these people saying it is weird want husband's who are affectionate but don't realise this is a learnt skill like most everything else.

Tbf a lot of those comments came before the OP clarified changed her OP.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 16:40

silverdale yes it is very British to not be affectionate.
I'm not and never have been that affectionate with my parents.
It's took me many years to reply "I love you too" to my mum. With my dad I tell him though text and even that's uncomfortable!
My DH who is in his 50s still hasn't said it to his mum.

OP posts:
Etaina · 13/04/2017 16:42

I think he sounds lovely and hope to have such a great relationship with my ds when he's older.

PurpleAlerts · 13/04/2017 16:49

My DD 1 ( 20) does this with both me and her dad although not sitting on our lap) Dd2 (18)also affectionate but less so. We have never thought it odd?

MaidenMotherCrone · 13/04/2017 16:54

The thing is Op not everyone here has warm, loving affectionate relationships with their children so when given a example of one some posters will just say it's weird.

It's not. It's lovely. I have 3 adult sons, we are all very affectionate one of them will hold my hand when we are out and about.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 13/04/2017 16:58

It's lovely. My friends son is the same. He's 18, the same age as my oldest, who won't come near me and finds me a constant embarrassment!

I'm jealous!

springflowers11 · 13/04/2017 16:58

I don't know! This smacks of an emotionally needy mother to me.

Forgettheworld · 13/04/2017 16:59

I'm sorry I do agree it's a bit strange. I saw a girl about 12/13 sat on her dads knee the other day and that made me feel uncomfortable too. This is however coming from someone who never hugs or kisses any of my family apart from DS and DP. I think if he got a girlfriend to bring home she also may find it odd.

OhMrsQ · 13/04/2017 17:02

i'm 42 and last time i was home to see my parents my dad came up and 'tucked me in' when i went to bed.

I think its lovely that your son has that emotional connection. Fuck the haters. Excuse my language

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