Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 14/04/2017 23:43

Is he going to get a pay rise?

Will he ever be able to afford it?

I speak from experience of having a parent who had serious long term illness from when I was young. Living in a house share was the best thing I did. I was still going home every weekend to do their housework and always stayed overnight etc etc, but I was also able to be a silly stupid young person, inviting people back from the pub etc.

Make sure he progresses. Time slips away so fast.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/04/2017 23:44

You shouldn't feel too proud to make your life easier it won't achieve anything other than you struggling more

I know easier for me to say than you to feel that way

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:46

He has more disposable income than me and my husband combined.
He gets a relatively easy life at home. No conflict. Supportive parents......all we ask is he goes to work until he finds something else he wants to do.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 14/04/2017 23:47

I imagine she's referring to personal care, which is a toughie.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:48

*goes to work at the family business until he finds something else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:49

Yeah elspeth personal care like washing and dressing

OP posts:
SuperBeagle · 14/04/2017 23:51

He does your personal care?

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:52

Last thing I want him to do is to feel pressured into putting his life on hold because of me. I don't think I've done that.

OP posts:
SparePantsAndLego · 14/04/2017 23:59

Wow, I am honestly shocked at some of the replies.

OP, we are a very affectionate family and I can only hope my son continues in a similar vein to yours when he grows up - if he wants to, of course!

Your son sounds wonderful. He should be affectionate to his Mum, I certainly am to my parents because I love them very much. Why not show it?

DS is only six but I don't see any issue with this sort of affection, I can't see a point when I'll not want a cuddle/hand hold from him.

WowOoo · 15/04/2017 00:08

Haven't read all the comments but just the Op's and a few others to get the feel of the thread. He sounds lovely, affectionate and I agree there's nothing wrong with it. He sounds like a lucky young man who is happy. Lots his age are struggling financially and confused about what to do.

My eldest cringes sometimes when I give him a hug. I'm jealous!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2017 00:20

Perhaps read the whole thread... OP made a massive dripfeed

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2017 00:26

I don't get this whole drip feed thing, things do develop naturally and bits of info get revealed.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2017 00:28

I think the situation with the OP's personal care/the son working for the family business and living at home is relevant to the relationship she has with her son and perhaps should have been clearer from the stArt

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2017 00:29

TheLuminaries "OP, he still lives at home and works in the family business. To me, that is suffocating, I think young people should cut the apron strings. Obviously you feel differently, which is your perogative but it would worry me. I want my children to grow up to be independent (and they are)."

Surely it's what the adult child wants, not what the parent wants.

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2017 00:30

LiviaDrusillaAugusta "I think the situation with the OP's personal care/the son working for the family business and living at home is relevant to the relationship she has with her son and perhaps should have been clearer from the stArt"

Maybe she did not feel it was relevant.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2017 00:37

So why drop it in later? Her family member was criticising her close relationship with her son. If he is involved with personal care and works for the family business it paints a different picture than just a standard parent/adult child situation.

still odd to hold hands etc though

redoranges · 15/04/2017 02:08

It's not normal Hippy. Not trying to be rude, but looks like you don't practise much boundaries or encourage age appropriate behaviour.

Can you imagine him being married and behaving like this in front of his wife? No wife can understand unless she has also been sitting on her daddy's lap.

RaqsMax · 15/04/2017 02:23

It might not be considered 'normal' by some uptight, non-tactile, reserved types, but guess what? For every one of those, there is another unreserved, tactile, affectionate type!

My Dad is Spanish; we grew up in a loving, demonstrative, tactile family who felt free to express our emotions. Very typical of the Mediterranean culture where lads walk around with their arms slung around their friends necks and families are very openly demonstrative. My sisters and I are now in our 50s and still cuddle our parents, link arms when walking, kiss them freely and tell them and each other how much we love each other.

I have a 16 year old son and 14 year old daughter. They will both sometimes lie alongside me on the sofa to watch telly, have a chat or come for a cuddle. Long may it continue; it would break my heart if my son suddenly felt too 'grown-up' to tell me that he loved me or give me a hug.

OP - don't let anyone make you feel weird about having a close and loving relationship with your boy. It's a beautiful thing....

ElspethFlashman · 15/04/2017 03:31

He's not involved in personal care! She literally just said she wouldn't ask him to do that, perhaps read the thread yourselfLivia!

FairytalesAreBullshit · 15/04/2017 03:46

It was going ok until you said he's 20. I can't imagine either child being that affectionate at 20. I certainly wasnt. Seems a bit odd.

claraschu · 15/04/2017 05:58

He doesn't do personal care! You have not read the thread carefully!

robinia · 15/04/2017 08:14

Now you've described the hand holding I've just realised my son does do that too. Not very often but in exactly the way you describe.

greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2017 09:09

I'm jealous of your mother son relationship! My 3 year old won't give me a cuddle this morning because 'I'm a mummy'!!

TBH it sounds like you may have exaggerated the PDA a bit in the first post thus riling up the oh so perfects on here!!

From what you describe, you have a lovely caring son and as long as he can iron his own shirt and cook his own dinner any woman would be lucky to have him as a fella!

GinUrgentlyRequired · 15/04/2017 09:09

That sounds very much like my 18 year old son Happyhippy. He is very physically affectionate in much the same way as your DS, mostly just to me, but he will hug his dad and sister occasionally, too. He is very thoughtful, too. I think it's lovely! My 14 year old DD acts as though physical contact with me is deadly, so I value it even more now that he is 250 miles away at uni. Nothing wrong with it, IMO.

morbidhamster · 15/04/2017 09:17

Perfectly normal OP, and I'm Hmmat some of the replies saying otherwise.
My 22yo does all of these things. He lives away from home (2nd year university), has travelled extensively alone, has a girlfriend and many hobbies and interests. We're very close, and both quite tactile anyway.
It's no one else's business. Your son sounds lovely.

Swipe left for the next trending thread