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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
imkeepingthisnamenow · 09/04/2017 01:06

Stop buying underage kids alcohol and hope her parents don't decide to make any official complaints about you. For tonight I suppose you need to keep an eye on her to ensure she doesn't choke on her own vomit.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:10

imkeepingthisnamenow well you clearly don't remember what it was like to be a teenager... it's not unusual for parents to buy alcohol for their children and its far more responsible than them finding it from elsewhere. At that age they will find a way to get alcohol- better the parents are monitoring it than getting it elsewhere which could have god knows what in the bottle

ExplodedCloud · 09/04/2017 01:11

She has a phone surely. You ring her parents.

Notso · 09/04/2017 01:11

She must have a phone with parents number or ask one of the other kids.

Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:13

What should you do?!
Well for a start, if you want to be the designated parent who actively lets kids drink under supervision, I suggest you supervise more closely. I know some parents take that on but it is meant to be correctly handled!

You must have had a plan for this?

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:14

Sorry forgot to respond to OP. I can't say this didn't happen to me once or twice around that age at friend's houses. Chances are she'll feel really embarrassed and will (hopefully) apologise to you tomorrow. Is she in the same room as your daughter and her other friends? It may not be a popular opinion but I think (and it is the way my mum thought too) its better they act like this now and learn their limits rather than at 18 and heading off to uni. I had a few unfortunate incidences before I turned 18 so when I went to uni I knew exactly how much I could handle. I remember being sick once at 19, so one time between the age of about 17-now. I would see the girls stumbling over in night clubs and throwing up on the side of the road and was grateful my mum had allowed me to teach myself my own lessons when I was younger!

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 09/04/2017 01:16

What do you mean it was supposed to be for more than one evening? As in your dd was having a whole weekend sleepover and you provided booze to last the entire duration?

What's done is done. Ask your dd to wake her friend and speak to the parents.

This has potential to blow up in your face.

Don't be the 'cool mom' Call her parents however late it might be!

Notso · 09/04/2017 01:16

porterwine it's one thing providing a small amount of alcohol for your own teen to drink under your supervision. I don't think it's very responsible to provide alcohol to other people's children and just leave them to it.

Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:17

Also not sure about leaving her to sleep on her front rather than side but if you're awake and with her then that's different.

peachgreen · 09/04/2017 01:19

porterwine My parents were very relaxed about alcohol but even they would have maybe provided one or two beers for 16-17 year olds, not enough to make someone sick at 15. If I were this girl's parents I'd be furious. I agree that it's sensible to destigmatise alcohol with your own children and of course you can choose the age you wish to do this for your own child. But to leave 15 year olds unsupervised around alcohol is utterly irresponsible.

OP, you need to tell the girl's parents what happened and be prepared to accept the consequences.

relaxo · 09/04/2017 01:21

My children are a similar age.
Providing alcohol means a couple of cans of cider here. Certainly not enough to puke unless I've heard wrong. Then again, there always seems to be one kid who smuggles in something hard like vodka and gets shit faced.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:22

I just don't see what good calling her parents will do. Is she like passed out, paralytic drunk? If you are concerned for her wellbeing or if she is asking for her parents then call them but otherwise just let her sleep it off and tell them the next day what happened. No point worrying them at this time. I remember going to house parties at that age with people throwing up and parents weren't called..I don't know maybe I'm completely out of touch but I don't think my mum was ever called when I had an "unfortunate" incident at a house party.

Original poster
chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:23

she has a phone but I don't know the passcode. The other kids have left (like, pronto after the puking).

The girl is fine, and DD in same room. She's on her front and has got water and a bucket.

I've recently started buying alcohol for DD for her to share with her friends. She's never been drunk.

When DD was in primary nothing was an issue because we knew the parents. . . We stood next to them waiting for the kids to come out after school. She now has friends where we don't know and can't contact the parents. it all feels very new!

I don't care about her apologising, porta i just need to make sure she's ok tonight, and whether or not I should tell her parents tomorrow when i take her home.

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 09/04/2017 01:24

What the ever loving fuck? You provided alcohol to children?! And were surprised when they misused it?!

If that was my daughter, I'd be furious with you and never let her round yours again. You clearly can't be trusted to act responsibly.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:25

But I suppose some more info would help as others have said. Did you provide them with bottles of spirits or was it beers/alcopops (do teens still drink those??) As relaxo said one of them could well have snuck in some vodka

wrinkleseverywhere · 09/04/2017 01:28

Surely she shouldn't be on her front as, if she vomits, her face will be in it & she could choke. She should be on her side, in the recovery position instead I think.
Do you know what she drank? Was it "just" the alcohol you supplied or did she bring anything else? Was she sober when she arrived at your house or had she already been drinking? Presumably it is the alcohol that has made her drink & not anything else, like a dodgy tummy. What has your daughter told you?

BloomingDaffodil · 09/04/2017 01:28

What kind of household are you running OP?

STOP buying booze for underage kids - it is irresponsible and you seem to be purposefully leading them down a very dark path

What irresponsible shithouse parenting,, if I was the girls mother I would be round your house to rip a strip off you

hmcAsWas · 09/04/2017 01:28

My Y10 dd is 14 - 15 in July (one of the youngest in her year)

Alcohol is not provided by parents in her social group. She and I must be very sheltered

BastardGoDarkly · 09/04/2017 01:28

How do you know her ' parents are aware ' if you don't know them? Do they know she would be drinking while you were out?

I don't think kids of 15/16 having a couple of ciders under supervision is a bad thing, but not all parents would agree, and you weren't supervising, I wouldn't be happy I have to say.

Are you sure she's finished puking? I'd be worried all night i think Confused

KoalaDownUnder · 09/04/2017 01:28

This is bizarre.

Letting them have a glass of wine with dinner is one thing.

Leaving a group of 15-year-olds with enough alcohol to make them puke, and going out for the night? Wtf were you thinking??

BloomingDaffodil · 09/04/2017 01:30

She now has friends where we don't know and can't contact the parents. it all feels very new!
I hope the parents are raving lunatics and turn up on your door for putting their daughter in danger

CauliflowerSqueeze · 09/04/2017 01:32

Did you provide them with cigarettes as well?

Original poster
chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:34

DD on holiday for 2 weeks. She has a VERY busy life with lots of sport, but her social life is important to her. We think her sport stuff is great for her, so we support it, but we also think her social life is important and we support that too.

Which means we've been buying alcohol for her to share with her friends. Typically, euro beers (2%)

So in stock because it's the holidays I've got 4 x bottles of a citrus lager another 4 x bottles of a citrus lager. 2 bottles of premium cru cider and there's prosecco in the fridge. Nothing of a high alcohol volume.

Before 10:30 they drank 4 bottles of citrus lagar, opened a bottle of presecco but hardly touched it and drank the cider.

This was supposed to last the holidays. There were 9 of them, but 4 left before we got home.

I started another thread about what time we should be sending her to bed, and the MN consensus was that she'd leave home and hate me forever if I didn't chill/butt out and give her more responsibility.

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:35

Ah, not just me thinking you should move her to the recovery position then.

As for telling her parents, well that's up to you. If they knew she was drinking, did they think she'd have more supervision? If they dudnt know at all then they will be furious.

I am baffled you got yourself in this position but don't seem to have any idea how you want to handle it.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/04/2017 01:35

They've sneaked more in then.