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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
user1489677782 · 09/04/2017 03:07

I really would not be pleased if my DC had gone to a sleep over and been provided with alcohol by an adult. That is worse than the alcohol being provided by a C of similar age.
The OP said that she purchased the alcohol for the group and that is illegal (unless that has changed recently). Teenagers used to ask people in the street to buy booze for them. Many adults refused because of the law about buying alcohol for a minor.
I think the OP should contact that parents in case of any medical issues because in one post she mentioned (I think) that the girl threw up and passed out. That could be shock, or diabetic coma, or inhaled vomit. More responsible adulting is required by the OP

differentnameforthis · 09/04/2017 03:09

The law may state that it isn't illegal in this case, but she should still be getting parental permission and not letting "randoms" drink in her house.

If young people aged 15 to 17 years consume alcohol, it should always be with the guidance of a parent or carer or in a supervised environment.

lalalalyra · 09/04/2017 03:11

It's not against the law for an under 16 to drink alcohol at home or on other private place (like another home).

tobee · 09/04/2017 03:12

User look up about alcohol, the age under the law. It hasn't changed recently. You are misinformed. It would be illegal if they were under 4 years old.

tobee · 09/04/2017 03:14

Sorry 4 and under.

Touchmybum · 09/04/2017 03:18

I would have been absolutely furious if my 15 year old had got drunk in a friend's house, and she would never have been allowed back! I have a 20 year old and an 18 year old and they have been 'allowed' to drink in an age appropriate way, and 15 is wayyy too young! No parents ever supplied any alcohol before they were 17. DD1 has always been sensible; DD2 has come home pissed a couple of times. I also have a 13 year old and there is no way on god's green earth that I would be providing alcohol for 15 year olds; are you mad?!

I think you are going to have to stay awake for the night and check the child for whom you are responsible!!

Graphista · 09/04/2017 03:18

Yea I'm a child of an alcoholic too, he was raised in a home also with an alcoholic but was raised with alcohol forbidden in the home and told never to drink ever - that worked Hmm

I hardly drink, my view is same as lalalalyras if they're gonna do it, monitor it and help them do it safely - THIS (what op's done) is not that.

Graphista · 09/04/2017 03:20

Op's not been back and will no doubt name change again. Just hope child in recovery position, is safe and parents have been called.

Touchmybum · 09/04/2017 03:20

Re-reading your OP, the child might even be 14... wtf is wrong with your head?

Topseyt · 09/04/2017 03:31

Since when did starting to relax a little more about bedtime mean letting all other discipline or rules go out of the window? Confused

If you were allowing alcohol in your house you should have been there, so that that least had some idea what was going on.

You seem to have trouble identifying any sort of middle way. You lurch from one extreme to another.

Relaxing about bedtime doesn't mean letting them get pissed.

Of course it is possible that they sneaked other stuff in too, but if you had been around you would have had much more chance of sussing out what state they were in and therefore what they were up to.

user1489677782 · 09/04/2017 03:37

I cant imagine giving alcohol to a 5 or 6 yo child. Even if I was told by some senior law official that it was not illegal I still would not give a child that young alcohol. I would not give a 5 yo coffee!

ddssdd · 09/04/2017 03:41

op, in the kindest way, you are clueless.

You made more of a fuss regarding your child's bedtime because, paraphrasing "she is so busy, plays a lot of sport & I facilitate this because my husband can't drive..."

And then this: Buying alcohol for your daughter & underage friends to drink, unsupervised.

Oh, let me guess, you're now "facilitating" her social life Hmm

Go and get a clue. Now.

LakieLady · 09/04/2017 03:42

Wow, as someone who was allowed to drink moderate amounts at home and at friends/family parties from about 14, I'm a bit taken aback by the reaction to this.

I also wouldn't be telling the child's parents, I'm afraid. If they're as horrified as most of the posters upthread, they might go ballistic and flame OP all over social media or, even worse, come round and give her a hard time. Hopefully, the child will have learned a lesson, albeit the hard way. I certainly did!

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 09/04/2017 03:42

I don't have any advice, I don't know what my view on this will be when my kids reach their teen years. All I know is throughout the whole of high school me and my school friends would be on the local park getting drunk every Friday and Saturday. I was spiked on more than one occasion, taken home by police, ran over due to poor judgement, taken home by ambulance.
Nothing stopped us drinking but I do feel it would have been safer for us if we had the option of going to one of our houses and having a couple of drinks. And to be honest, if it wasn't so forbidden I probably wouldn't have done it so much.

GinIsIn · 09/04/2017 03:43

You can't possibly be for real. Hmm

People on your other thread told you that 15 was old enough not to be forced to bed at 9pm, not that you should ply minors with alcohol and leave them unsupervised!!!

Whatever parenting classes it is you give, I can only hope it's not of human beings. Hmm

thisagain · 09/04/2017 03:47

DD2 is 14. Has never had alcohol or shown any interest in it, because she's a child. I have never considered saying to her when going to a sleep over "will there be alcohol?" because it hadn't even crossed my mind that any parent would ever feel that it was acceptable. Also, I don't agree that if they aren't allowed alcohol young then they get silly with it later. DD1 is 22 and despite going through university, has never shown a great interest in alcohol. She will have a few drinks at parties and will sometimes drink wine with her boyfriend but I have never seen her drunk and was always the sensible one when out at uni, making sure her very drunk friends were ok. I think seeing some of them was enough to put her off excessive drinking to be honest. She doesn't equate alcohol with socialising.

FairytaleOfSkegness · 09/04/2017 03:50

I wouldn't tell her parents unless you are friends with them as you don't know how they will react. That's shit advice, op. If you are scared of how they will react, don't let their child consume enough booze while in your care as to make her get in this state.

I didn't mean OP would be scared as to how parents would react , I meant how they would react to the girl in question. Ultimately I agree they are far too young to be drinking unsupervised but my parents would have hit the wall and not in a way that promoted a healthy attitude to drinking alcohol.

Of course it could be the exact opposite and do them the world of good! If possible I would try and have a chat with said girl in the morning. If indeed you ate the "cool" mum it could actually have far more impact than her parents could ever hope for

user1491572121 · 09/04/2017 03:50

If that was my child I would honestly call the police and report you for that.

You sound like a complete twat OP. Who the hell does that!?!?

These are children! YOu are an adult! I'd be SO furious!

user1489677782 · 09/04/2017 03:57

thisagain has said it exactly.
Some people think that there are ways of having a good night out or in without having to get drunk. When any socialising is done it always seems to involve alcohol. Why is alcohol so essential to life these days especially as we have heard on here of various people getting into some pretty bad states. Is a good night judged by the intensity of the hangover or how many times the person puked.
I know a lot of people who deal with the aftermath of those who drink too much and some of the things I have heard are awful. 14 year old girls so incapable that they cant stand and have wet themselves.
It is not nice for those who have to deal with this as part of a job.

Topseyt · 09/04/2017 04:04

I wouldn't be telling the parents either, though I would make clear to the girls involved, including your own DD, how disappointed you are in them for abusing the trust you placed in them

Calling the police would be an extreme reaction. They wouldn't be interested. No crime was committed. It isn't illegal to allow teenagers to drink at home.

You should have been there though, in the background in case things began getting out of hand. You weren't.

Graphista · 09/04/2017 04:05

Op is an adult with her health not at risk right now.

The CHILD is sick op has no idea re potential medical issues, it's not her child ABSOLUTELY the child's parents need to be contacted.

CaptainWarbeck · 09/04/2017 04:06

The thing is, 15 isn't a child, really. 15 is a young person learning about how to be an adult eventually. Kids don't get to 18 and suddenly become responsible overnight without any practice at it.

That said, I think if you're going to be a parent who supplies alcohol for your kids and their friends, you need to have thought a bit more about it. Talk to your daughter about you supplying a small amount being a privilege, that will be removed if people abuse it by bringing in spirits or extra alcohol. Make sure she knows how to recognise when she or someone else has had too much and what to do.

And be there. They are still learning. If something goes wrong, like tonight, they need a responsible adult to go to for help.

I'd put the friend in the recovery position, make sure she has lots of water available, check on her through the night and when you drop her back home in the morning, have a word with her parents to let them know what happened. If you're not happy to justify your decision to provide alcohol to other people, you shouldn't be doing it.

But I think you've had a bit of a hard time here OP. Just make sure the kids you're responsible for are safe in the future, and you're around.

feathermucker · 09/04/2017 04:07

When you are providing so much alcohol that it makes one of the teenagers this I'll, then you have to question the appropriateness of your actions.

This is a lot different to your own child having a drink or two under your supervision at home of an evening. This is your child and her friends having access to too much alcohol!! Surely you can see this?!

And you say you don't really know her friends?! Yet you're still happy for them to get drunk under what is effectively your charge?!

I'm all for introducing alcohol responsibly, but this is too much!

feathermucker · 09/04/2017 04:11

On a practical note, depending on her state of consciousness, I would have stayed up with her....at least for a while.

SpareASquare · 09/04/2017 04:13

done parenting classes, thanks. Also deliver them

Bullshit. You wouldn't be providing underage children alcohol if this were true. You wouldn't be so desperate to be the 'cool' mum.

I'm actually a pretty chilled parent compared to a lot of what I read on here but if I found out that some other parent provided my CHILD with alcohol I would be furious. My CHILD would not be going back and I'd probably consider involving the police. Hopefully this childs parents feel the same.

Want to give your own child alcohol? Fine. Provide it for mine, especially unsupervised? No. That you didn't contact her parents when she was puking is so fucking irresponsible you clearly have no idea.

This thread is fucking unbelievable