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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:36

I am genuinely quite surprised by some of the comments and am questioning my whole teenage-hood. I would say I was fairly sheltered (Went to a very small, 'twee' all girls private school until I was 16) but we definitely went to parties where alcohol was provided by the parents. I vividly remember going shopping with my mum for a Christmas party I was having in year 11 and buying the drinks! There'd always be a table with drinks on and sometimes we'd bring our own too and people would be chucking up often because they'd have snuck in their own vodka or whatever else. It was just part of being that age. Honestly some of you are talking like your children are saints..if you really don't think your 15/16 year olds are drinking then you need to open your eyes a bit.

VimFuego101 · 09/04/2017 01:36

If my DS was drinking at that age at a friend's house, I would have expected that the parents checked with me a) if it was ok that he drank at all and b) what exactly he was allowed to drink. If that was done and he still ended up being sick I would come and deal with it, but if the parent in charge didn't check with me first, I'd be furious.

Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:37

X post
You're the mum of the controlling bedtime but didn't supervise kids with alcohol?
WTAF?!

Notso · 09/04/2017 01:38

Her parents might not even know where she is or that she is drinking. If my 15 year daughter was throwing up in someone's house drunk I would certainly want to know about it.

Rawr · 09/04/2017 01:38

Where I'm from these 'kids' would be considered adults at the age of 16. Stop being so uptight, atleast she'll learn from this and was in a safe environment instead of an alleyway.

JorahsMissus · 09/04/2017 01:39

You provide alcohol for your 15 year old? I'm sorry but this is ridiculous! And I do have a 15 year old myself, if he was at a mates and the parents provided the alcohol I would be livid. And I'd report them for it. And believe me, I am not easily shocked or live with my head in the sand but 15 is ridiculous.

Original poster
chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:41

OMG, you all think I'm neglectful..... You should see the posts I got when I suggested sending my DD to bed at 9 o'clock. They were even angrier! They said she'd leave home at the earliest opportunity and never talk to me again because I am so controlling.

I clearly can't get it right. But I hope you'll all have a word with them.

BloomingDaffodil, worry not... your child isn't here!

Thank you all so much for the support when I'm worried and trying to make sure a child is ok.

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 09/04/2017 01:41

Are you being deliberately stupid, OP? There's a difference between not giving her a bedtime, and providing alcohol.

Supporting her social life is great. Giving her alcohol is not. It's irresponsible. I would alert the police that you were supplying it to underage kids.

hmcAsWas · 09/04/2017 01:43

My Y10 is definitely not drinking. My eyes are wide open thanks. Hasn't been to any parties - her friends haven't had them at her school (small independent). I suspect this will change when she goes to Sixth Form College with a wider social circle

Y10 is too young imo

Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:46

I saw those posts
If you can't tell the difference between setting a bedtime and giving guidance around alcohol, I despair. Maybe you should look at parenting classes or something, how you can relate that thread to this one is beyond me.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:47

Your daughter doesn't go to parties? Crikey. 16th house parties were pretty much a given at my (also small independent) school.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 09/04/2017 01:48

Ok well then for future clarity I would say that managing a bedtime is not very important at age 15. But managing alcohol consumption is.

Goldfishjane · 09/04/2017 01:48

And to reiterate
It's not the giving of alcohol I object to but there's a whole way of handling this, esp with someone else kids involved and you appear totally clueless.

Original poster
chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:50

done parenting classes, thanks. Also deliver them.

Know absolutely how to listen to my child

Sometimes you get great advice on here.

Sometimes you don't.

Still hoping for advice about how to support a child rather than just criticism of me.

OP posts:
shereebobbins · 09/04/2017 01:50

Just keep your eye on the kid, she'll be fine.
I suppose a lesson learned here for you. Providing alcohol for your own kid is one thing but I wouldn't give it to other kids. Some year 10's are only 14.
I think you're in for a long night.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 01:53

How sick is she? Is she still throwing up? There's different levels of drunk. Did she throw up and then immediately pass out? Did she continue throwing up for hours? The best you can do is what you've done. Leave her with a bucket and some water and make sure someone is near her if she needs them. Chances are she'll be completely fine.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 09/04/2017 01:54

Yes tell the parents when you drop her home. But in a matter of fact way.
Supervise alcohol intake of underage drinkers.
I agree with a bedtime, didnt see other thread. Id go for 10pm lights out.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 09/04/2017 01:55

Recovery position - easy to do.

SpreadYourHappiness · 09/04/2017 01:57

When you put yourself out there, OP, you have to accept what comes. Pretty much everyone is telling you how irresponsible and inappropriate it is to give underage children alcohol, yet you're just glossing over that because you don't want to acknowledge just how much in the wrong you actually are.

Twinkie1 · 09/04/2017 01:58

I think it's really sad and irresponsible of you to equate letting your DD have a social life to it including alcohol.

The fact that she is under the age means that her social life, supported by you, shouldn't include alcohol.

If I were the mother of the girl you have put in danger you would be on the receiving end of a very angry conversation about your responsibility to my daughter whist she is in your home and how you really shouldn't be making the decision as to whether it's ok to supply my child with alcohol.

lalalalyra · 09/04/2017 02:00

You can't be the parent that lets them drink in your house if you are not going to be home. Precisely because this happens - someone will always, always try to sneak in spirits. Always.

You need to get in touch with her parents.

And if you ever decide to be that parent again then you need to take the responsibility you are taking on seriously. My house is the one the kids drink in - I'm always in, bags are left in the kitchen with me, I MUST have spoken to a parent before anyone is allowed to spend the evening/night here when there is alcohol involved and the two people who tried to sneak in spirits last year are banned from my house on these occasions (and DS is now 17 and the ban stands). Some parents don't allow their children to come (their choice) and some kids choose to drink in the park because of my spirits ban (their choice) and for those that do spend the evening here regularly it's a safe environment for them to do what teenagers do.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 02:01

None of you actually know the situation though in regard to OP's daughter's friends. OP, when your daughter goes to their houses is there alcohol? Would the parents of the girl throwing up have drinks in their house for friends? You're all assuming that OP's daughter's friends are sheltered little angels. For all your know the girl throwing up has a mother who plies her with sodding vodka and a few beers is tame!

sobeyondthehills · 09/04/2017 02:03

Op

I remember your last thread and you have gone from one extreme to another.

With regards to the girl, make sure she is in the right position as PP have posted. Tell her parents, personally I wouldn't leave the responsibility of this girl on your DD. If you can move one or the other and you watch over this girl. Chances are she is going to sleep through, wake up tomorrow with a hangover (although I didn't get hang overs till 30) but she will be thirsty, so have water available. Wouldn't give her painkillers till you have spoken to her parents.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 02:06

Also has anyone considered that perhaps the girls in questions and the teens in OP's area are the types to sit in a freezing cold park all night swigging back vodka so perhaps them being at her house was more of a "safe place" for them? I'm not saying this is the case, but you are all so quick to judge and jump on her.

hmcAsWas · 09/04/2017 02:08

My dd is not 16 porterwine. There are only 25 students in her Year group - the school is tiny. It's not typical true - but thank God for that!