WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

Captain the issue really is that OP has taken it upon herself to decide if the teens are allowed that privelige. I certainly would not want some randomer deciding my CHILD can have access to alcahol.

It was NOT her decision to make and there's probably been some sort of law broken here. Supplying alcohol to under age drinkers. I don't know if it's allowed in private homes...it could be...but that's beyond the issue anyway.

It wasn't for her to do this without checking with parents. 15 is young still. It's a million miles from 18 in terms of maturity.

imkeeping it's not underage in a private house. Under 5 is underage in a private house.

Oh God, I've just realised which OP you are! I absolutely refuse to believe that you give parenting courses.

You sound as if you're desperately trying to be your daughter's best friend on the one hand, whilst being ridiculously micro-managing on the other.

All this guff about 'She does loaaads of sport, so she deserves her social life' is just weird. Lots of kids that age are in the same boat, but what on earth does that have to do with trying to be the 'cool mum' by buying her and her friends a stash of alcohol then racking off out for the night?!

You sound as if you have issues around boundaries and common sense.

OP I think you need to be far more clued up. Providing booze and going out leaves your daughter wide open to having a houseful of people who aren't her friends, but who just turn up to drink. You've described this poor kid as a 'random' so you are halfway there. Next there'll be twenty plus of them and the upshot will include your house being trashed.

How is she doing op?

Given that you got home to find her in this state at 10.30 I think that other alcohol might have been brought in.

Also, I had parents that allowed me to drink at home.
I still got falling over drunk as a teen and was drinking in pubs at 16.

I deliver parenting classes

There's a saying that we often teach what we most need to learn.

If the "random" puking child was mine, I woud be beyond furious that you allowed her to get in this state. It may not be illegal in the UK, but it is unethical to allow a minor to drink to such a degree that she passes out when you:
1] don't even know her
2] don't have parental permission for her to drink
3] have no idea of any medical/social (religious)/family reasons as to why she can't/shouldn't drink
4] wasn't even fucking there

Add to that, with alcohol lowering inhibitions for all, what if she was sexually assaulted or seriously injured?

If this happened to my daughter we would have legal recourse, as it IS illegal without parental permisson in Australia. And I would use the full force of it. You simply DONOT make these type of choices for another family.

Did the parents know alcohol was going to be present?

done parenting classes, thanks. Also deliver them
I sincerely hope that's not true. If it is, do you advocate that other parents supply underage children with alcohol too? You need to be struck off whatever parenting courses you're doing if this is the case.

I also wouldn't be telling the child's parents, I'm afraid. If they're as horrified as most of the posters upthread, they might go ballistic and flame OP all over social media or, even worse, come round and give her a hard time. Hopefully, the child will have learned a lesson, albeit the hard way. I certainly did!
If the other parents did react like this, then it serves OP right. I'd be calling the police on anyone who supplied my underage child with alcohol. Social media would be the least of her problems.

porterwine not teaching your children about alcohol is a dangerous game. All that happens then is they'll get to legal age, go off to uni or wherever and go mad with their freedom. I saw it all too often at univeristy- 18 year olds from really strict backgrounds who had barely had a drop before turning 18. They were the ones falling down the stairs, throwing up on the street, making complete tits of themselves. I think its so irresponsible to keep your child teetotal until 18- it'll definitely come back and bite you and your children in the backside!

Absolute bullshit. I never drank alcohol till I was about 20. I barely drink it now, many years later. It tastes disgusting, for a start. My own DC wasn't allowed any until he was of legal age here (18), and then it took him another year to bother trying it. Now at 20 he only has the occasional beer every few months. With a few exceptions, this is pretty normal amongst most people I/we know.

The only people I've seen who've been rip roaring drunk are some other 17 year olds I was at a party with at that age. Their parents illegally supplied the alcohol for some parties they were hosting. Talk about boring evenings/parties, with half the attendees completely plastered. Not surprisingly, years later they were the ones with the alcohol problems. Those of us who tried it as adults in a more low key environment learnt how to handle it, and weren't drawn to it.

How are thing's OP?

Op
When I was 15 we were going into town and getting drunk on thunderbirds and cider. I remember friends being rolling drunk in alleyways. Our parents were strict and we found ways round it. A bit later a friends mum let us drink at her house where we were much safer and generally more sensible. It's brilliant to see such a concerned and caring community on mumsnet all supporting each other in a non judgemental and positive way.

Add to that, with alcohol lowering inhibitions for all, what if she was sexually assaulted or seriously injured?

Why the hell would it be her fault if she was sexually assaulted?

Bloody hell OP, letting a child get in that state was stupid!

However, being adult sister rather than mum to 5 teenagers I have been called on for quite a few house parties/drinking in a field sessions that have got out of hand. I trust you have already been checking that she hasn't choked in her sleep. So when she wakes up, water, try to get her to eat, let her have a shower if she wants (there's probably puke in her hair/down her front) if you can give her a bit of time to recover before she gets home that will help. Her parents are likely to be pretty pissed off and poor kid doesn't want to face that while smelling of vomit and feeling like death. You will have to own up to her parents, they need to know what state she got in, and find out if there was other alcohol brought in and who else was there, especially as the quantity you've said shared between 9 seems a little low for vomiting.

In future, you really can't buy alcohol for DD's friends without checking, there are medical conditions, medicines and so on where even a little bit of alcohol could be a massive issue and at 15 they might not know that, and it is the parents right to decide if their child is old enough. Letting a child, even your own, drink unsupervised when they've only just discovered alcohol is fucking irresponsible.

I'm not going to make out I have never bought a teenager alcohol, i have 5 teenage siblings, of course I have, but the rules are that a)everyone there's parents have to tell me it's ok, b)there must be an adult present when they drink it (not necessarily same room but in shouting distance) c)if anyone pukes their parents are called immediately and d)if they try to lie to me or bend the rules there won't be any more drinks.

I doubt you will be back OP but I echo what everyone else says. Very irresponsible of you and I'd be furious with you if i were the parent.

I'm guessing your own childhood was dysfunctional and feel you need help with setting boundaries - rather than reacting like this to a thread about bedtimes. You need to find some help from somewhere - your GP may point you in the right direction.

You claim to deliver parenting classes, but you have put a child at risk of choking on their own vomit on their front?

For the girl to be throwing up by 10.30 I would guess there was some other factor than just the drinks you provided:

• stomach bug
• spirits/pre-loading
• silly drinking game got out of hand

That the others have scarpered as soon as there was a problem suggests to me they know more than you were told. If it was innocent my lot would have turned into super-mums, holding back hair, mopping up etc.

When the friend wakes up, try and get some food and lots of fluids into her. If she were my DD I would want to know. I wouldnt be blaming you but I would be wanting to talk about what happened with her.

Later on this morning when friend has gone sit down with your DD and find out what happened.

I can't even believe this is real.

Be a parent, not a friend.

I'd be fuming if you did this with my dd. She has a medical condition. It could be very serious. Her heart stops beating when she is ill or vomits. It automatically restarts. But would it restart and what would happen in these circumstances?

You deliver parenting classes?! Wow, that's fucked up a lot of parents and kids.

Only words of wisdom, never ever buy alcohol for other people's children. If their parents allow it, make sure their parents buy their alcohol and send them with it.

Advice from DS's friend's dad, father of three now grown teenage boys, policeman.

Always worked me. Had you done that you could have legitimately made contact and returned said child home for parents to deal.

Keep her in recovery position (on her side) and stay awake & alert beside her until she wakes. If she vomits while unconscious, she'll choke to death.

I don't envy you. If that child dies in your care, you're libel. I'd call the parents.

When I started drinking (at around 15), I could be sick after about 3 beers. Some people have a lower tolerance than others. The OP said that the girl only threw up once. I don't have a problem with teenagers having a couple of drinks, although if it were my child, I would want to know about it!

So 9 of them drank four bottles of lager and 2 bottles of cider and one of the girls threw up . I think someone else brought something else to the party OP .

Op I do feel for you. Personally I think it's responsible for you to let your DD drink supervised in a house environment.

I was 13(yes 13 which I now also look back and think is awful!!!) when I started drinking in fields with friends. My mum had no clue and she was a strict older parent. I'd be home on time go straight upstairs and sleep with the windows open to air the smell of alcohol. Get up early and have a bath! I'm now in my 20s and often tell me mum of those nights out drinking and till this day she does not believe me. I did that from 13-16 then started going to town with a fake id and would stay at friends. She didn't know that either apparently!

I used to get in some absolute states at 14/15 where I'd stay at friends and that's where I wished I had an open minded mum as I would have felt much safer at home and tbh probably would have been taught my limits that way if it could have been discussed with my mum. Not downing straight Vodka without a mixer because I didn't have enough lunch money saved.

Also before everyone jumps on me for this post everyone I know in my year group at school from 13 drank. And it was always in the same field or park. We'd move around as police would move us on often.

I personally do not know anyone that didn't at that age and onwards and that's even friends that I've only known in more recent years that went to other schools etc. Maybe it's a generation thing?

Anyway off subject op. I hope she's okay and hopefully feeling a bit hungover so she learns not to drink so much. I imagine from the drink provided that she probably bought some Vodka or wine herself or nicked some from her parents. I'd have a look at your bins and see what's been chucked!