WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

Sounds very much like my school although we had only 19 in my year group (won't come as a surprise that the school closed down 4 years after I left.) I really can't believe that at 16 they haven't even experimented...snuck a bottle of wine from the cupboard or a few beers from the fridge. You must live in some alternate universe if you're really saying not one person in your child's year has got themselves into a messy situation.

Does your daughter know how much her friend has drunk?
If she is just sleeping then she'll probably be fine, if she keeps throwing up then I'd certainly want to ring parents.
I understand you don't get to know parents at this age but then surely you must see why providing other kids with alcohol is not ok. If you want to carry on supporting her social life by letting her and her friends drink at your house then I'd say they have to bring their own drinks, and you need to stay in.

At the parties my DD goes to people take their own alcohol. At 15 DD would take one cider, only in summer holidays and was never allowed to sleepover. We agreed a time and DH picked her up. Same in year 11 although she was allowed a couple of ciders after exams finished. My parents were really relaxed about alcohol and I was regularly drinking to excess from 14. Not something I want for my kids which is why I have been much stricter.

so perhaps them being at her house was more of a "safe place" for them?

If you are going to make your house the safe place then it has to be a safe place (monitoring of alcohol, an adult keeping an eye on things etc). Rather than a place where the kids feel safe, but actually end up in a state because they've just been allowed to go daft.

If you want to carry on supporting her social life by letting her and her friends drink at your house then I'd say they have to bring their own drinks, and you need to stay in.

Can I just add my 2p having done this regularly - if you do that then only allow canned drinks. Bottles are too easily tampered with and teenagers seem to be drinking vodka at a scary rate atm. Cans of cider/beer are much less likely to be tampered with.

Alcohol for under 18s is illegal.
Anyone buying alcohol for underage people is committing a crime.
I am not sure what your occupation could be that you have delivered Parenting Instruction but whatever your occupation is it must be a supposedly responsible position. How responsible was it to end up with a puking teenager in your house having provided alcohol to under age kids.
Like Twinkie I would be extremely angry if my DC was at your house drinking alcohol provided by an adult. Twinkie could have her angry conversation with you with me nodding in the background. I may well question if you are in the right job.
What I have noticed here is that no-one has said anything about the possibility of raising a child to be teetotal until 18 or left home. It seems that the intake of alcohol is more the norm than not.

I'm sorry to suggest you lose sleep but I think you should wander in regularly. It's a bit late now to ring the parents i.e. wake her and get her password but if you think there's a risk you should do that, now.

DS recently had to do that at a party, i.e. Ring parents, getting password from virtually unconscious friend, and to carry the young man down 4 flights of stairs to get him in the parental car. But it was that or ambulance.

Having gone through this stage, I'd be grateful to you. She's safe, warm, mopped up. Much better than having spiked drinks in some urban shed left on the ground, or at eg the Reading festival ditto, which happens a lot.

"Are you being deliberately stupid, OP? There's a difference between not giving her a bedtime, and providing alcohol. "

I was on that thread you were NOT told to go from one extreme to the other!

How much EXACTLY has she drunk? Is she very slight/slim?

Put her in recovery position STAY with her! If she shows any signs of breathing difficulty (including slow or paused breathing), looks pale or blue, shakes/shivers, too difficult to rouse CALL AN AMBULANCE!

Your daughter must at least know her surname and rough address in which case look up her parents on btphonebook and if they have a landline number CALL THEM you could also try and find them on fb where their mobile number might be listed.

Seriously WHAT were you thinking? I let dd drink, if she has a friend over they can drink too IF I have PERSONALLY checked with the parent/s first! And even then it's not loads and certainly not enough to get sick!

user1489677782 not teaching your children about alcohol is a dangerous game. All that happens then is they'll get to legal age, go off to uni or wherever and go mad with their freedom. I saw it all too often at univeristy- 18 year olds from really strict backgrounds who had barely had a drop before turning 18. They were the ones falling down the stairs, throwing up on the street, making complete tits of themselves. I think its so irresponsible to keep your child teetotal until 18- it'll definitely come back and bite you and your children in the backside!

And you deliver parenting classes you reckon? Sorry not buying that given that's 2 threads showing your lack of knowledge

I'm also sceptical that someone delivering parenting classes doesn't know first aid

Stop giving kids you don't know access to alcohol??? Hopefully she has just drunk too much, and doesn't have some kind of allergy/intolerance to something!! Totally irresponsible to let your daughter "share" it with her friends, when you haven't even checked that they are allowed to drink.

it's not unusual for parents to buy alcohol for their children THEIR own children, not anyone else's!!!

She now has friends where we don't know and can't contact the parents. it all feels very new! This is even worse, you cannot give kids drink if you have no idea how to contact parents, or even who they are!! You are responsible for this child, and you messed up big time.

and whether or not I should tell her parents tomorrow when i take her home. of course you should!!

And how well do you think your daughter's sport will go if she is constantly drinking?? Teenagers are impulsive, they are not going to let any amount of alcohol last 2 weeks! They will consume as much as they can as quickly as they can to show their friends how "cool" they are!

done parenting classes, thanks. Also deliver them. Wow...

porterwine your childhood is all well and good, we are not talking about that here. Op doesn't even know this child, let alone her parents.

Alcohol consumption can have some irreversible affects on developing brains.

See here

You need to wake DD and ascertain exactly what the child has drunk.
All very well with the amounts you quote - but highly unlikely she'd be in that condition.
Teens are notoriously sneaky - you've given the green light for alcohol so they've pushed it that bit further.
She needs to be on her side not her front, put a load of towels under her head and bum, tie her hair back, make sure her face isn't squashed into the pillow and, if you aren't going to call her parents, I'm afraid you need to get comfy and sit up with her. Try and get her to sip water intermittently.

To be honest - that would be my preferred option whilst you try and work out how the fuck you'll explain this to them tomorrow.
15 is far too young for you to be making parenting decisions for someone else.
I am very liberal but would go apeshit with you for encouraging this with one of my kids. And you unfortunately did. You supplied alcohol then went out.
Talk about 0-60 from your last thread.
^^

You REALLY NEED to call parents asap please! She could be diabetic, have kidney disease, be on meds she can't drink with, be asthmatic...

Porterwine - Is it assumed then that everyone will consume alcohol? Why not tell DCs that there are people who are teetotal? The point is that to drink or not drink alcohol is a choice. You don't actually have to drink alcohol you can chose. This is about an underage girl who was provided alcohol by an adult who appears to deliver parenting advice when this is illegal.

However there are laws about alcohol not all of which are related to age. Times of purchase. Places where alcohol may be consumed. I think assuming that everyone should be taught to drink alcohol is inferring that it is compulsory.

If she's brought more than 1 friend back, and they've drunk what you've said between them; then someone has most probably brought more and they've all drank more than they've admitted to.

I don't know the situation because it hasn't been made clear; but I'm assuming you didn't just blatantly disregard a parent telling you not to give their child alcohol. I remember going to friend's houses/BBQ's at that age and being given Bacardi Breezer's etc to share with my friends. I'd probably drink between 2-4, and parents generally agreed with one another that this was going on. They weren't all best friends themselves or anything, it was just the general attitude. There was the occasional blip, like that's happened to you tonight; someone would drink more than they should ('oh I'm just getting a drink for Lisa, Mrs so and so, no it's not for me...') and either wind up pissed or sick. What can I say, it happens. It's not ideal, but I'm sure next time this happens you'll be keeping a closer eye on who's drinking what exactly.

Tomorrow, I'd have a chat with your DD about keeping an eye on her mates when drinking and being a good friend. Maybe see if you can find out exactly what was drank, and just move on from there really.

Lots of parents here thinking their kids of that age don't drink.... I'd imagine a good percentage of you are sorely mistaken!

None of you actually know the situation though in regard to OP's daughter's friends. OP, when your daughter goes to their houses is there alcohol? The op called the sick girl a "random" so she can't answer your questions because she doesn't actually know the girl that she let get so drunk as to be throwing up in her house. Therefore, she won't know what happens in her home, because she can't talk to the parents.

For all your know the girl throwing up has a mother who plies her with sodding vodka and a few beers is tame! But the op won't know that, because she doesn't know the girl, also, still NOT up to op to give a child she doesn't know alcohol!

OP please put her in the recovery position and check on her throughout the night.

I wouldn't tell her parents unless you are friends with them as you don't know how they will react.

Far better to do it in a good friends home than all alone in uni/ living alone at 18. I speak as someone who's parents were ridiculously strict with alcohol and I only got to a state I could mainly drink sensibly at 25.

I hate some of the states and danger I have been known to get myself in but I never had the chance to experiment safely or a bench mark for when enough was enough.

Also agree with posters saying 15 is too young to be left unsupervised with alcohol though. It's all about hitting that happy medium!

No the parents need to be called the op admits she doesn't know the child or the parents and therefore has NO CLUE if there are medical issues

Definitely call parents, OP. I would want to know..if she was my 15 yr old. You so need to rethink a few things after this has settled down. Good luck.

porter You can teach your child about drinking without letting them get drunk, and without putting under-age children in harms way. Seriously, you sound like an advocate for under-age drinking! Your responses on this thread are worrying!

If we are sharing, I have seen many children who were allowed to drink too young go on to become adults with alcohol problems. My sister has adult children, and they all have an unhealthy attitude to alcohol, due to my sister wanting to be the "cool" mum, or thinking that teaching them to drink at 14 was better than at 17/18.

It should not be normal to have a glass of wine with every meal, or celebrate the weekend with a drink, etc.

One of my nieces is the daughter of an alcoholic and I constantly worry about her alcohol consumption, not to mention my other nieces and nephews who can't let a "special occasion" (which leaving work on time qualifies for these days) pass without a drink in their hands. Drinking is getting of out control, we shouldn't be teaching our kids that its OK to get pissed just because they are hanging out with friends.

I like the set up that lalalalyra has, she/he sounds responsible and I have taken some notes from that for when my daughter gets to that stage. We already talk about the dangers of alcohol!

User, you misinterpret the alcohol laws. Whatever one might think of the OP's decision to allow teens to drink unsupervised at home,she has not acted illegally. It is only illegal to supply alcohol to an under five if at home or on private premises.
See www.drinkaware.co.uk for the full legal position.

People really need to look up the law on drinking alcohol in the uk. Drinking under 18 is not against the law.

Cross post with Fay.

but I'm assuming you didn't just blatantly disregard a parent telling you not to give their child alcohol She doesn't even know the child, let alone the parents. She hasn't even checked that their child is allowed to drink.

Tomorrow, I'd have a chat with your DD about keeping an eye on her mates when drinking and being a good friend. It isn't up to a child to supervise a child's drinking, it is up to an adult.

I wouldn't tell her parents unless you are friends with them as you don't know how they will react. That's shit advice, op. If you are scared of how they will react, don't let their child consume enough booze while in your care as to make her get in this state. You need to have the balls to follow through on your shit parenting choices. Add to that, if you don't mention it, and they find out, it could be much worse.

I'm the child of two alcoholics, thats why I'm determined to try and do what I can to have my kids have a sensible attitude to alcohol.

i don't think encouraging them to drink is a good idea, but I view how I deal with it a bit like condoms - at 15/16 I'd rather they didn't have sex because I don't think they were/are emotionally mature enough, but I'm still going to have the chats and make condoms available just in case. I'd rather they didn't drink, but if they are going to do it then I don't want it to cheap cider in a park with no one keeping an eye/ear out.