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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hacked off at DH

243 replies

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 12:52

DH is off to Los Angeles tmrw for 2 weeks for work related company piss up reasons. He has a few seminars and bits to do work wise but its all about schmoozing with his US counterparts that kinda thing. He will be wined and dined and go to universal studios etc. I know im BU BUT I am hacked off. We haven't had a holiday or even been away in 8 years (dh travels abroad a lot with work i know it's work but he still gets time to himself etc). Hes leaving me with three dc under 6 and did i mention that im 8 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy (cardiology issues). To top it off all 3 kids have bloody sickness bug and i have to drive him to heathrow which is 90 miles from where we live at 4am Apparently his company wont pay for taxis or parking - ugh! Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card so will be taking mine so that means a drive and park up in town to get cash out the bank

Dh and I have had a rough time emotionally at the moment due to issues hes had from the past that are currently being dealt with and i guess i am BU as he deserves a break but so do I. I would do anything for a weekend in a stuffy premier inn with no housework or dinner time mayhem

OP posts:

VforVienetta · 06/04/2017 12:54

Wow - he's going on a long haul work trip when you're 36wks?? Bloody hell, he's BU for without even counting all the other stuff!

Yikes.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/04/2017 12:54

are you not tempted to lose your card?

gamerchick · 06/04/2017 12:54

Have you told him any of that?

He's taking your debit card? I wouldn't be having that!

cometseekers · 06/04/2017 12:54

He's a adult he can get himself to the airport 😞 you are not his mum.

AnyFucker · 06/04/2017 12:57

I don't understand why you are massively inconveniencing yourself to accommodate him.

The trip to the airport and the debit card situation I would consider to be his problem, tbh

JennyOnAPlate · 06/04/2017 12:57

Tell him to get himself to the airport and don't give him your debit card...he's being massively unreasonable.

notcreative23 · 06/04/2017 12:57

Let him go to the bank and take out cash!!! Not your problem he lost his card.

I would be annoyed at him going on this trip as well. 2 weeks seems a bit long for a business trip as well.

WindyBottoms · 06/04/2017 12:57

If he's lost his card, he should be the one dealing with the consequences of that - not you.

He should also be making his own way to the airport, not expecting a heavily pregnant woman to drive him there. He can make the same arrangements as all those other people out there who don't have an on-call driver.

Booboo27 · 06/04/2017 12:58

YANBU and YABU. A bit of both as he can't help the fact he has to go to LA, even if he is going to be having an absolute ball. It's not as if he's booked it with his friends for a lads holiday, it's a works thing that he probably has to do.
I totally get where you're coming from though and I'd probably feel highly irritated if I were you too. Sounds like you need a break with all the stress you're going through. Is there anyone who can take your kids just for a few hours whilst DH is away? You could then use that time to completely pamper and indulge yourself. Do whatever it is you want to do, whether it's treating yourself to a day out at the cinema, going to get your nails done, wallowing in a warm bath with a pile of magazines and chocolate. I know it's hardly the same as swanning around LA and having a blast, but it sounds like you really do need a break, no matter how small it is.
Could you also speak to your DH and suggest that he books somewhere for you and he to go and relax as soon as you feel ready to be apart from your new baby for a night or two if you have the spare funds?

gleam · 06/04/2017 12:58

Get him to book an airport taxi.
There's no way I'd let dh take my debit card. Can't he sort a prepaid Visa card or similar? What if you run out of cash?!

TheWitTank · 06/04/2017 12:59

He needs to sort out his own transport and money. There is no way I would be driving him at 4am and handing over my card for his fun holiday! I don't ever begrudge anyone a break, but in these circumstances I think the timing is awful and he really should have said no. If he does go, he sorts his own shit out and brings you back a bloody decent gift!

Booboo27 · 06/04/2017 12:59

And also, just to add that he should NOT be making you drive to Heathrow when you're near the end of a difficult pregnancy.
He should just stay overnight at a Heathrow hotel or find a way to get himself there!

Original poster

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 13:00

We share a bank account but for me to get all the kids in the car park up, pram out walk down the bank etc its just hassle for me. Im having my 4th section in a few weeks time and im just exhausted. I dont have a good relationship with my mil were pleasent enough just not close and my mum is away also! Bloody typical!

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 06/04/2017 13:00

Don't take him to the airport. Don't give him your card. He doesn't get to just say those things are happening.

Do you have anyone else to be with you while he is away?

endofthelinefinally · 06/04/2017 13:00

He has really ground you down hasnt he.
I agree that he should sort out his own transport and money.
Poor you.

Crunchymum · 06/04/2017 13:00

So you have a heart problem? Are high risk? And 8 months gone?

And he is going on a non essential, 2 week work trip? And wants to take you bank card? And wants you to drive him? (I assume this means getting your 3 ill kids in the car to take him to the airport?) at 4am?

Urm he sounds like a prize cunt.

stitchglitched · 06/04/2017 13:03

I wonder if he even suggested to his boss that he shouldn't go on this trip. I doubt it. Sounds like a selfish arsehole tbh. I feel sorry for you.

CalonGoch · 06/04/2017 13:05

How can he possibly think that getting a nearly fullterm pregnant woman managing three small children to drive him to the airport at 4am is a better idea than, shock horror, paying for a cab himself ?

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2017 13:05

To be fair he may have to go for work, in my job not going would be frowned on.

The bank card though is an issue but I assume the solution is you get the replacement in the post and take out enough cash to last till then.

The four am drive is also a ball ache but I can also see that he may have to stay in a hotel the night before otherwise as public transport can be difficult in the early hours. So if money is an issue this may be ther better solution.

TheWitTank · 06/04/2017 13:06

It gets better! To top it off you are high risk and have no support. It is ridiculous he is going on this trip. No reasonable employer would ever expect someone to do this.

Original poster

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 13:06

He does say he tried his best to get out of it! Yeah right im not stupid! He says if he doesn't go it looks bad on him. I do understand what these american companies are like but i do feel mugged off and jealous not going to lie.

OP posts:

Msqueen33 · 06/04/2017 13:08

Er firstly he should get himself to the airport and I'm not sure I'd be handing over my debit card because he's lost his. He's a grown up. I'm not sure how happy I'd be he's on a work trip whilst I was heavily pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. Did he talk to his boss?

Have you got help on hand if needed?

WindyBottoms · 06/04/2017 13:10

"He says if he doesn't go it looks bad on him."

It says a lot that he thinks other people's perception of him is more important than the health and well-being of his wife and child(ren).

TheWitTank · 06/04/2017 13:10

"My wife is heavily pregnant and is in a high risk situation with a heart problem and planned c-section".
If anyone thought it was unreasonable for him to stay at home they are ridiculos.

NavyandWhite · 06/04/2017 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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