Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off at DH

243 replies

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 12:52

DH is off to Los Angeles tmrw for 2 weeks for work related company piss up reasons. He has a few seminars and bits to do work wise but its all about schmoozing with his US counterparts that kinda thing. He will be wined and dined and go to universal studios etc. I know im BU BUT I am hacked off. We haven't had a holiday or even been away in 8 years (dh travels abroad a lot with work i know it's work but he still gets time to himself etc). Hes leaving me with three dc under 6 and did i mention that im 8 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy (cardiology issues). To top it off all 3 kids have bloody sickness bug and i have to drive him to heathrow which is 90 miles from where we live at 4am Angry Apparently his company wont pay for taxis or parking - ugh! Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card so will be taking mine so that means a drive and park up in town to get cash out the bank Angry

Dh and I have had a rough time emotionally at the moment due to issues hes had from the past that are currently being dealt with and i guess i am BU as he deserves a break but so do I. I would do anything for a weekend in a stuffy premier inn with no housework or dinner time mayhem Wink

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 06/04/2017 13:30

*Only on MN can this happen:

  1. Posters can tell that H can get out of that work trip if he only asks, they just know, alright?
  2. Even if he can't get out of it, he is BU for not refusing to go (because, hell, what's better than losing your job just before the baby is born?).
  3. People married to each other shouldn't do things for each other, like give lifts, lend debit cards, because life is one big long list of debits and credits, and if your spouse falls in to debit with you that's completely unacceptable.*

I somewhat agree, it's a job, he probably doesn't have any choice but to go.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 06/04/2017 13:31

floraeasy

Given how easily this idiot has made the trip his wife's problem, I would be surprised if he gave her a moment's thought while he was away.

Poor lamb needs a break after all Hmm

Original poster
velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 13:31

I wish he had a company credit card! But they don't at his firm they claim back expenses every month instead

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 06/04/2017 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OftenFoundWasting · 06/04/2017 13:33

Wtf?? If he's a big enough boy to go gadding round California alone for 2 weeks he's a big enough boy to sort out his own effing transport and banking stuff.

Also, what WindyBottoms said. He is acting like a prize twat.

Msqueen33 · 06/04/2017 13:33

But regardless if he has to go so be it but why ask her to drive him at 4am to the airport? Cheeky bastard. Plus he's going over Easter? Are they owned by an American firm?

shirleycartersaidso · 06/04/2017 13:33

He's taking the piss. Two week fancy trip and they won't pay for a taxi to the airport outside or normal working hours? Don't think so. Why can't he pay for his own cab?

If you were to go into labour early could he get home? Could he afford to pay for a flight assuming his company wouldn't as they pay for a taxi?

The debit card thing is just a PITA - I'd go to the bank and make one large withdrawal enough to cover until the card turns up. Does he not have a cc for travel though - I would never put travel expenses through my debit account - I'd be skint because of the time lag from claim to payment.

GreenPeppers · 06/04/2017 13:33

Yes he should have a company cardwith him when he is away so if he has lost his own debit card, then he won't be left wo anything at all.
And if the company hasn't given him a card, then TBH, I would NOT go to the US like this. You have no idea what could happen, inlc him becoming ill. No way that all the cost for that would come out directly form my bank account!!

The trip to the airport, is he the only one going ? No one that could take him there?
Tbh, again, I'm very surprised if his company doesn't pay for a taxi or for the car park. That would be very unusual when yu are travelling like this.

Having done quite a lot of travel for work before, I think he is taking the mick TBH.

ElspethFlashman · 06/04/2017 13:35

Yes, good point - where is your credit card???

Is this a wind up? Hmm

shirleycartersaidso · 06/04/2017 13:35

I have to say we don't have company credit cards at all. Most people who travel regularly have a cc that is specific for work and claim back.

VforVienetta · 06/04/2017 13:35

Quite apart from anything else, debit cards don't go down well in the US, they have a tendency to get swallowed in ATMs etc.
If he does take yours make sure he uses counter services.

GreenPeppers · 06/04/2017 13:37

OP that is a very serious comment.
Your DH should NEVER be going away wo a credit card or a company credit card.

It has happened to someone I know who suddenly got ill in the US. She ended up in hops. The cost for the hospital, care etc... was extortionate. No way that should go on your family DEBIT card.
It's really really too dangerous.

I have myself being in the situation where I had to pay for my own flight back too. Again no CC from the company, issue with other people bla-bla-bla. Having to pay for that flight (not cheap because of wherebi was) wasn't fun. But at least, my company was great. They reimbursed me straight away, no waiting for the end of the month etc... I was single and had no dcs.
I would never do that now with a family.

ExplodedCloud · 06/04/2017 13:38

Even if he doesn't have a company card (DH's old employer wouldn't get them for anybody) surely as a regular traveller he should have one of his own to put expenses on? That's what we always did.

Yes to train or coach tonight and wait around until check in opens.

diddl · 06/04/2017 13:38

He might not be able to get out of the work trip, but expecting a lift to the airport & to take your debit card is just ridiculous imo.

Presumably you want/need the car so he can't take it?

You'll have to get three kids up to take as well?

Well worth the taxi fare to avoid that!

Original poster
velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 13:38

shirley the whole expenses issue is well another issue Confused we regularly go into overdraft cuz he does 400-500 a month on expenses Angry obs does get it back

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/04/2017 13:38

Collaborate you really think the OP is unreasonable being high risk heavily pg with three dc under 6 to look after and have her DP go away for 2 weeks on a work trip that may/may not be entirely essential, with no easy access to money and having to haul her ass out of bed to take his highness to the airport with I'm assuming three DC in tow and then have to be up right as rain the next morning and be all Mary Poppins?!

Fairweather123 · 06/04/2017 13:38

Wow! YANBU!

Firstly, I think he needs a reality check! Ultimately it is a 'work' trip that will take him a long way from home and leaving at home a wife who is 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. He should have told his boss he is very sorry but on this occasion he just can't go it's too close to the end of your pregnancy. Unless his boss is a complete and utter arsehole he/she will understand. I have worked for an American company, they're not another species! The bosses have families just like everyone else.

Secondly, I would make him book a taxi no way would I drive him to the airport at 4am, you should be taking it easy (as easy as you can with 3 other children) at the moment.

Thirdly, if he takes the bank card make sure you have plenty of cash at home to get you through the time he's away.

Fourthly, I totally understand your resentment at him taking this trip from a 'break' point of view. The reality is it won't be all work and even if he does have to go to a few 'working' dinners etc it's still going to be a damn sight easier than being 8 months pregnant with another 3 children to look after!

I wouldn't have any more babies with him after this one OP x

GreenPeppers · 06/04/2017 13:39

shirley all the companies I've worked for always have had a company CC for travel.
Either as a company card or each person who is travelling regularly has one of their own. But it's the company. Not in your name.

Insuspect it depends where you travelling and how much. But even in the UK, you can go into hundreds very easily (hotel, restaurant, petrol for a 4 days away around London for example)

Megatherium · 06/04/2017 13:40

People married to each other shouldn't do things for each other, like give lifts, lend debit cards

Well, no, Collaborate, not when they're 8 months pregnant with cardiological problems and the lift would entail putting three sick small children into the car for a 180 mile round trip at 4 a.m. Do you seriously think that's reasonable?

GreenPeppers · 06/04/2017 13:41

Bit why is it that he doesn't have a CC for that??
Seriously that's crazy (and stupid, why would it be ok to end up in overdraft and have your family struggle like this???)

liquidrevolution · 06/04/2017 13:44

He needs to set up a personal credit card for company expenses so it does not impact on day to day finances.

Its what i and most sensible people have done.

Goldfishjane · 06/04/2017 13:44

my place doesn't give cards either
but your DH should have 0% a credit card, he shouldn't take money out of family account

let me guess - is he very disorganised generally?

I'm not surprised you are annoyed. I think there's a few companies who would push him to go when his wife is heavily pregnant and has a cardiac complaint - but most of those are unlikely to refuse to pay for transport to the airport.

don't drive him, you need your rest.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 06/04/2017 13:44

Velvet, he can make his own way to the airport, he is not a child, and you are not a flipping taxi !
Stand up for yourself.
In my opinion, he shouldn't even be going.
Cut yourself some slack, say NO, and mean it.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 06/04/2017 13:44

Collaborate - the first two I kind of agree with you on.
But as far as "favours" between family go - you really think it would be unreasonable to expect that someone who is 36 weeks into a high risk pregnancy shouldn't have to get herself and 3 small sick children up at 4am to drive her husband to the airport instead of him making alternative arrangements?
There's a huge gap between expecting the above and being willing to help out a spouse or family member generally.

TheAntiBoop · 06/04/2017 13:44

Dh had same set up with his work expenses. He got himself a credit card just for that purpose and made sure he claimed back ASAP so it would be paid down each month. Also earned him lots of reward points!!

Your dh is a selfish arse about the card and lift given your condition etc