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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off at DH

243 replies

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 12:52

DH is off to Los Angeles tmrw for 2 weeks for work related company piss up reasons. He has a few seminars and bits to do work wise but its all about schmoozing with his US counterparts that kinda thing. He will be wined and dined and go to universal studios etc. I know im BU BUT I am hacked off. We haven't had a holiday or even been away in 8 years (dh travels abroad a lot with work i know it's work but he still gets time to himself etc). Hes leaving me with three dc under 6 and did i mention that im 8 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy (cardiology issues). To top it off all 3 kids have bloody sickness bug and i have to drive him to heathrow which is 90 miles from where we live at 4am Angry Apparently his company wont pay for taxis or parking - ugh! Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card so will be taking mine so that means a drive and park up in town to get cash out the bank Angry

Dh and I have had a rough time emotionally at the moment due to issues hes had from the past that are currently being dealt with and i guess i am BU as he deserves a break but so do I. I would do anything for a weekend in a stuffy premier inn with no housework or dinner time mayhem Wink

OP posts:
grins · 06/04/2017 15:18

I don't get a 2 week work trip to the US that spans over Easter - this is a long weekend in the US too.

Namelesswonder · 06/04/2017 15:32

My DH works for a multi-national US company (household name), travels weekly and doesn't have a company credit card so not that unusual. His expenses are usually around £3k a month. He has a credit card solely for work and clears it every month when his expenses come through. It does mean he can never be behind in his expense claims.

McPie · 06/04/2017 15:33

If he insists on going he gets himself to the airport (please tell me he is not expecting his heavily pregnant wife to drag 3 young kids out of bed and drive him 90 minutes away at such an early time cos if he is then he is beyond an arse!) and sorts his own money out for the trip as I would be worried about the legalities of him going through customs with a card in someone else's name.
The last thing you should need to think about it dragging kids anywhere with your condition whether it be the airport, the bank or shops. If he has your card home shopping is out the question as I'm pretty sure the bank will block the card if yours is used in America then in Tesco down the road!

minipie · 06/04/2017 15:35

My DH works for a very demanding US company, high pressure high expectations job. He is expected to travel including the annual jolly corporate away week in the US. However:

  1. They would absolutely pay for a taxi. The kind of job that flies people to LA for two weeks for a jolly, also pays for taxis to the airport. And issues work credit cards. So this doesn't ring true to me.

  2. They would not expect DH to go when his wife is 8 months pg with a high risk pregnancy. And they would not judge him. Because they are human. Demanding but human.

  3. Even if they did judge him, DH would refuse to go in these circumstances. He would be worried about me and the baby.

I think your DH is being unbelievably U. And possibly not completely honest. Sorry.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 06/04/2017 15:40

Minipie I echo every single word.
Fishy.

ThePiglet59 · 06/04/2017 15:43

Why are you having a fourth kid?

RestlessTraveller · 06/04/2017 15:45

I don't think he should have asked not to go on the trip, it's work and it probably would have reflected badly on him and future opportunities, not good with an ever growing family to support. YNBU to feel jealous though, I would, but YWBU to make him feel bad about it.

The card thing? These things happen. If he's ordered a new card then it should be with you within the week. I certainly wouldn't want to be out and about in LA carrying a wad of cash. Or if you want he could get a pre-paid credit card, not sure if he has time to sort that out.

But hell no to the lift to the airport. That he can sort out himself.

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 06/04/2017 15:51

He won't be able to use your card in the USA as a majority of shops/bars/restaurants require a signature rather than chip and pin or contactless and I presume your card has your name ('Mrs Whatever') and your signature. It's fraud to use your card, which is VERY frowned upon in the USA.

NB: the info above was correct five years ago, idk if they have more chip and pin and contactless payment points now.

NoLotteryWinYet · 06/04/2017 15:51

yes exactly what minipie said, I don't know why you're standing for this.

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 06/04/2017 15:52

Also your bank may decline/block the card unless unregister yourself as in the USA. Pretending to your bank to be in another country is also legally risky.

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 06/04/2017 15:53
  • unless you register...
Ineedacupofteadesperately · 06/04/2017 15:55

I find it difficult to believe that getting the bus to the airport (and waiting overnight if need be) could possibly be more expensive than the petrol for the round trip. This is without even considering the risk to you and the baby or tge disruption to other DC. Don't take him! And yes to getting a credit card for work expenses.

THirdEeye · 06/04/2017 15:56

restless really......

She has a high risk pregnancy, is eight months pregnant and has three other children young children and you think that he shouldn't be asked not to go on a work trip jolly. You also think that she was BU to make him feel bad.....are you on glue?

OP, I'm calling bullshit on the taxi. DH has worked for various US companies and has always travelled numerous times. He has always used a taxi and expensed it. Also, what company sends an employee to the states and expects them to use their own personal accounts before expensing it? DH has always had a company CC.

OP, do not give him the debit card. Tell him to catch a lift/bus or whatever...because expecting you to drive a 40 min drive to your home and back at 4am is outrageous.

I would also, really think about your marriage. My DH has cancelled trips when I've been on hospital (and restless it's never effected his career).

AnyFucker · 06/04/2017 15:58

This reply has been deleted

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museumum · 06/04/2017 15:58

there's no bloody way i'd let my dh take my debit card in my name to another country! It could easily be confiscated by a shop and cut up!!!
Just buy him some dollars today at the post office/bank and send him with cash.

Also, the whole family in the car at 4am are you kidding! he's a grown adult with a responsible job, he can get there the night before and wait a few hours if there's no affordable transport at that time and if he's too pathetic to insist that his company help him out with transport costs that's his issue. if it's a major uk airport they're unlikely to have flights going out at a time that there's no connecting land transport.

mouldycheesefan · 06/04/2017 15:59

Stop having children with him, contraception exists, yippee!
He gets himself to airport and sorts put own cash problem
Why haven't you had a holidsy in 8 years? Book one!

seasontotaste · 06/04/2017 16:05

I knew a man who behaved like this. I left him. DH is more interested in his job than you. IIWM I know how I would be using the time while he was away. Hmm

Craicvac · 06/04/2017 16:06

You're getting a section at full term when you're high risk? Is the section because of your cardiac problem? If so, why are they letting you go so late? Usually 36-38 weeks is the norm because of the risk of going into labour before then.

RestlessTraveller · 06/04/2017 16:06

Nope not on glue, but I have had a job where foreign travel is expected and seen implications on the careers of people who haven't gone.

ExplodedCloud · 06/04/2017 16:09

OP didn't actually say whether the cardiology issues were with her or the baby though or did I miss that?

Thesp00kykids · 06/04/2017 16:15

I'd be ringing his boss !!!!

reetgood · 06/04/2017 16:19

Quite apart from other considerations...

Using a debit card abroad is one of the most expensive ways to do currency exchange. You'll have a transaction fee plus a poorer exchange rate per transaction.

He'd be better off with cash (even at airport exchange rates) or some credit cards have better rates/ zero fees. You can also pre order cash and pick it up at the airport, probably slightly better rates. You need to be the card holder though so you'd actually need to go into the airport. Or get some today and send him off with that.

Doe he have travel insurance? He needs travel insurance.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 06/04/2017 16:20

If this is a work trip, your DH should ask and see if anyone else is taking the same flight from work that he can carpool to the airport with. Or he can go to the airport by public transport the day before and stay over in a hotel if you don't have a second car. Or he can rent a car and drive himself.

When I worked for a company that sent people out of town for business they absolutely paid for transport to the airport.

He can also put a balance on one of those credit card things (that he can buy at the airport) which works like a debit card. He can get a new debit card sent out to him I LA by the bank via FedEx.

RestlessTraveller · 06/04/2017 16:25

I'd be ringing his boss

And be making him look totally
Unprofessional!

EatsShitAndLeaves · 06/04/2017 16:26

So speaking as someone who does regular US travel as part of job, this sound very odd on a number of points.

  1. When traveling to a location which is not your contracted named place of work, your employer is obligated to reimburse you for any additional costs incurred. So the only reason he would not be able to claim for mileage to the airport is if it was nearer to your home than his normal office location. Even then he should be allowed to claim any airport parking fees. If he took a taxi (which would likely be cheaper than parking fees) that would also be claimable as he normally would not pay for a taxi to work. I can only conclude his comments on this are BS because he wants you to drive him as it's easier for him.
  1. No reputable company would force an employee into transatlantic travel when their partner was 8 months into a high risk pregnancy. If they did, it would be a matter you could legitimately raise with HR as a grievance.
  1. Anyone who does travel regularly and has to claim back expenses does not use a debit card. Even if your company doesn't issue credit cards, you get your own so that you have time to claim back the expenses before the money comes out of your current account. Not doing otherwise is just bloody stupid. Equally, most people have a couple of cards so if one is lost/stolen whilst abroad you are not stuffed. All that said, if he has lost his card then he should go and get cash to take with him, his issue, his responsibility.

I'm sorry OP but this whole thing stinks to me of him totally taking the piss.