Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To be hacked off at DH

243 replies

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 12:52

DH is off to Los Angeles tmrw for 2 weeks for work related company piss up reasons. He has a few seminars and bits to do work wise but its all about schmoozing with his US counterparts that kinda thing. He will be wined and dined and go to universal studios etc. I know im BU BUT I am hacked off. We haven't had a holiday or even been away in 8 years (dh travels abroad a lot with work i know it's work but he still gets time to himself etc). Hes leaving me with three dc under 6 and did i mention that im 8 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy (cardiology issues). To top it off all 3 kids have bloody sickness bug and i have to drive him to heathrow which is 90 miles from where we live at 4am Apparently his company wont pay for taxis or parking - ugh! Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card so will be taking mine so that means a drive and park up in town to get cash out the bank

Dh and I have had a rough time emotionally at the moment due to issues hes had from the past that are currently being dealt with and i guess i am BU as he deserves a break but so do I. I would do anything for a weekend in a stuffy premier inn with no housework or dinner time mayhem

OP posts:

completelyupshitcreek · 06/04/2017 13:45

BTW - most banks now have facilities to print your cards in the bank.
barclays & Metro bank have both done this for me - tell him to pop along this afternoon

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 06/04/2017 13:45

P.S. He'll find a way !

DonaldStott · 06/04/2017 13:45

I can't understand why you keep reproducing with this man.

He leaves you at home with 3.99 children.

You've not had a holiday for 8 years!!!!

You are so near your due date, it's untrue

He wants you to take him the airport at stupid o clock and inconvenience you further by taking your bank card.

What the actual fuck?????

ImperialBlether · 06/04/2017 13:46

I can't believe that his company is prepared to fund all this but won't pay for a taxi to the airport. How did they think he'd get there? That's just ridiculous. Cut the cost of universal studios rather than the cost of the transport, if that's what's bothering them.

If he phones for a spare card it should arrive within a few days. However why is he travelling abroad without a company credit card?

rightsofwomen · 06/04/2017 13:48

Why don't they pay the cost of travel to and from the airport?

I work in academia where expenses are all a bit mean, but if we're being sent away on a work trip we are not expected to pay to get to the airport. We are meant to use public transport or share taxis where possible.

Huldra · 06/04/2017 13:48

We both travel infrequently for work and don't have a company cc we do have a credit cards specifically for work expenses though.

user1485984489 · 06/04/2017 13:49

If the company is paying to fly him to the US they will pay to get him to the airport, if he's told you otherwise he's bulls*tting you. Tell him to get a taxi and then claim it back on expenses.

blackteasplease · 06/04/2017 13:49

There's things you can't control:

Whether or not he tells his employers he can't go,
What his employers' reaction to that is

You can control

Whether you take him to the airport or not
Whether you give him your bank card

Do not do these things.

If you feel obliged to do what he says because he will scream and shout, make your life a misery, not take no for an answer etc, then you have a bigger problem with him than being inconsiderate/ putting work first.

Starfish28 · 06/04/2017 13:50

My head is spinning at how unreasonable your husband is being. I regularly travel for work so does my husband and yes this would absolutely be an acceptable reason not to go. Also why is it so long? Are you sure he hasn't lengthened it out to maximise his RnR before the baby? I can not fathom how your husband has spun it as acceptable in his worldview. Have you told him how you feel? What is his response? I mean really looked him in the eye and told him looking after 3 children on your own with a heart condition and being 8 months pregnant is just not possible.

RideLikeTheWindBullseye · 06/04/2017 13:52

I've had to pick my jaw up off the floor reading this. OP with all due respect, he is taking the mickey BIG TIME and you are allowing it.

Put. Your. Foot. Down.

I agree with whoever advised no more babies, and sorry to say this but you must have very low self esteem to be putting up with this shit and treating him like a god.

I assume you have an excellent support system in place whilst he is away should you be hospitalised for any reason (God forbid)?

You cannot be everything and everyone to your 3 children whilst simultaneously being 38 weeks pregnant. You are not SuperWoman.

DavetheCat2001 · 06/04/2017 13:53

So OP, are you actually going to put your foot down on some of this given the unreasonableness of your 'D'H, or are you going to dutifully drive him to the airport tomorrow at silly o clock, give him your debit card and wave him cheerily off on his 2 week jolly in LA, and then drive your sick children and yourself home again and just cope for the next 2 weeks??

Hissy · 06/04/2017 13:54

No fucking way would i go on a trip requiring transport to the airport and pay for it myself!

No way would any sensible person leave their other half in a high risk pregnancy at 8m.

I was dangerous on the roads at 6m pg, so uncomfortable and irritable, you should not be driving him anywhere lovely! someone needs to come and get him at the very least.

put your foot down love. this is important.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/04/2017 13:55

Totally what Blackteasplease said with bells on.

Hissy · 06/04/2017 13:56

he's going because he wants to and he cares more about what he wants and needs than the life and safety of his own wife and the wellbeing of his kids

just when you think you have seen it all on MN....

endofthelinefinally · 06/04/2017 13:56

Are you sure this is a work trip?

Does your H take annual leave? If you don't have holidays during his AL does he look after the DC so you can have a break?
What do you do as a family during his AL?

Mumofttwins · 06/04/2017 13:57

You're being unreasonable for even considering doing that. And that's even before we take your circumstances into account

Your DH is being very selfish and extremely unreasonable for even thinking you will do that!

Speakeasy22 · 06/04/2017 13:57

I can't believe that a company authorising a two week trip to the US don't allow the cost of travel to the airport unless you have made the personal decision to live much further away from the company offices. In that case maybe they would cap the amount they would reimburse you. Also if they don't provide a company cc then they usually make provisions for you to get an advance paid into your bank. Sounds like he's just disorganised.

OOAOML · 06/04/2017 13:58

Presumably your debit card has your name and signature on it? Even if you give him your PIN, what is going to happen if he has to sign for something? Presumably the replacement card that he orders (if he has ordered one - does he expect you to sort that?) will be in his name, so what are you supposed to do if you need to sign for something?

Msqueen33 · 06/04/2017 13:58

What is he actually doing over there for two weeks? I can't imagine his company are paying for such a long jolly especially not if they don't to credit cards or taxis.

OOAOML · 06/04/2017 14:00

Do you have enough in your account to cover two weeks of him abroad whilst you are at home, and the expense claims not coming in till later, and you about to have another baby....

The whole thing seems mad. if he absolutely has to go, then I think he should be responsible for getting himself to and from the airport, getting himself spending money that doesn't leave the family short, and making sure someone is lined up to help you if you go into labour early/have health issues.

chocorabbit · 06/04/2017 14:01

Does he do any childcare?? I have never heard of a woman that heavily pregnant that drives at this stage!!

Mummymoanasaurus · 06/04/2017 14:02

Had to read that twice to see if I had that right! No on all counts, taking the very extreme piss!

Inertia · 06/04/2017 14:02

He probably could get out of the trip if he explained that his wife was 8 months pregnant, suffering from a a serious heart condition, and home alone with 3 young children.

He has to sort out his own transport to the airport - I've never heard of a company which insists on international travel yet won't pay travel expenses. He also needs to sort out his own bank card- totally unreasonable to leave you with no card, plus if it's your name on the card then it would be fraudulent use, and you're screwed if the card/ account is frozen and you can't get money out.

Goldfishjane · 06/04/2017 14:03

agree with pp that he might have maxed out the trip for enjoyment pre baby

also agree he might be lying that they won't refund the taxi though I am really mystified at someone lying about that

it makes me a bit suspicious that funds might be very low in your main account in fact, sorry. I'd be checking that.

ExplodedCloud · 06/04/2017 14:04

Is this all a bit overwhelming? All of us (including me) saying WTF?
blackteas is right. As I as it is I guess nothing you can say will stop him going. And at 8 months pregnant I suppose you don't need the stress of an argument.
Could MIL do the airport run if he won't suck up public transport and a wait? Is MIL able to sub you if the new bank card doesn't arrive? Is there a plan for you going in to hospital?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10