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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hacked off at DH

243 replies

velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 12:52

DH is off to Los Angeles tmrw for 2 weeks for work related company piss up reasons. He has a few seminars and bits to do work wise but its all about schmoozing with his US counterparts that kinda thing. He will be wined and dined and go to universal studios etc. I know im BU BUT I am hacked off. We haven't had a holiday or even been away in 8 years (dh travels abroad a lot with work i know it's work but he still gets time to himself etc). Hes leaving me with three dc under 6 and did i mention that im 8 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy (cardiology issues). To top it off all 3 kids have bloody sickness bug and i have to drive him to heathrow which is 90 miles from where we live at 4am Angry Apparently his company wont pay for taxis or parking - ugh! Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card so will be taking mine so that means a drive and park up in town to get cash out the bank Angry

Dh and I have had a rough time emotionally at the moment due to issues hes had from the past that are currently being dealt with and i guess i am BU as he deserves a break but so do I. I would do anything for a weekend in a stuffy premier inn with no housework or dinner time mayhem Wink

OP posts:
RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 06/04/2017 13:15

It says a lot that he thinks other people's perception of him is more important than the health and well-being of his wife and child(ren).

Exactly.

And, what does he plan to do if the section is brought forward while he is away? Not wishing anything untowards for you, but he needs to understand that as the other parent he can't just expect you to organise things in an emergency. He's got to wise up here.

NavyandWhite · 06/04/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WrapaholicMumma · 06/04/2017 13:16

Yanbu. No way would my DH be leaving me alone with the kids at 36 weeks pregnant. That would be a huge no for me especially with the pregnancy being high risk.
If his employers don't like it then they are arse holes.

Sciurus83 · 06/04/2017 13:17

There is just no way any company would think worse of him for turning down that trip under your circumstances surely? If nothing else DO NOT drive him to the airport, he can pay for a taxi!

Bear2014 · 06/04/2017 13:18

I can't believe you've allowed this to happen to be honest. I'm having a planned C-section (second baby) at the beginning of Aug and my OH has been asked to go to Australia for work beginning of July. She has said no. Her employer has agreed that it's unreasonable for me to be left at 36 weeks pregnant with a 3 year old to look after, coupled with the possibility that I could go into labour at any point. Has he even considered that he could actually miss the birth of his child? I would be very surprised if he actually tried to get out of this, as he would have a very good case to be excused. You poor thing! Sad

redjoker · 06/04/2017 13:19

Tell him to get himself to the airport! It's the bloody least he can do!

MycatsaPirate · 06/04/2017 13:19

Normally I'd say suck it up but ffs! You are 8 months pregnant with 3 dc and he's buggering off on a jolly to LA. No, no, no!!

You say he needs a break - from what exactly? How much parenting does he do? And he goes away abroad a lot. Is he on a good wage? Can he not sort out a taxi?

It seems you are just the muggins at home doing all the grunt work while he pisses off abroad and calls it working.

1bighappyfamily · 06/04/2017 13:19

It says a lot that he thinks other people's perception of him is more important than the health and well-being of his wife and child(ren).

Yep. It really really does.

Do not drive him to the airport, and do not give him your debit card.

If it's a company sponsored jolly, he won't need money when he's there anyway as everything will be on expenses.

floraeasy · 06/04/2017 13:19

Dh has also today informed me he has lost his debit card

So he's off to LA TOMORROW and has just realised he hasn't got his debit card??? Has he reported it lost? When did he last see it?

He sounds incredibly disorganised. But what with work organising his jollies and his wife picking up the slack with lifts and giving up her card, I guess he doesn't need to try that hard! Shock

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/04/2017 13:20

That would be too close to you're due date for my liking but if he really has to go then I'd try to suck it up but he's BU expecting to take your card and expecting you to take him to the airport under your circumstances!

Does he regularly get his own way to the detriment of your needs?

TheMerryWidow1 · 06/04/2017 13:21

hubby telling his boss "my wife is heavily pregnant and high risk" would get him out of it, no company is that callous to make him go! If you do the drive to the airport and the bank card thing you are crazy he's a grown man let him sort himself out. You poor girl, he's no support at all xx

splendide · 06/04/2017 13:21

What kind of fancy work trip doesn't cover travel to the airport?

I can't believe he wants you to drive him at 4am that's completely cunty.

Bloggybollocks · 06/04/2017 13:21

No employer would expect your husband to go away for 2 weeks given your situation. Make no mistake, he's going because he wants to go.
You're a mug if you give him your bank card and drive him to the airport.

ElspethFlashman · 06/04/2017 13:21

So if you run out of cash in the two weeks you all starve???

Sorry OP I think you're being a total mug about the debit card. Let him be cash-only.

ElspethFlashman · 06/04/2017 13:22

I'm thinking back to when I was 8 months pregnant. My DH didn't like me driving AT ALL in case I went into early labour on the motorway.

Your DH sounds like a total prince. Angry

unfortunateevents · 06/04/2017 13:23

His company won't pay for parking or taxis - seriously doubt this is true. He has the type of role which requires him to frequently travel abroad, how do he (and his colleagues presumably?) normally arrange this? I can't believe that this is a situation which would have been allowed to arise/continue in any company or people would start refusing to travel.

He needs to book a taxi to get himself to the airport. What are you planning to do with your three children tomorrow at 4 a.m. when you are supposed to be driving him?

Don't give him your debit card. What does he need it for? He should have a company credit card and if he doesn't, he needs to get to the bank today and get himself dollars.

I also seriously doubt he tried to get out of this trip - at all. If he is away for two weeks, that takes him over Easter?? Is that true?

What happens to either you or the children if you become unwell or go into labour while he is away?

ExplodedCloud · 06/04/2017 13:23

WTF? I think you're probably the trendiest bit U conflating this with the no holiday issue but everything else is utterly unreasonable on his part!
He's pretty much a day away should he be needed ( by the time he'd been contacted, arranged flight, get to airport, check in, fly, get from airport etc), leaving you to cope single handedly, without a debit card and a 3 hour round trip to drop him off. And presumably pick him up at 38 weeks.
I'm staggered at his fuckwittedness.

OnionKnight · 06/04/2017 13:26

Are his employers American? They do have a very fucked up view of work over there.

endofthelinefinally · 06/04/2017 13:26

I have a friend who was married to someone like this.
She put up with it for 20 years.

Her biggest regret is the 20 years part.

Original poster
velvetcandy · 06/04/2017 13:27

floraeasy he called me around 12ish asking if he left his bank card at home. I had a look and said no so hes saying he must have dropped it yesterday when we went shopping Hmm hopefully hes requested a new one already yeah righ he wont so i can use it when it turns up and hes in la la land

OP posts:
ssd · 06/04/2017 13:27

he's one lucky bugger

Huldra · 06/04/2017 13:27

He needs to call the bank today, that way his new card will arrive in a few days, then you can use that while he's away. Shouldn't he have a specialist credit card, or pre-pay card that give better exchange rates for travel abroad anyway?

Not that I think he should be going away under the circumstances or be asking you to drive him to the airport. Do you have to take the kids with you too?

Collaborate · 06/04/2017 13:29

Only on MN can this happen:

  1. Posters can tell that H can get out of that work trip if he only asks, they just know, alright?
  2. Even if he can't get out of it, he is BU for not refusing to go (because, hell, what's better than losing your job just before the baby is born?).
  3. People married to each other shouldn't do things for each other, like give lifts, lend debit cards, because life is one big long list of debits and credits, and if your spouse falls in to debit with you that's completely unacceptable.
innagazing · 06/04/2017 13:29

Why can't he get the last train or coach to the airport the night before, and then just wait around til his flight? PAying for a taxi for a 90 minut e drive will be enormous!

His company are not paying for the cost of getting to the airport, sounds a bit odd to me. Are you sure him and his work colleagues haven't taken some annual leave to add to the business side of the trip?

floraeasy · 06/04/2017 13:29

"My wife is heavily pregnant and is in a high risk situation with a heart problem and planned c-section". If anyone thought it was unreasonable for him to stay at home they are ridiculous

This ^

Plus how can he be expected to concentrate on whatever he has got to do in LA if he's worried sick about his wife and kids? Which he will be. WON'T HE?!?!

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