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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

463 replies

DedicationToSparkleMotion · 02/04/2017 20:50

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified Hmm said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

OP posts:
Widehorizen · 02/04/2017 20:52

I think he is right, but these threads tend to come up with a 50/50 split!

5OBalesofHay · 02/04/2017 20:53

It's rude behaviour. Your dh is right

Widehorizen · 02/04/2017 20:53

...I do see your point OP, but imagine you are out on your own, or with a small DC, join a queue for food when there are lots of free tables, but by the time you've bought your food, there are no tables left because everyone has done as you suggested?

How reasonable is that?

ItchyFoot · 02/04/2017 20:53

Oh I guess it is. Lots of people probably think we're rude then. I always send dp to get a table because he's disabled. But it's an invisible disability so I guess we look like dicks Blush

user1489261248 · 02/04/2017 20:53

YANBU. Your DH is!

I would never get the food before getting a seat, as you could end up having nowhere to eat your food if it's busy! I always get whoever I am with to get a seat before paying.

As if I'm going to eat my food standing up!

ThoraGruntwhistle · 02/04/2017 20:54

If you've bagsied the last table available and there are people queuing up in front of you who are about to have to stand around holding trays of food with nowhere to sit down, that is quite rude of you.

user1489261248 · 02/04/2017 20:55

To the people who think getting a seat first is wrong; why is it wrong?

JellyWitch · 02/04/2017 20:55

I hate it when people do this. Very nice I'm sure when you have someone to table big for you; a PITA when I, juggling two small kids and a tray of food then can't sit down for all the single people hogging empty 4 seater tables.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/04/2017 20:55

Your DH sounds lovely! Smile

happypoobum · 02/04/2017 20:56

I always do this Smile

user1489261248 · 02/04/2017 20:56

Maybe Thora, they should have got a seat before they got their food. Wink

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 02/04/2017 20:57

I hate it when people do this. Very nice I'm sure when you have someone to table big for you; a PITA when I, juggling two small kids and a tray of food then can't sit down for all the single people hogging empty 4 seater tables.

In this situation I'd just plonk myself on the table with them.
Me or do usually go get a table and a high chair while the other queues... However i cant remember the last time i went somewhere that was so busy this would cause a problem.

AntiHop · 02/04/2017 20:58

I got table gazumped last week. Cafe was busy but a few tables looked like they might be finishing. We thought we'd queue and hope there was a free table by the time we paid. As we neared the front of the queue, a table got up to leave and the people behind us ran over and grabbed the table. I was really pissed off and we walked out.

If there's plenty of tables, then it's fine.

user1489261248 · 02/04/2017 20:58

I don't think single people hog 4 seater tables. Never seen it myself. Hmm

I reiterate, other people are free to bag a table before getting their food too. No way are me and DH going to get our food without getting a seat first.

RitaConners · 02/04/2017 20:58

It's poor etiquette as you are taking a table for a longer time. Other people are ready with their food right that minute and can't get a table because they are occupied.

I've sat at a table in a packed food court where there were three seats free that a man was keeping for his family. He tried to boot us off and I told him we would move if his family got there before we were finished but they weren't back.

I can see the other side if the argument though.

WhisperingLoudly · 02/04/2017 20:58

Urgh hate this - so your DH sits comfortably at a table whilst you queue for 15mins all the whilst those that have food on trays. Any sit because he's table hogging?!

Thank goodness your DH is a reasonable guy

Original poster
DedicationToSparkleMotion · 02/04/2017 20:59

I genuinely had no idea this was considered rude! It's just sensible? As someone just said, why would you order food without first knowing you have somewhere to eat it?

Unfortunate if you're alone etc but that's just how it is sometimes, I've been both parties but if someone is with me and I've said it, no one apart from DH has ever said "no that's rude".

OP posts:
floatingfrog · 02/04/2017 21:00

YABU you should pay then find a table. Exceptions obviously old and frail, disabled, pregnant women etc.

cheminotte · 02/04/2017 21:00

One café I go to will only take a good order (to eat in) with a table number. I think getting a table first if you can makes sense. These days I'll get 9 yr old ds to bagsy the table while I order.

tinydancer88 · 02/04/2017 21:02

YABU you should pay then find a table. Exceptions obviously old and frail, disabled, pregnant women etc.

Agreed!

Original poster
DedicationToSparkleMotion · 02/04/2017 21:02

Also you've then got the issue of finding your way through a busy restaurant whilst juggling a tray of food and drink. That just seems like an accident waiting to happen.

OP posts:
pudcat · 02/04/2017 21:03

I like those pubs where you have to get your table first, so that you can give your table number at the bar when ordering food.

EggysMom · 02/04/2017 21:04

Cannot tell if the OP or their DH were being unreasonable - it depends on the number of free tables.

Free tables > People in queue .... Fine to save a table.

People in queue > Free tables .... Not fine, those in queue risk having nowhere to sit and eat.

witsender · 02/04/2017 21:04

If it is quiet i will often send the kids to go and sit down, mainly to keep them out from under my feet. If it is busy, then no...Get food and wait for available table. Many cafes have signs up indicating that you should get food first. I can see why it seems sensible from a selfish point of view (Meant literally not derogatively) but logistically for a whole queue it makes no sense. People standing around with trays of drinks and food going cold while people sit at tables with nothing waiting for those further back in the queue.

Trb17 · 02/04/2017 21:04

I always do this and don't see it as rude at all. Nor would I if it happened to me as I see it as normal behaviour.

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