To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Of course I get a table before ordering food! Surely that's what happens everywhere? You don't go into a pub and order at the bar without a table number. Why on earth would i risk getting a tray full of food with nowhere to sit and eat it?!
I'm fairly surprised by this. So you non table reservers - you and a friend go into Costa and get into the queue, order coffee and cake and just sort of hope you don't have to drink and eat standing up?!

I guess I can sort of see the point about being on your own (though I'd probably reserve a table with my coat) and I personally wouldn't have taken my small babies into a cafe on my own as I wouldn't have enjoyed it / seen the point but I am really surprised that everyone's restaurant/pub/cafe routine isn't: go in - find a table - (no tables?! Too busy let's go elsewhere) - order food - go sit.

If you are meeting friends in a cafe do you all hang about outside until everyone has arrived to avoid table hogging?!

Mind=blown

Interesting, haven't thought about this before. I'm not offended if people have bagged a table first and I don't think of it as rude just practical and more efficient. I would rather have one person in front of me placing an order quickly for a couple or a group than a few people in a huddle slowing the queue down. Also means at any given time there's a balance of people looking for empty tables versus those who know where they are going and aren't wandering around with trays of food getting in the way.

I think it's some and some and kind of just works!

I don't think OP is talking about places where you are expected to choose a table and have a number before ordering. Hopefully it's obvious to everyone in places like that, you get a table first and that's not rude!

It annoys me when I'm alone. I choose a cafe or coffee shop with a few free tables. Then by the time I've got food people behind have reserved the tables with several foodless family members. Requests to share a table are met with horrified looks.

Much better to have some of those sit up benches against walls or windows for singles as it's not appealing for a large group to sit in a line but great for singletons.

Its not a big deal. Until you are on your own and cant get a table, which is annoying.

I send the dc to find a table, unless its really busy, in which case I tell them to wait rather than take a table from someone ahead of us (or to offer their table to others if ahead of us and no other table).

IMO every scenario requires a different judgement.... But on the whole I would go and sit while DH orders. 99% of the time...

I don't reserve tables in John Lewis or m&s but have found the cafe manager extremely helpful and forcing reserving people to budge up or clearing tables of coats etc do we can sit down.

Once when I was out with the children I didn't get a seat - they were all reserved by people behind me in the queue or actively in use. The rest of the queue had a longer wait while my food was transferred to takeaway containers, and the manager refunded the whole cost because of the lack of seat. That was fun.

Oh dear! I mentioned this thread to DH - cue tirade about 'selfish people who reserve tables' and 'well if I'm on my own I won't necassarily have something I can put on a table to reserve it as I don't always have a coat or a bag!' etc etc. Anyone any tips about getting a point across to someone with ASD? I tried pointing out to him the times when DS and I have gone to order our weekly 'before DS's club snack' in a small cafe while DH parks the car and that if I didn't send DS off to save a table (unbeknownst to DH before today's revelation!) then we usually would not get a table, but to no avail.

Btw, by 'tirade' I don't mean any sort of temper, just that he wouldn't shut up about it to the point of my brain switching off and wouldn't concede to any other point of view. Bless him though.

My husband is disabled and has problems standing if not actually walking about. He always goes straight to a table as he is only in the way in a queue and can't carry a tray or anything else.

If everyone made sure they had a table (by getting one of the party to sit at it/putting a coat over a chair etc) then this problem of people wandering round with food and nowhere to sit would literally never arise.

By contrast, with if everyone adheres to the 'you must purchase all food before even looking at the table situation', unless you've very accurately calculated how many people are in the queue and how many tables they will take up, and also which occupied tables will have finished and left by the time you've paid, there is STILL every chance you'll be wandering round with food and no table! It's a rubbish idea.

I think it depends on the rules of the cafe. One place I go to doesn't allow people to get a table until they've ordered, and the manager shouts at people that try to.

On busy days in the Oxford McDonalds an employee stands at the foot of the stairs to tell empty-handed people not to go up until they have it. I expect some walk out in a huff without ordering after that!

On quiet days obviously it's not a problem.

I can see it's not very efficient to have people with NO food sitting at tables while people WITH food are having to stand around waiting for one to come free, so, as a PP says, it's mixing the two approaches that can cause problems.

Once when I was out with the children I didn't get a seat - they were all reserved by people behind me in the queue or actively in use. The rest of the queue had a longer wait while my food was transferred to takeaway containers, and the manager refunded the whole cost because of the lack of seat. That was fun.

At that point, where everyone else had made sure they had a seat and you didn't have one causing hassle to both yourself and others, did you really not wonder whether maybe your system wasn't the best possible one?

In a busy cafe/restaurant it is unbelievably stupid for space to be taken up by people who haven't been served yet.

People hogging seats they aren't using yet are causing the problem they then claim to be solving by reserving their seats. If everyone just waited their actual turn like civilized people there wouldn't be a problem.

I don't see that the 'if everyone...' solution works for either side, though:

'If everyone' waited in the queue instead of some members of the party going to sit down, the queue would be massive and getting around a smallish cafe would still be awkward.

'If everyone' reserved a table - well, actually not everyone can. If you're either alone or alone with children who are too small to do their bit, there is no person free to wait at a table. 5ish months of the year there are no coats to be draped over chairs, and it's rarely advisable to leave a bag unattended (gift to thieves / major security alarm).

That said, I've rarely found this to be more than an occasional nuisance (wandering with a tray and a hungry 3yo for a few minutes longer than I'd prefer), so I'm not convinced it is a Big Problem To Get Fired Up About.

5ish months of the year there are no coats to be draped over chairs, and it's rarely advisable to leave a bag unattended (gift to thieves / major security alarm).

People might not have coats all year, but they do tend to have jackets/cardies/etc. for most of it. When I have neither I then take my purse (which I need anyway, of course!) and phone out of my bag and put it down - I suppose that this would be a risk if the bag was a designer piece with resale value, but mine very much is not! As I said, I almost always go to cafes alone, always grab a table before ordering and have never found it a problem. Unless the place is massive you're almost certainly going to be easily able to keep an eye on your stuff, anyway. I have even been known to ask someone on the next table to keep an eye on it, though I suspect this might also induce outrage in some...

I'm pretty certain your supposed to get a table before food in everywhere I've been. Thats why most places have a "take a seat and order at the counter" sign?
Its logical from the cafes point of view because otherwise there will be a queue that looks four times as long as it is. And you'd have to do maths before queuing I.e theres 25 people in the queue and 4 free tables..is that 4 groups, 3 groups, 20 groups? You would never know theres a table and you'd risk queuing and getting to the front and all the tables gone. Whilst if everyone reserves then as soon as you go in you know if theres a free table.
You have to be pretty stupid to order food if you don't have a table already reserved, your queuing for food not a table!

The right thing to do here varies on a case by case basis.

In some places, signs tell you you are required to find a table first and tell them your table number.

Failing that, I think if it is very quiet and there are clearly enough tables for all those in the queue then its fine to reserve one while someone queues.

If it's busy though, I think it is antisocial to do this without checking with those ahead of you in the queue that they have a table to go to. i usually just go up the queue and ask if everyone has a table. If they do then I send someone to sit on an empty one. If not then we queue together .

If you're a single parent, this 'bagsy the table first' thing means you don't get to stop for a coffee. It's shit

it's not 'rude' 😂 if there's a group of four of us why should we all stand in the line like spare parts when only one person has to order??? what actually isn't seen as 'rude' these days 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I didn't know this was an issue until I joined MN! Although when I mentioned it to a work colleague she agreed that it was really annoying, oops.

If I go in a self-service cafe, either I or DH go to the counter and order while the other and ds sit down. Nobody will ever persuade me that this is wrong, it's just common sense as far as I am concerned.

If I was on my own I'd either go to a cafe with waiting staff, get a take-away or pick a cafe that wasn't very busy.

I go in a cafe. Sit my dc down , look at the menu then go up and order . Don't really get the confusion or why that's rude?

People are so strange.

I kind of understand why you would take a chance on your own, at worst you can carry your drink and food outside I guess (I wouldn't, but it's a free country), but when you have young children? Why?
I would never order food from a cafe if I don't have a seat there, what am I supposed to do with my cup of coffee, my buggy, my bags, my toddler, the kids food? If there is no seat available, I go somewhere else, I can't begin to understand why you would bother yourself with food and drink then trek around the place to find a seat. How bizarre. You don't need 2 adults to reserve a table!

It's not that I am judging, more that I will never feel an ounce of guilt because I already have a table when I order something.