To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Regardless of whether you get your food or table first, you still have to carry it through the busy cafe to get to the table surely?

I was in a large cafe the other day, on my own with a 2 year old and an 8 month old.
There were free tables when we went in, but by the time I'd paid everywhere was full because the people behind me in the queue had all done this. I was left holding a tray full of food, a screaming baby and a very grumpy hungry toddler.

Had to get everything put back in a bag and take it to eat on a bench in the cold.

My attitudei is, unless mitigating circumstances this is so so selfish.

If the place has lots of seats and a short queue i dont really care. Its not my style but fine.

If the place is busy and i cant get a seat because people behind have sent people to 'get' tables then it pisses me off because its rude.

Now i just walk up to people and say "is nobody sitting there?" Or stand awkwardly. No food/drink. Youve not been served = sod off.

Equally annoying when people have finished and they sit for another half an hour when its clearly busy.

Exceptions obviously old and frail, disabled, pregnant women etc.
Absolutely.

If I'm on my own (which I normally am, because I mostly go to cafes to work) then I put my jacket or coat over the back of a chair before I queue. I thought that was normal!

The vast majority of places round near me wouldn't be able to accommodate several entire families in the queuing area. They would literally have to queue out the door which i imagine would put people off.

Margaret
Yup, that's normal. I used to do ths with young kids all the time, get table and put coats and bags with none valuable stuff down, grab high chair if there's one.. If you're struggling with a 1 and 2 year old in a queue it's much easier if they're not in coats and you're balancing extra bags.

I don't think it's clear cut. My rule of thumb is that if there are more tables free than queuing people (including having a quick nose to see if there are many people holding tables for queuers), then it's fine. If there's not many tables free and there's a considerable queue then it's not ok. And it's probably too busy for my liking anyway, so I'd try and find somewhere quieter.

I'm with you op. I don't want to be left with a pile of food but with nowhere to eat it. I've never considered it pushing in, just being a bit canny

Out of interest people who do "reserve" tables (esepcially when justified due to lack of dpace in queue or difficulty carrying trays etc), im hoping when somebody in front of you has their food/order and you dont you are more than happy for them to have the FREE table as they were in FRONT of you in the queue and you'd take another one.
Or are you basically thinking the queue doesnt apply to you?

Curious how it works when you're on your own with a toddler? I can just about manage to contain DS (heavy, wriggly, strong) in a queue as long as I'm not carrying anything else, but as soon as I need to use one hand for an extremely large coffee to provide energy to keep up with DS anything else, I can guarantee DS will play up/run off/seek to destroy everything within range, so it's only possible if I plonk him in a highchair before queuing. Which then bagsies us a table, and I do generally dump anything else I'm carrying (not wallet or phone) on a chair. This is only ever in a supermarket type cafe and DS is always in sight and within a short scream/lunge, but I am conscious that I'm bagsying a table It's rarely at a busy time of day but I do enjoy taking DS out for food occasionally, partly because he actually eats more neatly when out than at home. So is this also verboten or an exception? FWIW, I sit firmly on the fence when it's not just DS and I, and tend to go with whatever my companions think (DM always grabs a table first, friends rarely do as we are happy to lean against a wall to chat as long as there's caffeine).

I always get a table before ordering, no way am I buying food then wandering around with a tray while people hog tables while they hug a nearly empty cup of cold coffee. They are the ones causing a problem.
I want to know we have a seat before getting food.
Your loss if you want to be all polite and don't get yourself a table till after collecting your food. Don't care if anyone thinks badly, I will sit and enjoy my meal while you wander around with a tray of food going cold

l always get a table first. Common sense Surely?

The issue is, it's unfair on people who are alone or with small children and thus do not have the option to "reserve" a seat before queuing.

Having said that some people are awful. I was in a museum cafe last year, walking on crutches, and no one would allow me to sit down even though they were mostly 1-3 people at tables for 4-8 and many of them had finished eating. I literally collapsed and only then did someone grudgingly move their coats off other seats to let me sit down.

Always make sure there's somewhere to sit before ordering else you'd end up standing and eating! YANBU.

Went to a cafe on my own today - still bagged a table with a little sign they provide saying 'reserved - I'm at the till ordering' - so even the cafe expects you to grab a table first!

Yes, I think in most of the cafes I go to if you order food they normally say 'and where are you sat?', so I think they expect you to have found your table before ordering.

I can understand why people think it's rude but I'd always get a table first.

If it's just me and the children I just get the children to sit at a table, they're not toddlers though so it's easy for them to sit at a table while I pay. I'd never sit at a cafe on my own so I'd never have the situation of not having someone to bagsy a table. If I'm on my own I'd rather get a Greggs and eat it on the go. [Classy]

In fact all of you saying OP is wrong are baffling me. I don't know anyone who wouldn't get a table first it's just how it works!

But it's swings and roundabouts isn't it, sometimes you're the person on their own and sometimes you're in a group? That's just how it goes. You can't all always be on your own and constantly having seats stolen from you?!

I have a 4yr old month old. I sit them at the nearest table with Some form of entertainment and interact with them from the queue. I wave and blow Kisses. If a long queue I would go elsewhere,

Although actually, if you are on your own there's no reason why you can't do something like leave your coat on the chair etc. Means that someone is sitting there.

I'm honestly really shocked! I can kind of see where people are coming from but it seems really precious. MIL is a bit of a pearl clutcher when it comes to "good manners" (DH is mid 40s and you couldn't pay him to eat with his elbows on the table!) so just kinda thought it stemmed from that.

im hoping when somebody in front of you has their food/order and you dont you are more than happy for them to have the FREE table as they were in FRONT of you in the queue and you'd take another one.

It's not a free table! If they'd ordered and it turned out there were no tables at all and I'd not yet ordered I'd give them the table (assuming we couldn't share it). If they went and sat at the table with my stuff while there were other empty tables I wouldn't make a massive fuss (though I imagine the bit where I retrieved my stuff would be awkward!) but I'd think they'd behaved oddly and rudely.

CactusFred
Because there is a QUEUE and people reserving tables means taht when im on my own and ready to sit down i cant because people 10 mins behind me have dumped their stuff/friend there.

I could have had that table for 10-15 mins but cant because people are thoughtless.

You wouldnt send a mate to queue in a shop and then turn up when theure paying and 'just put your stuff through'. You dont let kids hold places in lines at theme parks and then let all 8 pile in when their mate is near the front. Its not how a queue works.

If the cafe has loads of free seats (e.g more free tables than people in the queue) then i dont really care. I just find it odd. But when its busy its jist awful. Is it really busy and then theres all those people in the queue who need a table too? Or are 70% of the tables being held for people in the queue? Is it worth me standing in this cafe queue or not if i dont know if im actually going to get to sit down?

But you're not queuing for a table, you're queuing to purchase food?

I send the kids to find a table and did down while I queue. I've never thought it was rude. Surely group queuing is more odd? If whole families were always queuing together it could get very crowded.