To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

My DH has been known to get very het up with people 'saving tables' when somewhere is busy and we have food and no where to sit, God help me if I suggest DS or I save a table too though! In his defence though he has high functioning autism and was always taught that the 'rule' was not to save tables, so he finds it very difficult to grasp the concept that it's not necassarily selfish to do so! (His argument is "Well if no-one was ever allowed to save tables then there would be enough on average!" - I've tried many times to point out the flaws in that argument but to no avail!)

This reminds me of an incident last year in Costa which I can't quite let go.
There was one free table left, I was being served and there was quite a queue behind me.
As I walked over to the table with my tray, the girl behind me threw her coat quite a way, to land at the only spare table left.

It landed on one of the chairs, I picked it up and moved it and she sat opposite me glaring after she had been served.

What.A.Cheek.

I am on the not reserving side by the way.

Unless you're elderly, disabled or have small children, it's rude.

Seems it's 50/50 then. I wonder if it's a regional/class thing? I'm northern and raised working class, DH southern and middle class.

I'm southern and middle class and I (and I think just about everyone I know) is in agreement with you!

Don't think it is a regional/class thing at all. The table reserving seems pretty standard wherever I've travelled to in the UK. I'd come under middle class, born and raised, and I would have no qualms about securing a table in advance and wouldn't be irritated by those doing similar.

Unless you're elderly, disabled or have small children, it's rude.

I am used to, and prefer, a system where everyone gets tables first. I can, however, understand a system where no one does. A system where some people do and some don't makes no sense at all. In your scenario I could be third in the queue in a cafe with three free tables when an elderly couple and a dad with small children come in and take two of those tables, leaving both me and the person in front of me bereft of our tables even though we've been patiently queuing.

MargaretCavendish I think you got the nail on the head there. You are so right! Either rule is acceptable on its own, but when both are used in conjunction it can easily descend to chaos!

The difference is that if you're none of those things you can a) wait or b) get your items to go and find somewhere else to eat. That's not always possible if you're in one of those three groups. I'm in none of them, by the way, but I still think it's right that people in those groups get priority. I would also vacate my table for people in those groups.

My mind is actually blown that people think this is rude. Surely it's just common sense to get a table first? Why would anyone risk getting something to eat then having no where to sit? I have a 16mo old DS so do an awful lot of eating at cafes just the two of us so always pop my coat and bag on a table and get a high chair. As a pp said they will often ask 'where are you sitting?' When you order food. That said I would always offer other customers a place at my table if the cafe was full, I think it's rude not to if it's just a casual dining place and not the kind of place where you might be having an intimate lunch with your DP, long gone are those days!

What if you order and pay and hen have no where to sit? Are you just to sit on the floor? I always get a seat first before ordering, if there are no seats I'd leave and go somewhere else, which would be a pain if you had ordered and paid!

Well, maybe I'm a terrible cow but I'm not taking my food to go and eating it on a bench or something because a person with small children fancies the table. It would be a bit different if it was someone with mobility problems as they might have few accessible options, but I wouldn't give up my seat for a person who happened to have a toddler, and I doubt many other people would do so either.

I always get the kids to grab a seat whilst I queue - it means we get a table! We chose that place because there were tables available, wouldn't have queued up if there wasn't any!
You wouldn't go into a restaurant and order your food before sitting down, how is it any different?

I think you are right; get table first then food. Otherwise you end with food going cold while waiting for table which is madness. As is standing 4 people in queue when there only needs to be one. If you are your own and it's busy it is easier to find a single place at someone else's table tan if you're a group of 5.

Most places near me have menus on the table, so expect you sit and choose what you want, then go and order at till.

General rules of thumb...

Not disabled? Don't park in a space for disabled people. Move out of the way so a disabled person can use the space on a bus.

Not pregnant? Give up your seat for someone who is.

Not on the train? Let people get off the train before you get on it.

Don't have children? Don't park in a space for parents or children

Have children but they can walk unaided? Don't park in a space you know you'd have needed when you had a baby/baby plus toddler(s)

Cafe looks full? Don't reserve tables. Or at least, move when someone who didn't queue jump has their food and wants to sit down and eat it, and don't pretend not to have seen them a la commuters who ignore pregnant women. We know you know.

Like having signs up either saying "Please find a table before ordering" OR "Please do not take a table until your food has been ordered." Then there wouldn't be all this kerfuffle!
Yes.
I dont mind cafes that run on that system. Its nice and clear.
Tell me to get a table first and i dont mind because everyone is doing it and its clearl stated.

I dont get it in places like costa/m&s/department store cafes where people go reserving tables despite being at rhe back of the queue. End up with half thr place being 'reserved' by people at the back of the queue.

Ugh, I do this but because I've a hidden disability and standing around unnecessarily is agony. Guess I look pretty rude

If you are in your own (which I often am on a working day and cafes become de facto working spaces) you won't get a table because of the people in pairs etc bagsying tables.....

I wouldn't queue for food unless there was a table reserved by a family member when we're all out together. Common sense, as others have said. On my own happy to perch anywhere. There's usually one spare seat on a table somewhere.

you queue for 15mins

Are there really self-service places where you queue for food for 15 minutes?!?!

It's rude. I could never do it.

This thing about Pret in particular having a culture of asking where you're sitting and bringing your tray over for you is reminding me of that thread about the 'unwritten Aldi rule' of letting people with just a few items go in front of you. This is completely alien to my experience, as a very frequent Pret customer!

I always secure a table first , imagine being in the queue and getting food to discover you have no table , I thought it was the norm.
We once went on an all inclusive holiday , which we didn't secure a table , got the food but had nowhere to sit by the time we did it was cold , so now I always do it the other way.

Plus just to add I have six children and the husband could you imagine being squashed in a costa style queue with everyone , it would be overly annoying for everyone concerned

I never knew this was rude, just thought it was sensible! What if you pay and have a tray of drinks and there aren't any tables left? Drink standing up? And most cafes ask you for a table number or where you're sitting when you order food - won't they think you're a bit odd when you say "I haven't chosen a table yet, it's rude"