To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Yes, I'd take my chances on my own without adult or child at the table. Quick scan around the room see how many seats available, how many people in front/behind then work out if is worth the risk. If not I go somewhere with table service or the like.

Oops I had no idea this was rude either 😬 Some cafes ask your a table number so they obviously don't think it's rude. If I'm by myself I just find a table and put my coat on the chair to save it. Anyone is free to do this or send someone to save a seat.

Must admit that, when I have the kids with me in summer or just before Christmas when everywhere is rammed, I just grab food to go and either fit somewhere outdoors to sit, or, if the weather's unpleasant, sit in the bus station and bus watch with them, while we munch on our sarnies!

Was out with DS1 on Saturday and planned to take sarnies to the park, but got hit by a massive random storm, so stood in the entrance to a shopping arcade with no seating, stuffing them down, while it passed over. Mr and Mrs Green jumper happened to be shopping there, most likely on the way to the M&S we'd bought our sarnies from (Salmon and Cucumber and Egg and watercress - nowt fancy or forrin at this one, it seemed!) and Mr and Mrs green jumper happened to walk past us and tut loudly at how uncouth we were :o

DS1 didn't care. He was too busy sneering at the snake oil shop behind us. He'd found a display of some crystal healing partwork and asked me if people were really stupid enough to believe that :o

I've never been to a cafe where people aren't expected to take a seat before ordering as, generally, the menu is on the table.
In a coffee chain such as Costa I've also always grabbed a table first and then ordered. As has everyone else I've witnessed. Maybe I'm from an exceptionally rude community?

Would the same etiquette apply to bars and pubs? You must order before sitting somewhere or is it acceptable to grab a table before doing so?

they used to have signs in maccies saying this years and years ago

sorry but i do it aswell esp if its busy-i dont mind sharing a table if that makes it any better

You do whatever it takes to get a seat. I know I do.

"I have a 4yr old month old. I sit them at the nearest table with Some form of entertainment and interact with them from the queue."

What the hell is a 4yr old month old?

I'm curious to know the cafés' approach to this situation - for example if you're one of the queue-first, find-table later table brigade, are the staff in any way obligated to find a seat for you? Given that you've paid good money to eat in their establishment.

Would you have the right to go back with your fully loaded tray, explain that 'sorry, there aren't any tables left, can I return this and have my money back please?' or are we expected to (potentially) eat at our own risk and be told 'tough shit'?

Why would anyone buy food without securing a table first? If all tables are full and you go ahead and buy something you could end up just standing around with a tray full of food.

But it's swings and roundabouts isn't it, sometimes you're the person on their own and sometimes you're in a group? That's just how it goes. You can't all always be on your own and constantly having seats stolen from you?!

Apart from actually you can, because for eg when you are a single parent with a small child one weekend you are generally still a single parent with a small child the following weekend. Some people's experience may come out roughly even but other people's, not so much. And it's often not as easy as 'there are plenty of cafes' - sometimes you are a captive audience - argh horrible memories of the science museum cafe in particular and which is also ducking annoying because you have to stand and actually hold a tray for ages in the queue which is shit when you are also wrangling a small child - and yes it's also true that sometimes cafes are just hard work but again, when you are dead tired and your child has been waking up all night for two years and counting, and you have still taken them out and pottered round after them and done the good mother act, it is very nice to get a cup of tea which someone else has made and to have lunch because who the bloody hell is organised enough to bring a packed lunch etc etc. I can remember this too vividly and I bloody hated every smug family with two adults and a guaranteed table and probably more than sixty unbroken minutes of sleep at a time.

... and now I have a 5yo and I send him to sit down, partly because if you can't beat 'em join 'em and partly also because as has already been said, it's generally weird to clutter up the queue with excessive people. I don't really know the answer. I think if I were two adults and nobody else I'd feel and behave as your DH did, but I'm not sure whether you're doing anyone any favours if you insist on a whingey child hanging around in the queue, or if there are five of you, or whatever. I don't know the answer. OP YANreallyBU but I liked your husband's approach better.

I can't even read all the responses because this irritates me soooooo much! Get your food, then sit down. Arrrrgggghhh to all those hogging the seats when they have no food. It's so rude, and I would argue quite selfish. I have food. I need the seat. And don't try to avoid my gaze. Food then seat. God. (agree with the exceptions though 😉)

Oooh we haven't had a saving tables in a cafe heated debate for at least a few weeks.

Why would anyone buy food without securing a table first? If all tables are full and you go ahead and buy something you could end up just standing around with a tray full of food.
I know, you're expected to it would seem. Pret, Costa, Cielo etc will sometimes ask where you're sitting, as will similar places, so they can bring the drinks/food over when ready. They assume you've secured a table already.

I have 2.5 year old twins and a 5 year old. There's no way they're queuing with me, especially if I have the double buggy. So yes they sit at a table while I queue. I also can't run the risk of not having a table once I've bought food. But as previous posters have said this only happens in the M and S café 😉😉

YANBU

Is a family of 5 with children, a pushchair etc all supposed to stand in the queue too? As if, you go and sit at a table! It's common sense and not rude!

Although if I were on my own I wouldn't bother reserving a table as I can perch anywhere and revel in my childless freedom 😋

If I'm on my own then I'm more flexible about where I can sit which reduces the risk of finding yourself with a tray of food and nowhere to sit. I can't remember ever being caught out with young children.

If everyone queued up in great groups, the table problem would be solved at a cost to the business with potential customers seeing the queue looking exceptionally long and deciding not to bother at all, therefore not spending their money at all.

Also groups delay the queue by increasing the potential for last minute mind change faffery.

It's not the people queuing that bother me. It's the ones occupying the table long after they apparently finished.

I think everyone taking a table before they order (and people on their own 'marking' it with a jacket or other low value item) is the only way to be sure that no one has food but nowhere to eat. If you're relying on counting empty tables and people in front of you in the queue this is open to error - are those five people one group or two?

It's not great for people on their own that are before the family in the queue when they have their full tray but nowhere to sit. But there are children sitting waiting at a free table.

I just avoid places that seem so busy this might happen. Plus I wouldn't ask to sit at a vacant spot on a taken table.

Pret only ask if you've ordered other stuff that you can be getting on with, but the coffee machines are running slow. In that case, you look around and say "we'll head over there."

If oyu only ordered a cappuccino with no food, you'd wait for it and then take your chances. I've seen them ask someone who is only ordering a coffee where they will be sitting, so said person looks around and points to the seats outside, then the server says "well we'll give you one to go, then." They often provide outside seating, but that's not an eat in option.

Sensible post, Idiosyncratic!

For a time I was going to cafes with 3 children aged 4 and under, I never had an issue bagsying a table. I would plonk my buggy and possibly the 4 yo at the table the newborn in the sling and the 2 yo would queue with me. It would be impossible to queue and order and carry the food to the table if I didn't as I would have no free hand to carry the food and drinks I always ate early 11.30am lunches. 5pm dinners. I never went in busy cafes and I never had any difficulties or accusations of table hogging.

Even when it is a busy place. Say Sunday lunch for a group of 7. Is it really sensible for 7 people to queue together for their lunch. Then try to hunt for a table. How long do you want a queue to be and what an impractical solution!?! When I am on my own I seek out a quiet place or get a take out if the tables are full and eat in a park. I hate being crowded in somewhere - one of the joys of dining alone is finding a peaceful spot and listening to music or reading a book. Finding reasons to get irritated about people using their resources to ensure they have somewhere to sit and eat food does not interest me in the slightest.

FWIW
My DH also thinks it's the height of bad manners to save a table in advance of queueing, I myself am more 'on the fence'.
I think it is fine to save a table, however if the place is full and you see someone with their food looking for somewhere to sit then you should offer them the table instead. (Unless your party is right at the front of the queue.)
I wish there was just one rule, then it would be so much easier! Like having signs up either saying "Please find a table before ordering" OR "Please do not take a table until your food has been ordered." Then there wouldn't be all this kerfuffle!

Seems it's 50/50 then. I wonder if it's a regional/class thing? I'm northern and raised working class, DH southern and middle class.

Pret only ask if you've ordered other stuff that you can be getting on with, but the coffee machines are running slow. In that case, you look around and say "we'll head over there."

Yes, in that one scenario, only. How clever They often bring over heated food and drinks on a tray for people. You tell them which area and floor of the building you've secured your seat.