To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

I have now left the cafe (I didn't want to buy lunch and it was getting a bit too busy for it to be reasonable for me to eke out another cup of tea) but I can confirm that when I left no buns had been thrown.

I have asked a few people about this the past few days.

Staff in the few cafes I frequent all said they would expect people to get a table first and all said if they themselves were somewhere like McDonalds for example they would 'reserve' a table before getting food.

DH and I wondered whether there has been a bit of a cultural/generational shift in the past few decades. As a pp said it was normal/expected in the 80s in places like M&S, BHS cafe type places for you to purchase food before sitting down. There were even signs, I'm told! These were the most common types of cafe in these days, where you would go less for the experience and more for practicality, cuppa while shopping, quick lunch for the kids. Nowadays we have Starbucks, where you might sit with a laptop and one coffee for a few hours, or meet friends for the social occasion, Wetherspoon type places (table number at the till) where you might take the kids for tea and enjoy a pint and all chat together as a family.

At the risk of being flamed but not intending to offend anyone is it more of the older generation (who maybe used BHS type cafes in the 80s) who see reserving as rude and the younger ones used to coffee shop and pub type places who think it's ok?

Mid 30's thinks it's normal here

I always sit the kids down at a table - dump all the stuff at the table and then get the food (in sight of the children as the queue is usually closeby). I haven't got time or the patience to wait around with the kids, tray of food and bags if there is no free table. In fact, if I can't spot a free table we generally don't go in! Think it's just common sense.

So just to get this straight, if I'm on my own in town I need to always take a spare bag with a low value item in to reserve my table? Or always take a cheap jacket regardless of the weather? As there is no way I'm leaving my handbag or a decent jacket to be stolen! (Don't think the manners here are quite the same as in the post about Japan above!)

housemum what do you do on your own in a place where you have to find a table first? (Where you give your table number at the bar / counter when ordering)? Would you just not ever go there? My fave place locally to go for coffee or lunch or wine is like this and I often go alone. I have to find a table first! And I always manage to cope alone...

I have been with OH a couple of times and that has happened and he has asked someone sitting at a table with no food or drink to move. They always have, mainly out of embarrassment I think, but one time did develop into a massive argument

Can't actually believe someone could be so incredibly rude as to do this! Your OH sounds like a massive pretentious knob tbh.

Generally you don't have too far to go between the table and the counter in these places so if you left your jacket on the chair you could probably see it from the counter, although I accept that's not always the case.

Secretnetter, you sound like an incredibly rude person.

My OH is on the whole a laid back friendly person but if we queue for food only to find tables with someone sitting there with NO food or drink because they are saving a table why should he not say something. There have been times when we have finished our drink or food before the people who the table is being saved for have even come over with their food.

What gives people the right to occupy a table before they have food or drink? Nothing does and it is damn rude. What are people who aren't so selfish or people on their own meant to do?

Maybe it is a generation thing as me and my OH are in our 60's and grew up in a time when children were taught manners

I agree with you secretnetter it's very rude. So much so I commented on it up thread. Likely to get you escorted out of coffee shops, harrassing the customers.
Such a shame people nowadays have no manners, not like in the good old days (I'm 73).

harassing*

Secretnetter and reuset, you feel it is rude that someone with food asks to use the table you've plonked yourself at (but are not currently using due to having no food or drink) Do you believe that if I ask the staff (the M&S, or other supermarket chain staff working in this specific type of cafe) to help me find a table as they are all occupied by people like you, that they will tell me 'bad luck - eat standing up' or ask you to move? I look forward to seeing how you can bring yourself to contort the bounds of reality, common sense and manners to insist I would be the one left standing?

Oh and you're not a customer until you've purchased food or drink. You're just a person taking up space sitting at an empty table.

Oh for goodness sake MrsRuby, is this also the case in a restaurant where you are served before you pay? They aren't sitting there for fun, it's because they are about to purchase food that another member of their party is in the process of purchasing for them!

No, laundry, it isn't the case in a restaurant because if i got to the restaurant in front of you I takena seat at the table and order. You won't then arrive and spend your money on food only to find me blocking you from eating it. That's the standard procedure in a restaurant. But the standard procedure in a canteen type cafe is that you buy food then sit to eat it. You can't sit before you order because there is no table service.
It's only in these very specific type of cafes where there are no menus on tables and there is no table service.

Is it 'standard procedure' if most people don't observe it though?

Reserving a seat is the standard procedure. It's the height of bad manners to harass other paying customers and try to oust them from their seats.

But you're NOT a customer reuset! I get that you want to become a customer, but until you order food or drink you are not a customer. If I have already paid I AM a customer and have a priority to sit and eat my food.
How can I be the rude one - you haven't paid for the use of the table but think it's ok to stop me, who has already paid, from using it.

If I was one of those ppl behind you who bagged the table and then saw you had nowhere to sit, then I'd give up my seat for you no matter what. A mother with a crying baby and a toddler shouldn't have to hold a tray of food in her hand for long, ppl should be considerate and help those more in need than themselves.

I disagree. People queuing, in the process of paying or waiting to pay, ordering, with the rest of their party seated, are most certainly customers.

It's rude and entitled behaviour to attempt to remove people from their seats because you haven't bothered to secure a table, and causing a scene and a fuss in the process. It's uncivilised behaviour. Some people have no manners nowadays, such a shame.

Of course you get a table first. Thats the way its always been done. The staff usually ask where you're sitting or table number when you order. And how would you juggle toddler, 2 meals, drinks, shopping bags, pram etc through a bloody cafe?! Too many precious people making up problems.

MrsRuby that's like saying you're not a customer of Tesco when you're walking around with half a trolley of shopping if you haven't yet paid for it! And you haven't explained how it can be standard procedure if most people don't do it!

In my experience most people queue then pay. I'm most definitely in the majority whenever I visit these places.

There are sometimes a few people who send someone to sit while they queue. If there were no tables left by the time I'm at the front of course I would politely ask these table sitters if I could please sit there as I have food and they don't, or as already stated, more likely ask the cafe staff to help me find a table and then they would ask the other people to move. This is not rude. It is common sense. I have food. They don't.

There is no way for me to split myself in half to sit at a table whilst simultaneously standing in the queue so how can I get a table first?

If I'm with my children they need to be with me in the queue - I can't leave them unattended.

And really honestly for the last time, we're not talking about menus and table service restaurants. Read the thread - it's about canteen style cafes!
You will never convince me that queue jumping is ok - you inconvenience other people who arrived before you, cost the cafe money by having tables empty for longer periods and cause potential customers to leave.
Won't be trolled any more - im confident that most people still have manners or are able to share things properly if they've caused someone inconvenience.

A troll is not someone who has a different opinion that you MrsRuby

FROM you, should I say