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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP hurt me about our baby

186 replies

RainbowCrashes · 01/04/2017 20:57

DP and I have been together 5 months. I recently discovered I am 5/6 weeks pregnant with my second child. It was a shock as I was on the pill. He has been supportiveish but its obvious he doesn't want the baby. We were chatting about our future tonight as we have both been stressed and not as close lately. I said to him Id like to feel a bit more supported and he said "Why? Its only like a pinhead. It doesn't even mean anything yet Rainbow." I kicked him out. I am DISGUSTED he said that. I am so upset and hurt he said it doesn't mean anything. I do not know if I will be able to ever forgive that.

Am I over reacting? Would you be livid and hurt too?

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 01/04/2017 20:59

Bearing in mind youve been together a very short time are you prepared to go this alone if you have to? It doesnt sound like he's long term material.

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/04/2017 21:00

Yes I am prepared to go this alone 100%

OP posts:
FrizzyNoodles · 01/04/2017 21:03

If he's not on board it would be very difficult staying with him and looking after the baby and hurtful things hurt a lot more when you're a sleep deprived new mother.

You're not over reacting. If its not what he wants he can't help how he feels but either way the relationship isn't looking great.

Astro55 · 01/04/2017 21:05

Men don't think he same as woman - to him it's a long way off and not yet real -

There must be other issues

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/04/2017 21:05

No of course youre not over reacting. A baby is a life from the spilt second of conception. How can he say it means nothing. This is his and your future child.

I agree with pp. I don't think he's long term relationship material. Its not for a stranger to say, but. You and your baby are probably better off on your own. However some would also say.
This is a shock to him as it is to you. You've got to at least give him a chance. He could turn out to be the best dad in the world. Who's to say otherwise.

LilacSpatula · 01/04/2017 21:05

That's horrible. Maybe take it in context but he needs to know that what he's said is horrible.

Happyandhungry · 01/04/2017 21:06

Yuck get rid of him permanently and be an amazing SAHM. Good luck OP Flowers

Sweets101 · 01/04/2017 21:06

I can absolutely see where you are coming from, but i can actually see where he is coming from too.
This must be a shock (and a bit daunting!) for both of you. What he said doesn't, on the face of it, sound malicious. He is, in a way, correct. 5-6 weeks is very early days Flowers

LilacSpatula · 01/04/2017 21:07

I found out I was pregnant with DD 1 yr ago today and I would have been so upset with that reaction. Flowers

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/04/2017 21:10

I probably should've said, hes had over a week for this to sink in. I didn't tell him this evening. Thanks for your kind messages

OP posts:
wowbutter · 01/04/2017 21:12

He kind of has a point, it is the size of a pin head.
If you want to feel more supported, explain why, don't blame the pea sized form.
'Mr, I feel you do not value me as a person and I want you to ask about my emotions and things'

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/04/2017 21:14

I know but saying it doesn't mean anything is cruel! It does. Its the start of our child, despite its size.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/04/2017 21:14

And he said it in a horrible tone. Sorry to drip feed

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 01/04/2017 21:14

I would be livid too. Maybe a 'pinhead' to him but that 'pinhead' has a heartbeat and more heart than he does. Flowers

ThatUsernameIsTaken · 01/04/2017 21:15

I am sorry you are upset but sometimes men just don't see it like us. I am pregnant with my third now and each time my husband has said something similar at an early stage because that's how he sees it. Doesn't necessarily mean he is being malicious just being a daft git and speaking without thinking. I hope you can work a way solution out either way. Good luck x

Instasista · 01/04/2017 21:15

You barely know each other. He might just be matter of fact (I thought the same about my pregnancies and said similar to my DH who didn't like it) or he might be an awful man. You don't know, we don't know...

littlefrog3 · 01/04/2017 21:16

This reply has been deleted

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Dozer · 01/04/2017 21:16

He doesn't want a child, and might not stick around.

highinthesky · 01/04/2017 21:16

Well the insensitive bastard clearly has no attachment to your baby so perhaps it is best if he fucked off out of your life asap.

CheesyChristie · 01/04/2017 21:18

I can understand what he said was very upsetting. But a week is a very short time to get your head around the fact your whole life is about to change.

You sound pleased to be pregnant but you have to accept he might not be. You've been together for such a short time and it's such a huge thing. It may feel less real for him at this point as it's not his body.

Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers

GreenPeppers · 01/04/2017 21:19

I would have had more issue at 'it doesn't mean anything yet' than the pinhead comment.
It is a pinhead, you wouldn't be able to detect a heart beat at that stage. It is still tiny. So yes on that POV he is actually right (or at least it feels to me it is).

However, it DOES mean a lot at that stage. It does make a huge difference for you and your relationship.

From the outside, the fact that your flipped so easily on that one comment is telling me there are other things going on though.
How were things gong before you learnt you were pg?

contractor6 · 01/04/2017 21:20

Personally I think it takes longer for some people and usually men to bond with un born baby. You've only known him a short amount time, and not got to know his tones. Talk to him, he's n your life for good either way now. Good luck with everything.

TheWitTank · 01/04/2017 21:21

Ouch Flowers
What a difficult situation to be in. I don't think you can be angry at him for feeling that way (his feelings are as valid as yours) but it wasn't a well thought out thing to say. I imagine he is still feeling shocked and a bit scared and in denial after a week, especially if he did not want children.
Give yourself some time to calm down and then tell him how he made you feel. Whatever happens with your relationship he is the father of your baby and, depending on his decision about fatherhood he could be in your life in some form for a long time.
Good luck op Flowers

user1490817136 · 01/04/2017 21:21

Your reaction to this situation is absolutely down to your judgement OP. Is he an otherwise supportive partner that said a silly , offensive thing through stress? Or is he generally mean and hard to talk to?

Either way , good luck with your pregnancy OP :-)

Crinkle77 · 01/04/2017 21:22

littlefrog that's just nasty.